Strippers at Bachelor Party?

[wendyjd]

I have no problem with bachelor parties. I personally think you should trust the person you are marrying enough to let them go and have fun. I do NOT want male strippers at any bachelorette parties, they are GROSS!!

[sjmacphe]

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Originally Posted by wendyjd I have no problem with bachelor parties. I personally think you should trust the person you are marrying enough to let them go and have fun. I do NOT want male strippers at any bachelorette parties, they are GROSS!!

I do trust him, it's just my own insecurity and jealousy basically. I want one of my friends to plan one for me that I "have to go to" lol...I feel better getting it off my chest, he knows how I feel now, even if he's not happy about it (cause it makes him feel guilty - too bad!). He knows he has to call me/update me throughout the weekend, and I now have something to hold over his head if he complains about my spending lol.

[Lisa DSO]

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Originally Posted by vdaybride This topic has and will continue to enrage women around the world. I wouldn't necessarily get bothered by him going with his friends for his "night out on the town" I would mind him traveling out of town to do it. I have been in Vegas and Amsterdam many times to see bachelors going waaaay to far. If he is staying local and going out with his friends, I would say don't stress him out! If he is going out of town for these "adventures" I would sit down with him and have an honest conversation and let him know your feelings and that you expect him to respect those feelings. Sad to say though when alcohol and "friends" are involved those conversations may go out the window. So then I say entrust your feelings in one of his close friends and bribe him to give you juicy details when the trip is over Try not to stress he is buying the cow..no more freebies. The only way not to cry in those types of situations is to laugh a little.

I cringe at the thought. I brought it up to two male co-workers yesterday hoping to feel better, but he made me feel worse! He said the groom to be, who was tied down, was basically disrobed and they drew on him with a marker (including down his boxers on his...) and he came out with hickies...hmm...granted he didnt do anything, but why is this so comical and ok for his friends? My FI doesnt want to do the strip club thing cuz he actually plans on going on the usual camping trip they all do, but one of his co-workers (who isnt even a groomsman) is trying to get the numbers of his two co-bestmen in order to set this up?!

Sigh, it makes me sad. I told FI that i would never tell him what he could or could not do, but that I honestly did not like it and it made me feel uncomfortable and sad. (I also said that I would not be around male strippers)

[chipotle99]

I say yes to strippers....and especially yes if they're not as hot as me Honestly, there is always a bit of insecurity there, I can't be 100% okay with them until I fix my own insecurity issues, not even about trust.

[*HOLLY*]

My fiance right now is at his bachelor party as I type this. I could careless about strippers I just say no sexual touching and whatnot. Not only is my brother there but a couple of the guys are like meh on the whole thing so I am not to worried. I would be lying saying I am curious on what is going and and if he is behaving but he will be coming home to me

I get my party tonight (saturday) WHOOO HOOO.

[Island Bride]

Luckily for me my two brothers are his groomsmen so no worries there even if there was a stripper

[echo2_62]

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Originally Posted by *Nadine* I don't think any girl is alone in feeling like this. My FI was in vegas for his bach. party in may and they did go to the strippers. The only thing I said was 'you guys can go to the strippers but the strippers cant come to you'. Of course they are guys and more importantly all his friends would want to go to the strippers, its man nature. However, I am so against the 'hiring' of private strippers, thats just skeezy and Im not comfortable wtih it. I also said I would prefer him not to get a lap dance and he said he wouldnt but he also said he didnt think it was that big of a deal cause of cousre he loves me and would never do anything. So I said 'ok so you would be ok with me getting on another guys lap in my thong and rubbing my boobs in his face??' and FI's face was absolutely priceless, and he said 'ok, I understand'.. Sometimes they just need to see it from our prespective.

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Originally Posted by sjmacphe This is tough - he asked me today if I wanted to call this friend and tell him to call the whole thing off, he says I am making him feeling guilty and terrible and now he doesn't even want to go...I mean what does he expect, I'm going to be happy about it? He's told me time and time again I have nothing to worry about - and he has never done anything to make me not believe that...So why can't I just be ok and secure in that fact? I think for me I feel that it is unfair, there is a trip I turned down to Mexico with all my single friends cause I thought that we were trying to save money (and the fact he didn't really like the idea). Now he's just like - do whatever, I don't care - I know he doesn't really mean it though. He feels like me and his friend are both pulling him...but he feels like an ass telling his friend he doesn't want this bachelor party... I'm glad I told him how I feel, I think he's probably still going to go but he's going to have to make it up to me - I am going to Vegas one day (probably in a year or 2) with my friends too and there's nothing he can say about it.

Okay so I saw this thread and had to pop in an opinion. Nadine's comment couldn't have put my own thoughts into words any better. I've never really had a problem with FI going out to the strippers (he doesn't like them but like many others will go with the guys for some beers) and I've gone with him and our friends a few times anyways! But here's where my problem - and caution to many of you - come in to play.

