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Can't afford a Wedding Party (DW Ettiquette)

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#21 Hartyt509

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    Posted 06 October 2008 - 04:13 PM

    Thats the thing about etiquette its usually pants!! Also who makes it up anyway!!

    We are paying for the wedding ourselves so we aren't having a wedding party. FI keeps saying he has a BM but he hasn't booked so we'll see about that lol Even if he has we aren't paying anything for him if he wants to come with his 3 kids thats his choice i'm certainly not paying for him.

    I've decided I'm going to get the 3 women on my side a small gift but thats it - it may sound mean but I don't know any of the people FI has invited apart from FMIL (and I wish I didn't know her!) and his BM's wife so I'm buggered if i'm buying them anything FI certainly wont! lol

    I think you just do what the girls say be very straight up with people and until they book don't believe they are actually coming x

    #22 jlwhite5

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      Posted 06 October 2008 - 04:21 PM

      i don't think you're responsible for paying for them. whether it's "proper" or not. you should only do what works for you. there's no reason to go into debt in order to adhere to etiquette guidelines. if you can't afford to pay for your MOH's trip, maybe you can do something else for her. maybe you could buy her dress and shoes? that's what i'm doing! while those are big expenses, they're much less than travel and accommodations.

      #23 beachbride08

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      • 2,372 posts

        Posted 06 October 2008 - 04:29 PM

        Originally Posted by hamster627
        From Destination Wedding Etiquette - DestinationWeddings.com

        I was planning on waiting to see who's confirmed to come and THEN ask a MOH to stand for me. The most important people have already said they'd be there (immediate family anyway). I was planning on asking my sister, my FI's sister, or one of my gf's who book.

        I'm just starting to save now for a January/February 2010 wedding. I don't know if I can afford to pay for another person to come to PV on top of everything else.

        Any thoughts or advice?

        (By the way, what's an AHR??)
        We are not paying for anyone's trips except our own. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and are barely affording that! I don't believe any of that wedding etiquette advice. I did a lot of things that are probably against the rules in the eyes of the etiquette police for our wedding. I am only having 2 BMs, and I did ask them to be in the wedding before they booked. However, I told them that the wedding was going to be in Mexico and if they didn't want to be in the wedding party or couldn't afford the trip that I was completely fine with that. I didn't want them to feel obligated. Both agreed to be in the wedding and are very excited about the trip. I did pay for their dresses, and everything else they needed for the wedding so they didn't have that extra cost. I am also getting them gift cards to the resort spa to use during their stay in addition to the gifts I already gave them at the shower. They appreciated that, but again not something you need to do. It was something I wanted to do, and had budgeted for it in advance. I got a great deal on the dresses which is why I am getting them the spa gift cards.

        #24 Danniellou

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        • 815 posts

          Posted 06 October 2008 - 04:59 PM

          I am not paying for my bridal party. In fact I didn't even want a party, I only wanted my sister, but my girls just weren't having that so now I have 5 girls. Which is nice, but I can't afford to pay for all of them.

          #25 JamaicaBride2009

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            Posted 06 October 2008 - 05:32 PM

            Even if etiquette calls for you to pay for your bridal party, you have to be realistic about what you can afford. My FI and I are not paying for the travel expenses of our MOH (my sister) and our BM (his 2 friends). We did send my sister money to cover expenses for the flower girl and ringbearer... but we did ask adults to cover their own costs. My sister was very agreeable to that and very appreciative. We have to be realistic and reasonable... unfortunately our finances are not large enough to cover the expenses of others. We are doing the best we can... and our wedding party is OK with that. Their words... "how often do we get an excuse to go to Jamaica?".

            #26 Cindy&London

            • Jr. Member
            • 258 posts

              Posted 06 October 2008 - 05:54 PM

              We aren't paying for our wedding party either. Travel is so expensive these days!! We are paying for our wedding parties attire and I am making special Welcome Bags for all of them. We are having a privite reception and are paying for the food and music. I think that's good enough.. they are also getting a vacation out of the deal!! I let them know well in advance that I would like them to be in the wedding party, so they have had plenty of time to save!! None of my girls are married and most of them live at home still.. so I don't see how over a year's notice isn't enough time.
              Most people do DW to save money, well at least this is why we are!!

              #27 reevesbride

              • Jr. Member
              • 212 posts

                Posted 06 October 2008 - 09:47 PM

                I could'nt afford to pay for the travel espenses of my wedding party either. My friends are excited to come and have booked there trip already. Most likely your wedding party members will desire to be there soo bad that they will pay there own way. Dont stress it if they are meant to be there they will find a way.

                #28 Sloan

                • Sr. Member
                • 1,279 posts

                  Posted 06 October 2008 - 09:52 PM

                  Im not interested in what etiquette dictates.... Im doing whatever I want. Could care less what anyone thinks. However, after much debate, FI and I decided that we would flip HALF the bill for my MoH and his BM. Those are the only 2 in our wedding party anyway. Everyone else is on their own. Come to Jamaica if you want, if not too bad for you!

                  #29 clmarti1

                  • Jr. Member
                  • 207 posts

                    Posted 06 October 2008 - 10:47 PM

                    I debated on this very thing with my mom. She thinks I should pay for bridesmaids and FI should pay for groomsmen. Yeah, I can't afford that. I also told my wedding party that I did not want to put them in a financial bind but I would love to have them there if they were financially able to be there. Everyone is fine with paying their own way, at least we gave them enough notice to start saving.

                    #30 sdnative222

                    • Newbie
                    • 136 posts

                      Posted 06 October 2008 - 11:09 PM

                      Guilt is a horrible thing. I should know, my mom gives me some on a daily basis. My mom is disappointed I'm not getting married in a Catholic church.

                      However, I'm starting my new life with the love of my life. He's a surfer and I'm a sun-worshipper. We are a match made in heaven and we're getting married on the sands of Hawaii come hell of high water.

                      My FI and I are footing most of the wedding bill, so having a DW was a major cost-saver. We did pay for my niece's dress (Jr. BM) and her airfare, but otherwise the remainder of the bridal party paid their own way. We communicated our monetary concerns to everyone and everyone has been very understanding....even my mom!
                      Jocelynn and Shawn
                      Got Maui'd on November 8,2008

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