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I need to know how to handle this situation...

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#1 KAMAY11

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    Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:07 PM

    Ok, here's some background info-My FI is not super close with his family....his mom is a total flake and he has issues with her from growing up. (she was super young when she had him, there was a swinging door of men, abandoning him when he was 13, going w/o electricty and heat for days on end etc.) Everything my FI has accomplished in life has been on his own...he has never asked for anything from her. (Even if he did, she would never give it to him) He also has a sister (who couldn't be more different than my FI...she relies on their mom for everything! Re: money) My FI just can't be bothered with a relationship with either of them, and as our relationship progresses i can see why.

    ANyway, when we got engaged and decided on a DW his sister pretty much decided for me that her daughter was going to be our flower girl. (Fine, not a big deal). She bought a flower girl dress, asked if her friend could come to the wedding (who was going to be in Cabo as well) and swore up, down, sideways and backwards they were going to come to our wedding. NOW, i get an email from his mom saying his sister ISN'T coming (for some reason his sister can't tell me herself?). I am torn....a part of me is sooo mad at them for letting my FI down once again (he would never admit it though) and wondering if I should say anything or just let it go
    D & K
    October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


    #2 Jacqueline

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      Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:21 PM

      What a sucky situation you're in, so sorry. It's so hard to say what you should do. Part of me wants to say to say something but more of me thinks not too. What does your FI think? IMO it's kinda like, they are who they are and won't change, so just consider the source and let it go. It's a shame and I feel bad that your FI was let down like that.

      #3 happygilmore

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        Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:24 PM

        My thoughts are you should in the nicest way you possibly can let them know that 1) you understand things happen but that you both are really disappointed about them not being able to come 2) that you wish the SIL had told you herself not through mommy mediator!!!! At leat you'll have it off your chest but won't come off looking like the b*tch, even though you have every right too!!!!

        #4 becks



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          Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:35 PM

          I'm not feeling particularly sweet today (), so take this with a grain of salt....

          But, they've let your FI down at every turn. Regardless of the promises, I'm sure in the back of your mind you were waiting for them to leave you hanging again.

          So, if it were me, I'd say something snarky like "I figured all along" or something. Oh, and if you have another friend who is coming and bringing her daughter... "Oh, that's GREAT! Because I really wanted so-and-so's daughter to be my flower girl"

          However, this is your FI's family - so check with him first.

          Happily married since 2008

          Allurements by Rebecca - Destination Wedding Invitations and more

          #5 ErinB


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            Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:43 PM

            I LOVE Beck's answer. I'm not in the nicest of moods either.

            I think Megan's answer might be best. Tell them you understand, are disappointed, not surprised that this happend and that you are saddened that FSIL couldn't tell you herself.

            I think you do need to address the situation for you, so it doesn't fester, and be done with it.

            #6 KAMAY11

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              Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:48 PM

              Thank you girls!!!!
              I am not in the best mood today either...but I think i'll go with a firm email. Not too bitchy, but gets the point across!
              (I do like your answer though Becks!!!)
              D & K
              October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


              #7 KAMAY11

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                Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:53 PM

                Sorry, one more thing-I just re-read the email that my LOVELY FMIL wrote and look at my favorite part:
                "I understand that you are getting married first in Calgary - I do hope that you will invite Sarah and the kids as they are not able to go to Mexico - Sarah in particular would feel as if she has some family there who care."
                WTF?!!!!??!!! SHE hopes we'll invite her to feel like SHE has family that care?!?!?!?!!
                WHAT ABOUT MY FI??
                I'm sorry-I'm so mad right now, i'm shaking.
                D & K
                October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


                #8 Bianca

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                  Posted 02 September 2008 - 12:59 PM

                  I would just be like "Thanks for letting me know" and leave it at that, but i love Becks ideas!

                  edit--- just saw your new post. I would say that the civil ceremony is only paper work and you only wanted you two to be there or something...
                  19 adults/3 children with flights booked! 10 rooms booked!


                  #9 RaydensMama

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                    Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:04 PM

                    I would make sure you talk with your FI about this first. I wouldnt just send an email. Id make sure you discuss it, just to make sure that he is okay with what you are saying to them. I really hope it all works out and im so sorry you are going through this!

                    #10 roo66

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                      Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:09 PM

                      errrrrr.im mad too. kaylee dont send an email tell her like it is.Ive always been told dont write it, it could be used against you later.Im sure doug kinda knew this might happen.I dont think id even reply open a bottle of wine a chill these kind of people are not worth it.They will always be the victim enjoy your wedding day and im sure when doug sees you walking down towards him on the big day he wont even miss them.does he have any family and friends going?ive just thought on the day you could send him timed letters so hes not thinking about his family but what the next letter is going to say.example 8.30 11.00 1.30 etc small teasers if you like. hope that helps.x

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