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hollym

Do I say something about money?

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I also agree with everyone else. Save what you can save and budget your wedding based on that and if they give something extra, consider it a bonus. In all of the wedding books I've seen it does break down the costs of what the bride's family pays as well as the groom's family but I think those are REALLY old traditions. These days, I don't think many people strictly adhere to those rules. We are paying for our wedding ourselves and my mom is throwing us an AHR as a gift. His mom, to my knowledge, is not paying for anything and we are completely fine with that.

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We paid for our wedding ourselves. Make your wedding for when you can afford to have it and stay within a budget you can afford. That is what we did then the day before we left my Dad ended up giving us a bunch of money. Totally unexpected. It was a nice surprise and gave us a bunch more spending money while we were gone! :)

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Even though that is the tradition a lot of people pay for their own wedding, therefore I think you should just come right out and ask. At least then you will know for sure.

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I would just be upfront and ask your mom if she can financially help you with the wedding and how much she could give you. I know its hard to ask for money, but I did. Before I began planning I asked my mom if she would be willing to help with paying for the wedding and she said of course she was planning on and it and she told me how much she could give us. It helped alot with planning and budgeting.

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Funny, but I have a different situation. I'm a more "mature" bride. Ok many of you would say I'm an old lady. My fiance and I are having a destination wedding in a place that we love, where we intend to retire. I'll be a 60 year old bride. We didn't want a traditional wedding, the kind many of you younger people are having. We both had one of those a gazillion years ago. Just a nice simple ceremony on the beach with a bunch of family and friends. I want to have a celebration party (I won't use the word "reception") after.

 

Well, my dear dad, who plans to attend, insists on paying for the wedding. I guess this is where the older traditions come in. He will be 90 when I get married. We don't want him to pay for it. I think what I will have to do is give him a minimum amount and let him gift us that. He is such a sweetheart.

 

This comes after my fiance just hit the poorhouse paying for his daughter's princess wedding in July. She "expected" her dad to pay for it. Yeah, I'm still fuming over that!

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It is tough, I know. M family hasn't brought it up either- then I got some $$ in the mail to help. Im kind of thinking with it being a DW people are caught off guard and not sure how much to give or how much it costs. Maybe they'll give once they start seeing the bills? Maybe not. Better to be pleasantly suprised!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karen View Post
I agree with Harty. It's best to base your budget on what the two of you can afford. Then whatever anyone else contributes is extra.
I totally agree with this.

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I actually see where you are coming from. Maybe it's a Wisconsin thing because around here most of the weddings are still paid by the parents. Although, times are changing and I think more and more couples are helping out. Perhaps it's because the average age of brides is getting older so we can actually afford to pay for it ourselves? I don't know.

None the less, I was in the same prediciment that you are in. My mom and dad made it quite clear what they were giving us... however his parents never did. And in the end, them coming to the wedding was their contribution. And that's FINE, and great! But, it would have been nice to know and I wish I would have asked. But, since I didn't know, I budgeted for everything, kept costs low, and then made sure that I could pay for everything if it came to that.

So, in conclusion of this LONG response... talk with your mom and then plan a low cost wedding that you and your FI can afford and will love.

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OMG...that is so sweet of your father!!

A suggestion from a "young one"...maybe your father could pay for your dress (as the tradition I know goes!). I think he would appreciate that!

My mom is paying for mine...my father has not offered anything yet (and I don't really expect him too!)

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by petunia View Post
Funny, but I have a different situation. I'm a more "mature" bride. Ok many of you would say I'm an old lady. My fiance and I are having a destination wedding in a place that we love, where we intend to retire. I'll be a 60 year old bride. We didn't want a traditional wedding, the kind many of you younger people are having. We both had one of those a gazillion years ago. Just a nice simple ceremony on the beach with a bunch of family and friends. I want to have a celebration party (I won't use the word "reception") after.

 

Well, my dear dad, who plans to attend, insists on paying for the wedding. I guess this is where the older traditions come in. He will be 90 when I get married. We don't want him to pay for it. I think what I will have to do is give him a minimum amount and let him gift us that. He is such a sweetheart.

 

This comes after my fiance just hit the poorhouse paying for his daughter's princess wedding in July. She "expected" her dad to pay for it. Yeah, I'm still fuming over that!

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I was fortunate that my parents told me flat out that they wanted to contribute and how much. (So sweet and generous of them!) Had they not done that though, I would've asked their financial/planning advice. Tell them you want their help on listing all of the expenses of the wedding and setting a budget (if you're confortable with this). If they're planning on contributing, this conversation would most likely bring that out. Just a thought!

 

I understand what you're saying...You don't expect it, but you would like to know if there is money available that you can count on.

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