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What do you think about guests bringing random guests?

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#1 Rhonda

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    Posted 06 January 2009 - 02:39 AM

    A coworker that I invited to the wedding asked me today if it would be ok for her to bring a random girlfriend (that i don't know) to the wedding instead of her boyfriend since he couldn't go. I told her it was fine, but then, thought about it a bit more and now I'm not sure. I told my FI about it when I got home and he seemed really annoyed that she would have the nerve to invite a random person to our wedding.

    What do you ladies think

    #2 Erika J

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      Posted 06 January 2009 - 02:49 AM

      It is a tough call.

      Recently, I had to sit down a dear friend and ask him not to bring a girlfriend so we could invite more of our close friends since our budget is so tight and we can only have so many people.

      He was really understanding and I think he appreciated me brining up sooner than later.

      Not to mention it was a huge weight off my chest.


      #3 DGG

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        Posted 06 January 2009 - 02:52 AM

        I am torn on the issue too. I do sympathize that people are traveling far to our wedding and may want a travel partner, but I don't think we should have to host random people at our wedding. We are inviting people without guests and decided if someone really pushes it, we will say probably say yes. If they don't know many other people than I can definitely understand wanting to bring a guest, but if they are friends with other people there, then I don't think they should even ask.
        Our resort is not all-inclusive, so we are paying several hundred $$ per guest for all of the events, so that's a lot of extra money to add..
        I think people who are not married do not understand how expensive each extra guest is or the feeling of only wanting people you know and care about at your wedding - or at least I definitely didn't before I was planning my own wedding.
        So for you - if she doesn't know anyone else and you really do want her to be there, than I think you did the right thing saying yes.. at least she asked :)

        #4 BeautifulBridetoBe

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          Posted 06 January 2009 - 10:14 AM

          This can get even more interesting of a scenario...

          What if they are paying for themselves? Can guests bring whomever they want to your wedding if they are footing the bill? Does the bride/ groom have any say if people want to bring others who are paying for themselves and their vacations?

          I recently had this discussion with a gf of mine too who wants to bring someone I am not comfortable with to my wedding. She has been in an off and on, tumultuous relationship for years with this person. I once exchanged words with him about his poor treatment of her and it became a heated discussion.

          They broke up 2 years ago, but now he is back and she is trying to make it work again...even though he hasn't shown any change. She wants to bring him to my wedding...for one whole week. In the same breath, she tells me he has already made disparaging comments about my wedding.

          I lovingly said no.

          Another gf told me that I cannot dictate who people bring on vacation...I do not own the resort and if people are paying for themselves, we cannot dictate the guest list.

          I disagree. A bride has every right to be comfortable on her wedding day and for the week of her wedding, in the case of a destination wedding. Guests have gathered to see us married...not only for the purpose of a random vacation.

          Therefore, I feel that we must do what will make us most happy and comfortable...gently, so that we do not damage our relationships.

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          #5 tylersgirl

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            Posted 06 January 2009 - 10:23 AM

            I think it is rude....I would not like it if that happened to me. I understand that it is their vacation too, but most importantly it is your wedding. I could somewhat understand if you knew the friend, but you don't. I would just say that it is an intimate time between your FI and yourself and you would feel comfortable if she didn't bring the guest. Maybe she can travel with someone else she may know that is coming to the wedding.

            #6 becks



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            Posted 06 January 2009 - 10:27 AM

            It seems to me that people have every right to TRAVEL with anyone they want. However, if they choose to TRAVEL with someone who was not invited, not appreciated, etc., then you have every right to let that individual know that for whatever (politically correct) reason, you will not be able to accomodate them at the WEDDING.

            Plain and simple, a lot of people will look at the trip to whatever beautiful destination you choose to get married as a vacation. You can't change that perspective and you'll drive yourself insane if you try. So, control what is reasonable: YOUR WEDDING; and let them do what they want with their vacation.

            And honestly... if you tell someone that they are welcome to travel with their cousin with the body odor and flatulence problem, but that because of budget constraints you simply won't be able to accomodate them at the wedding events, chances are that they will decide not to bring the cousin.

            Oh, and if they suggest that they foot the bill to have the cousin attend your wedding events, tell them that you appreciate the gesture but don't want to open that can of worms because god knows who your mother/FMIL/sister/MOH/etc., will want to bring.

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            #7 lil_miss_frogg

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              Posted 06 January 2009 - 10:50 AM

              My two cents....If they are paying for the room and flight themselves I don't see a problem with it. If you had intended on this friend to bring her boyfriend to begin with then it's not really an extra plate. But then I can see where you're coming from and wanting to invite someone that you are closer with. This is a tough situation you have got yourself.....Question.....is your reception being catered? I know that since my wedding is going to be on the smaller side we have just found a restraunt that is able to accomidate all of us....then maybe the friend can just pay for her own food. I don't know....I guess I'm a pushover on stuff like this.....I give in to EVERYTHING! I'm all about making everybody happy. But it's you're call! Good luck, best that she asked and didn't just do.
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              #8 JulieG

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                Posted 06 January 2009 - 11:01 AM

                I had 3 random guests at my wedding and it was not an issue, in my mind, at all. They paid for themselves to come and were keeping friends that I teally wanted there company. If I had any issues with the people I would have said they could not come to the wedding, but I have no say over who goes to the resort, and I would not even try to tell someone no.

                So I think IMHO they have every right to bring a friend, but you have to tell them politely that they can't come to dinner due to costs and your friend should totally understand and respect that.

                #9 YoursTruly

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                  Posted 06 January 2009 - 01:03 PM

                  I agree with Julie. Well said.

                  #10 krazyk

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                    Posted 06 January 2009 - 01:25 PM

                    This is something that I am struggling with also. I know that people are paying to attend, but besides the money issue I don't want random people I don't even know at our wedding. This is a special time in our lives for those who love and support us. I have asked my girlfriends who aren't married or in serious relationships to room with one another. So I can save room for family and those who don't have anyone to come with. They don't like it, but oh well!

                    But if she doesn't have anyone else to travel with, then I guess she has to bring someone. I don't know it's a tough situation. But like other ladies have said, at least she asked you first.

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