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I need to know how to handle this situation...

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#21 DanielleNDerek

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    Posted 03 September 2008 - 11:02 AM

    I think the email you sent was good, it was short and to the point. Fsil should of had the decency to tell you that she couldn't attend your wedding instead of having her mom do it for her. I don't blame your fi for not bothering with them, it sounds like constant dissapointment. Glad he has you for support.
    ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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    #22 Jenn

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      Posted 03 September 2008 - 11:08 AM

      I definitely feel your pain. My DH's family are all useless and we went through this throughout our wedding planning. My two SIL's were supposed to be coming, we booked (and put the deposit down) for their room. We even offered to pay for part of their trip because it was important to my husband that they come. We knew money was tight for them. They repeatedly said they didn't need help, but didn't book plane tickets. Every month they said they were going to do it soon. 2 months before our wedding his older sister tells us she is pregnant and that it isn't safe for her to fly... keep in mind that I'm a doctor. She was going to be 4 months pregnant when we got married. She was not high risk. So we lost the money for their room.

      His Aunt and Uncle were going to come, but cancelled their trip because they "couldn't afford it". A month before our wedding they went to Punta Cana for a week. They later told us they weren't coming because they saw it as a family reunion and when his sisters cancelled, they "didn't see the point in coming".

      His dad never booked his trip. We had put down his deposit as well and lost the money. We left for Jamaica thinking he wasn't coming. 2 days after we got there the hotel manager told us that they received an internet booking for our wedding and wondered if we knew the person. It was his dad, who showed up 2 hours before we got married, half-lit, and refused to put nice clothes on. When he showed up, he said he wanted to surprise us. Who the hell surprises someone at their wedding?

      I take my DH's lead in how he wants to handle these things. He is constantly let down by them, but is not ready to cut them off, so I smile pretty and keep my mouth shut. If it was up to me I'd tell them all to go to hell and stop hurting my husband. But, its his family, so I let him tell me how he wants to deal with it. Someday I hope he'll be ready to tell them all off, but that day is not today...

      #23 Bisha

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        Posted 03 September 2008 - 11:13 AM

        Totally understand what you're going thorugh. I dont think any wedding goes without some kind of family drama! We had drama provided by both sides of the family in one way or another. As an example, FIL decided to invite his girlfriend's mother to the AHR without telling us. Mind you we paid for EVERYTHING ourselves. The way I found out about it was that her reply card said 2 with no names. I sent her an e-mail asking if she was referring to FIL as #2 and when she replied it was her mom since FIL invited them! I totally blew up but my e-mail was short and to the point: "it would have been nice to know who was being invited to OUR wedding without our knowledge!" She sort'of blew it off and it didn't go any further than that but, it felt good speaking up! It always does!

        #24 KAMAY11

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          Posted 03 September 2008 - 11:17 AM

          Jenn-wow our situations are very similar....a**hole in-laws who walk all over our men! I just want to stand up for my FI and tell his family to stop hurting him and letting him down....ugh.
          The part about his sister not wanting to fly because she was 4months pregnant is funny (*sarcasm*) My cousin was 8 1/2months pregnant and flew to BC from LA for her sister's wedding on her doctor's ok...the sh**t people come up with to not come to weddings baffles me!
          D & K
          October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


          #25 sunset78

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            Posted 03 September 2008 - 11:25 AM

            Soory to hear about the family situation. They can suck sometimes. But at least you said something about it. And since they are not going, you won't have to deal with them on your day.

            #26 Yari

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              Posted 03 September 2008 - 11:31 AM

              I am super late to this, but I like the email you sent to your FSIL.

              Sorry you are going through this. It is amazing how people act and react to DW's. I say F'them!

              Guess, I am grumpy too!

              #27 Emily&Matt

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                Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:15 PM

                I would let it go. Why make it even harder on the man you love? Vent about it to someone and then forget it. Your FI doesn't do much with them and now you know why. It won't accomplish anything to chew them out for it except to upset both of you. That's how they are and how they will always be, so go your own way and have a great life together!

                #28 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:46 PM

                  I'm late to it too but i'd have done roughly the same as you lol

                  I have in-laws very similar only diff is they wouldn't bloody dare do it to be because they know FI can't control what I say or do and that i'd tell them straight lol hence why I haven't spoken to his mother for ooo 8 months lmao

                  Our wedding will be interesting cause i'm not talking to the evil witch there either and if she asks me why I'll tell her lmao

                  If your FI has written them off just cut them off and don't have anything to with them and when they contact you tell them to poke off - unfortunately its a fact of life that some people are just oxygen theifs lol

                  #29 Amarillis

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                    Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:47 PM

                    Emily has a good point.

                    But, if you make yourself a doormat now, there is no turning back...

                    But now is not really a good time for me to be offering advice.

                    Hang in there! I'm with ya girl!

                    #30 Kelly C

                    Kelly C
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                      Posted 03 September 2008 - 04:02 PM

                      I think your email was good. I would just lwt things be and move on and enjoy each other. Were getting so close. There is no time for drama.
                      Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


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