My sister did not show up at the reception!

[syl1115]

First, let me give you a little background. My younger sister's FI is such a selfish and controlling person but she doesn't realize it. On my wedding day, my niece missed her flight from Dayton to Ft. Lauderdale and was scheduled to catch the next one that would get her in at 6:30 pm. Well, the wedding started at 4:30 pm and my sister and FI were there. He was video taping the ceremony (how nice of him since he thinks I don't like him and he hates my DH).

 

Everything was going great and they came to the restaurant and enjoyed cocktail hour with us. Well, around 6:00 they left to pick up my niece from the airport. I didn't notice until dinner was over, that they never returned. When I asked my sister what happened she said there was an accident on I95 and traffic was backed up so they just went to get something to eat because her daughter was hungry. Well, that was fine except she called my older sister, who was at the restaurant, and my older sister told her that they would hold dinner for them until they returned.

 

The following day, I asked my niece to tell me the real story and as it turned out, my sister's ignorant FI wanted to go to Miami so that's where they went instead of coming back to the restaurant. He was telling her "well you are going to be spending the next five days with them anyway on the cruise". He gave her some kind of sob story about him feeling uncomfortable because her family doesn't like him. WTF, well I am the only one that probably shows him that I don't like him. We have had some words before, but this wedding was not about him he was just invited by proxy.

 

I can't believe that my sister allowed that to happen. Why did she go along with what he wanted? I'm just not sure what to do. My niece gave me this information in confidence, so I can't let her know that I know the truth, but I am so hurt by what happened. I would like to discuss it with her but I don't know how. He has been a thorn between us for two years now and I am so glad he didn't come on the cruise with us. I would have pushed him overboard.

 

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[jrodsgirl]

So sorry to hear your news. I have had words with my sister's husband so we normally just steer clear of each other (she lives in SC and I live in PA - makes it a bit easier). Sometimes I think they (the sisters) go along with the men just to save face. Might save them aggravation, but definitely is very irritating. I don't really have any good words though...I guess hang in there.

[JoLo908]

I am sorry to hear what happened... Sometimes when people are in these crummy relationships with not so good people, they do not realize what they are doing, they are caught up in their own stuff... I would tell your sister privately how you feel and that you were hurt... that if it were the other way around you would have never pulled a move like that...

[KLC77]

Wow, I would definitely say something to your sister privately. Like, maybe you were thinking about what she said and it just didn't make sense to you because you were willing to hold off on dinner until they got there and ask if maybe there was something else going on? Play dumb, ya know? As for her FI, unfortunately she's probably going to have to learn on her own that he's not good for her and you will just have to be there to support her when that happens. Just pray and pray that it happens BEFORE they are married. If she tells you the real story about why they missed dinner maybe you can use that as a start point for a conversation about the type of person you've always hoped she would marry...

[tvt]

I agree with Kelly in that I would bring it up and play dumb. If she knew they would hold dinner why did they still stop for dinner? This night was very important to you and you really wanted to her there to share it, etc.

 

Good luck. It's definitely a tricky situation given that you don't like her FI and your sister probably knows it, so I would leave him out of the conversation and make it about the two of you.

[Jennifer Davis]

I am so sorry about what happened. I am sure you are very disappointed that she was not at your reception. Unfortunately what's done is done and you can not change it. You have to remember, you can not control anyone's actions... you can only control your reaction.

 

It's unfortunate that your sister is in a relationship with a controlling selfish man. You have to be very careful when you speak with her about this though. If you word things the wrong way, you'll push her away. Even though you (and probably everyone else) thinks her FI is a selfish, controlling, manipulative man....it is still her FI and she is probably going to be on his side. Plus, telling her she did the wrong thing by not coming back is going to put her on the defensive.

 

If she had her way, she would have come back to your reception. This is what you need to know.

 

If your sis and this man ever don't work (and this may be a real possibility if he is as bad as he seems) she is going to need to know she can come to you. Make sure you don't say anything, if you choose to speak to her, that could do any permanent damage.

[syl1115]

Once again, thank ladies for all of your suggestions and advice. You are right, I need to speak with her privately. I have been avoiding her all weekend because it was bothering me so much. We just got back from our wedding and cruise on Thursday. I will talk to her and let you know what happened.

 

Thanks again, you are my support system!

[Hartyt509]

I'd confront her and ask her when she lost her backbone!! but thats me lol

 

I'd let it go but make sure she knows you don't believe her. If you are sister's you won't need to say much for her to get the hint and let her know you were gutted by what she did and that you would never put anyone between the 2 of you but obviously you have different views on your relationship and leave it at that.

 

I'd also back off and let her sort herself out with selfish boy, just make sure she knows you are there when it goes tits up but don't put yourself out for her anymore

[cougs]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hartyt509 I'd confront her and ask her when she lost her backbone!! but thats me lol I'd let it go but make sure she knows you don't believe her. If you are sister's you won't need to say much for her to get the hint and let her know you were gutted by what she did and that you would never put anyone between the 2 of you but obviously you have different views on your relationship and leave it at that. I'd also back off and let her sort herself out with selfish boy, just make sure she knows you are there when it goes tits up but don't put yourself out for her anymore

you're so eloquent, harty ... LMAO all the time at your colloquialisms

[Hartyt509]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mummergirl you're so eloquent, harty ... LMAO all the time at your colloquialisms

No the wonder I get on with my criminal clients lol