Anyone have a friend who's in a bad relationship?

[Davematthews16]

I could go on and on about this but to make it short: I lost my very best friend to her F*** head husband. They have now been married 4 years, have 2 kids, and she's miserable of course but will NOT leave him. He cheats, is verbally abusive (probably physical who knows) hasn't paid taxes in 3 years, and is an alcoholic...Other than that he's a real catch LMFAO (NOT) I have now come to the conclusion that maybe someday she'll call me if she ever leaves him. I've tried to remain her friend but when people choose to stay in a shitty situation it's their own fault and there's nothing you can do. I miss that girl like crazy and it makes me so sad that she lets some man control her life

[Emily&Matt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by becks I have a good friend in the same boat. She's super sweet, smart, gorgeous... And she is so desperate...

Well, that's what I think they are...DESPERATE. Desperate for one thing or the other so they SETTLE for someone - anyone. They can't see themselves as worth anyone better. They have probably been emotionally abused. They let people push and shove them around and use them and abuse them. They seem to attract people who are users, self-centered and controlling. I've looked at a lot of stuff about emotional abuse because that's what I saw my father and sister do to my mother my whole life until she got away from them. Everyone loved them because they were so charming, and then my mother was the bad person because she exposed what was going on by leaving them because she didn't want to be treated like that anymore.

I don't know what you can do for your friends or family members in this kind of boat. They have to realize for themselves that they are not going to be someone else's doormat or punching bag.

[boscobel]

Yeah, I know the feeling. But like said above, she needs to find out on her own.

 

I think woman feel pressure to be with someone. Whether they are worthy or not. All you can do is be there for her and keep it honest.

[Infinity22]

I have a friend who's currently in a situation like this (along with many from the past) and really, all you can do is let them learn for themselves. You can tell her how much you disagree with her being with him until you're blue in the face but in the end, people are going to do what they want to do. She has an emotional connection to this guy and that's not easy to let go of. Maybe through enough of their fights, she'll get the picture before someone more permanent happens.....like getting pregnant!

[nikkianddean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek Unfortunately we can't help our friends move on unless they decide they want to move on.

danielle is right. people will only move whne they are ready. No one can "show them the way." learned that with my MOH when she was in a horrible relationship. i kept my opinion to myself the whole time. when she was upset or they "broke up" I was there for her. I would do whatever I could to take her mind off him and just have fun. But she left when she was ready. The one mistake i did make was to agree with her after the fact that he was a jerk. It caused her to think i was talking about her behind her back (when I was not).

J- the best thing i can say is to continue to be a great friend like you are doing now

[jmiranda]

Its very hard to see your friends go through this when you know that it is not a healthy relationship. I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for 9 years and they constantly fight about everything. They break up like every 2 months and then get back together. She always comes to us and tells us that she is done with him and f him and f that but she ends up right back with him. All of her friends tell her and support her in leaving him but she goes right back its been the same thing over and over again. I wish I knew a way to get through her

[Jacqueline]

Thx ladies for your advice. I guess she will learn on her own. It's just a shame to cut yourself short like that, when we all deserve the best. I guess she dont realize it being IN the relationship. And when they do finally break up (i hope soon than later), she will look at it from the outside and say "OMG what was I Thinking!!"

[jajajaja]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikkianddean The one mistake i did make was to agree with her after the fact that he was a jerk. It caused her to think i was talking about her behind her back (when I was not).

I absolutely agree here. I made the mistake of agreeing with a friend when she broke up with a dirt bag that he was indeed an ass, jerk, douche (insert every other name here). She got back together with him and then faulted me for not liking the guy. Well geesh!

I have to say that's the hardest role to play as a friend. You HATE the person they are with, yet if you open your big yapper, the friend thinks you are being a bad friend (or judgemental, unsupportive, jealous, etc) for not liking their asshole boyfriend. However, when they are on a break, they have no problems when you agree with them about how crappy he is. But when they get back together, you better start liking the guy again too. UGH!

You can't force someone to see it- they have to open their eyes and see it for themselves. As hard as that is, you can't make people move on. You just have to hope and pray that they finally do.

In the meantime, just be the best friend that you can be.

[Sandra E.]

She's definitely not ready to leave him even know I'm sure she knows he's not good for her. It's hard when you're on the outside looking in and you just wish she would get out. The best thing you can do is be there for her when she looks for your support.