A few weekends ago FI had his bach. party and the guys who planned it were very secretive the entire time. From the very beginning of their planning, I had thought I was being pretty reasonable in not being the girl who gives them rules and restrictions on what they can and cannot do - i even said that if they went out to the strippers that wasn't a problem but my ONE limitation was that I was really uncomfortable with anyone in his personal space ie. no lap dances, hooter shooters etc. If I was there with him it would be one thing but I know straight up that I can't handle the thought of it otherwise. And I figured that since the guys planning/going are ALL in serious relationships or married already, I could trust that they would understand where I was coming from. I found out quite late in the game that they were taking FI out to a ski hill where they'd rented a chalet for the weekend which obviously sounded like a great idea. Until they got home and FI told me (in a series of conversations that went from bad to worse) that the guys had hired a "topless bartender" who in reality was a naked girl that hung out there half the night serving drinks and giving lap dances. If you hadn't guessed it by now, I was livid and totally went off the handle. I was completely and utterly crushed that not only would my friends disregard me like that, they deliberately planned for this to happen. And FI went along with it, knowing that I was uncomfortable but thinking that it wouldn't be that big a deal for me.
Under any circumstances before this, I've had the most unquestionable trust and faith in Fi and would never have thought that he'd give in to the group of guys so easily. He just didn't want to disappoint them and he chose them over me in that moment.
As a result, I now have some serious issues with our friends because of the complete and utter lack of respect that they have shown for me, FI and our relationship and even after some discussions with them I am having a difficult time in continuing to talk with or about them, or even have any sort of social connections with them. And even worse, it created such a huge rift between FI and I that we were seriously discussing whether we should be getting married right now after all. I know it was a mistake on his part and that mistakes happen, but this was just something that I couldn't believe could take place when I thought that I had already made it clear how I felt. It also doesn't help that the general opinion of the guys (and FI too sadly) was that they had done nothing wrong at all, would do it again, and basically feel like i shouldn't have had a say in the matter from the beginning because this is the "guys" thing to do. Yes, I am livid beyond belief!
Nearly three weeks later, FI and I have managed to mostly patch things up again but I'm still bothered even thinking of that girl having been so close to him! I'm hugely possessive of FI to begin with (something I wasn't like with any guy ever before) and have just been unable to completely get over this. I know the stripper meant nothing to HIM but it most definitely meant something to ME and that's why we're having so many problems now.

So here's my advice to any of you that are uncomfortable with your FI going to the strippers, with having a stripper hired in etc....
MAKE YOUR FEELINGS VERY WELL KNOWN. Spell out exactly the detail of what you are uncomfortable with and exactly how much it bothers you. Don't make light suggestions and assume that will be enough. Be straight forward and blunt and don't ever feel bad about it.

It's true that you are marrying FI for a reason, and not any of the other guys you're friends with, so he's the one that needs to be absolutely clear on where you stand. My FI has said that if he'd really known how upset this would make me, he'd never have gone along with the guys in the first place because it wasn't worth causing such huge problems for us. We've never, ever questioned a thing in our relationship before now so this was a HUGE blow for us.

So please, please learn from my situation and don't ever worry about being "that girl" if you truly have a problem with the things that may occur. It's better to have your friends feel like you're being overbearing than to have something happen that might jeopardize your entire relationship.


p.s. FI has volunteered that he will never, ever again go within 100m of a stripper again without my clear and absolute approval ahead of time. He also knows that the next bach. party that comes around there is a good chance he will NOT be attending if the guys end up planning another stripper appearance.

[sjmacphe]

Echo - I'm sorry you had to deal with all of this, I definitely understand why you are upset. I am still a bit worried about this whole Bachelor party weekend - they are going next weekend. I have told him I really would rather him not get a lap dance, but I'm wondering if I should tell his friend who organized it...It makes me mad that they are all going to spend $1000 on this trip and most of them aren't even coming with us to Cuba...grrr.

I would also be very hurt if they hired a stripper to come to the room, that's pretty sleezy of his friends. I'm glad you've been able to work through it, I think I'll have one more serious talk with my FI before he leaves. Ugh - boys, why do you put us through this! I'm going to the spa with a girlfriend that weekend, hopefully I can not be constantly thinking about this stuff...I'll be so happy when this is over.

[Diva]

I would NOT be worried honestly, or jealous! He will be looking YOU in the eye and saying "I do" believe me bachelor parties are usually for the other people anyway and not the groom. We have no control over whet the guys decide for the bachelor party, but on the flip side, they have no control over what our BMs do for us either

[*Linds*]

I told FI I was more than happy to get paid to strip in front of all his friends at his bachelor party ( totally joking!!!!)....he def. didn't like that idea! He knows my stance...if he doesn't want me to do it, he shouldn't be doing it either.