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family? friends? who needs 'em?


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#1 Jenn6603

Jenn6603
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    Posted 08 August 2008 - 11:43 PM

    argggggh.

    I am really feeling like I just want to cancel this whole thing that I have spent all this time and energy on (my wedding in PV) and run away, say the vows and just come home and say, "guess what? since you all complained so much, couldn't follow instructions, didn't want to offer any assistance, and just were pretty darn laid back about it all, we decided you obviously didn't want to be part of our big day so we ran off and did it without you!"

    hmmph.

    I am tired of my SIL saying things to me like, "well, i dunno if we can come... we'll see..."

    I am tired of my very own sister telling me, "guess what? I think my friend might get married in the same resort as you - we are just trying to see if we can get her a date in the same week you are getting married so we can save some money!"

    I am tired of people now avoiding us because they have received our "save the date/travel arrangement invites" and they aren't sure what they are doing. I think they think that the deposit I have asked for them to make by next Friday is really a joke (we picked the most popular time of the year PLUS a top resort - the bookings need to be made NOW... plus we only invited our CLOSEST family & friends).

    I am tired of family whispering behind my back while they discuss how selfish we are because we are getting married in Mexico instead of in someone's backyard here. Oh yeah... they are quite disgusted that we didn't pick spring break so their kids would be out of school - if they come, their kids will have to be taken out of school (which would have been more expensive)...

    and I am really tired of my own mother trying to make me feel like I don't deserve the wedding of my dreams because I am 42 years old and I have lived with my future husband for 2 years (this is both of our first and ONLY marriage!) - if she asks me if I got a "wedding wedding dress" one more time (and wedding is written twice on purpose), I will scream!!!

    ***sigh***

    I am just wondering if its even worth having people there? The thought of us hopping on a plane and just going on a 2 week vacation is much more appealing...

    sorry... just needed to vent.
    Jenn

    #2 Yari

    Yari
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      Posted 08 August 2008 - 11:50 PM

      Hang in there, I think we have all felt this at some point in our planning a DW. This is a great place to vent.

      You need to have the wedding of your dreams and to all the naysayers screw them!

      #3 lscilley

      lscilley
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        Posted 08 August 2008 - 11:53 PM

        Wow so sorry you are going through all this I am dealing with similar stuff with one of my BM's and some friends but I just sat down one day with my FI and he made me realize we are doing this for us. So I decided that I'm not listening to anyone anymore I will tell them the details if they come they come if they don't well oh well! Anyone that really wants to be there will be there!
        So I think you should do the same do the best you can and enjoy your engagement cause this is for you and your FI and planning your wedding is supposed to be fun! Hope things turn around for you just think positive.

        #4 litl_april

        litl_april
        • Jr. Member
        • 351 posts

          Posted 09 August 2008 - 12:06 AM

          Well said!
          Sorry for all of your troubles. I can relate to a pretty good amount of it. I, too, have been called selfish, and my sister thinks the $130 I've been finding as basically the cheapest dresses is too much for her. My mom tried to change my mind many times about this saying, "are you sure this is what you want to do?"..haha, we've been engaged nearly two years already, we've had time to think about it...I think we're sure. My FI's family has been pretty supportive about it (his mom LOVES to travel and actually just became a certified travel agent).
          So...I don't really know what to say to make it feel better. Honestly, I find the, "Do what you want, it's your wedding," comment to not really be all that reassuring. I imagine others get the same responses, together we can get through it. This forum has been a lifesaver for me already, I know! I hope things get better for you. I'll be around if you need to vent some more!

          #5 sunset78

          sunset78
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          • 1,280 posts

            Posted 09 August 2008 - 12:29 AM

            Sorry to hear that you are going through this. It seems to be a trend with most DW weddings. It's your special day, do it the way you guys want to remember... and if the others want to be there, they'll be there. Otherwise, to heck with them, you can't make everyone happy, and your happiness is first priority.

            #6 Kat81

            Kat81
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            • 7,615 posts

              Posted 09 August 2008 - 12:41 AM

              My mom hasn't put away a dime to go and I get married in less than a month.. we will see if she makes it. My sister can't go do to personal reasons and my little brother MIGHT go. I got stressed for a while but you know what... It is their loss. You and your FI will be there what more do you need? Just remember who made an effort to be there for you, by there I don't mean in Mexico some people just can't come, I mean there for you mentally and emotionally. Your true supporters will come out and you will know who is who on your priority list. I can tell you a lot of my family has moved way down on the list and people you barely knew will become your greatest friend. Just hang in there and remember... You are not selfish. You are doing what you want to do.

              #7 Debs

              Debs
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              • 7,104 posts

                Posted 09 August 2008 - 12:48 AM

                Oh, yes, I think pretty much all of us when through one form of this or another.

                Screw everyone else. I told so many people, "you know, we aren't young kids getting married and it being paid for by daddy. We are doing what WE can afford, which means it's a wedding and honeymoon together. Sorry you can't make it".

                End of story. Do what you want. We had 10 including us and it was perfect.

                #8 Chantal85

                Chantal85
                • Jr. Member
                • 224 posts

                  Posted 09 August 2008 - 01:24 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Jenn6603
                  argggggh.

                  I am really feeling like I just want to cancel this whole thing that I have spent all this time and energy on (my wedding in PV) and run away, say the vows and just come home and say, "guess what? since you all complained so much, couldn't follow instructions, didn't want to offer any assistance, and just were pretty darn laid back about it all, we decided you obviously didn't want to be part of our big day so we ran off and did it without you!"

                  hmmph.

                  I am tired of my SIL saying things to me like, "well, i dunno if we can come... we'll see..."

                  I am tired of my very own sister telling me, "guess what? I think my friend might get married in the same resort as you - we are just trying to see if we can get her a date in the same week you are getting married so we can save some money!"

                  I am tired of people now avoiding us because they have received our "save the date/travel arrangement invites" and they aren't sure what they are doing. I think they think that the deposit I have asked for them to make by next Friday is really a joke (we picked the most popular time of the year PLUS a top resort - the bookings need to be made NOW... plus we only invited our CLOSEST family & friends).

                  I am tired of family whispering behind my back while they discuss how selfish we are because we are getting married in Mexico instead of in someone's backyard here. Oh yeah... they are quite disgusted that we didn't pick spring break so their kids would be out of school - if they come, their kids will have to be taken out of school (which would have been more expensive)...

                  and I am really tired of my own mother trying to make me feel like I don't deserve the wedding of my dreams because I am 42 years old and I have lived with my future husband for 2 years (this is both of our first and ONLY marriage!) - if she asks me if I got a "wedding wedding dress" one more time (and wedding is written twice on purpose), I will scream!!!

                  ***sigh***

                  I am just wondering if its even worth having people there? The thought of us hopping on a plane and just going on a 2 week vacation is much more appealing...

                  sorry... just needed to vent.
                  Jenn


                  You are not alone! I hear you! Goodness do I ever know that feeling of being sick and tired. I've been hearing passive aggressive comments from the in-laws side and my own mother stomps her feet at every wedding detail we discuss. In fact, we aren't on speaking terms right now because she upsets me so much, making me feel bad about my wedding choice.

                  I've been so upset that I have turned to my FI and said "I don't want a wedding!"

                  But my FI has a good motto that he has adopted...(excuse the profanity) but he says "F**K 'EM!" because in the end, its just the two of us in this relationship.

                  If this is what you and your FI want, do it. Those who don't want to co-operate or join in are definitely missing out. If there's one thing I've learned from this forum, its that most DW guests end up having the time of their life.

                  Don't beat yourself up. This trouble is fairly normal. I end this reply wishing you strength and happiness....and a fantastic wedding in PV!

                  #9 Hartyt509

                  Hartyt509
                  • Sr. Member
                  • 2,262 posts

                    Posted 09 August 2008 - 03:13 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Chantal85
                    But my FI has a good motto that he has adopted...(excuse the profanity) but he says "F**K 'EM!" because in the end, its just the two of us in this relationship.
                    My sentiments entirely and i've said it about 100x so far lol

                    I know its stressful now but take a deep breath, a step back, chill for 2 mins, say to yourself fuck them and you'll come out with re-newed energy and me sooo much happier.

                    Its hard saying that to the people you are closest 2 but sometimes you just have to

                    #10 FLgator

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                    • Jr. Member
                    • 253 posts

                      Posted 09 August 2008 - 08:49 AM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Jenn6603
                      argggggh.

                      I am tired of people now avoiding us because they have received our "save the date/travel arrangement invites" and they aren't sure what they are doing. I think they think that the deposit I have asked for them to make by next Friday is really a joke (we picked the most popular time of the year PLUS a top resort - the bookings need to be made NOW... plus we only invited our CLOSEST family & friends).
                      I feel you on this one. Our famlies have been wonderful, but our friends are now MIA. EVeryone couldn't shutup about when we were going to get married before we were engaged, and now that invitations are out and deposits are due no one says a word.

                      Try not to let it all get to you, ultimately the day is about you and your future husband, you should spend the day how you guys want!




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