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Jacqueline

Anyone have a friend who's in a bad relationship?

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i feel like dr phil today. i had a good girl friend of mine email and call me about her man, shes sad and confused, and told me they broke up, but she is happy about it cuz she knows he's bad for her, and that she needs time for herself. and after all that, sitting on the phone all day, a few times, she just emailed me and is right back where they started- "back together". does anyone else have any friends like this, and does it make you so sad that they deal with it? it's like, this girl is SUCH a genuine sweet girl and her man is controlling, mean, blames her for stuff, verbally abusive, picks fights over everything, manipulative, belittling, etc. they arent engaged, no kids, both live in diff houses, but have been dating for over a year. they had a huge fight over the weekend (this is every week i hear about a new fight). so we made plans to go to hang out on fri, to take her mind off things - but they are now going to be together. if it was a normal relationship, i wouldnt care, but its not healthy and i hate that she is back with him. joe said to not get involved and that she needs to learn on her own, but i mean,wtf, its my friend and what am i supposed to do, just sit back and watch her take this sh*? ah it gets me so mad. what do people do when they have friends that are in waste of time relationships. of course im going to listen and be there whenever she needs, even if its over and over again, but how can i get through to her that she deserves betterhuh.gif

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Sorry you're going through this. I have a few friends like that and it's unfortunate but it's your friend, not this guy who's the problem. If it isn't this guy, chances are the next guy will be the same (or worse).

 

Some people either lack confidence in themselves or project themselves in such a way that makes them a good "victim" and it becomes part of who they are. (Ever have a friend that is in a normal relationship and finds every excuse to end it because the guy is "too nice" or "boring".. more likely than not, he's actually treating her well and she doesn't know how to deal with that.)

 

All you can do is be a good friend but be very honest about how you feel about the person she's with. Let her know you'll be there for her. Sorry that wasn't very helpful but I've been there before and just like your partner, you can't change your friends... or offer help if they haven't asked.

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i don't now, as all of my friends are old married farts (no offense girls wink.gif ), but i agree - it sucks...the only thing that you really can do is be there for her, and maybe even guide her in the right direction by modeling a healthy relationship.

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Originally Posted by cheese_diva View Post
Sorry you're going through this. I have a few friends like that and it's unfortunate but it's your friend, not this guy who's the problem. If it isn't this guy, chances are the next guy will be the same (or worse).

Some people either lack confidence in themselves or project themselves in such a way that makes them a good "victim" and it becomes part of who they are. (Ever have a friend that is in a normal relationship and finds every excuse to end it because the guy is "too nice" or "boring".. more likely than not, he's actually treating her well and she doesn't know how to deal with that.)

All you can do is be a good friend but be very honest about how you feel about the person she's with. Let her know you'll be there for her. Sorry that wasn't very helpful but I've been there before and just like your partner, you can't change your friends... or offer help if they haven't asked.

u were def helpful! what you said makes total sense. i just hate when women stay in bad relationships like this. i was in one for a long time, very abusive guy, verbally, physically, just a very mean hurtful person, and i stayed there for 2 years or so, until i woke up one day and said "f this". so maybe thats what happens, people just wake up one day, when its there time, but i hate to see her go through it. i take it too personal when i shouldnt, hence its not my relationship.

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Originally Posted by lauren c. View Post
i don't now, as all of my friends are old married farts (no offense girls wink.gif ), but i agree - it sucks...the only thing that you really can do is be there for her, and maybe even guide her in the right direction by modeling a healthy relationship.
yes, i am going to try alil harder maybe. ? get her OUT and do things without him too even.

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i have a friend who is in a bad relationship but it's not one sided. i'm friends with her boyfriend too but am a lot closer to her. they fight constantly, she's always crying, and she was so unhappy that she cheated on him in the past and he did the same. since i know both of them i try to stay out of it. they are both wrong and their relationship is really dysfunctional.

 

At first i would suggest that maybe she should leave for a bit but after years of the same problems i now just listen and keep my mouth shut.

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Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek View Post
i have a friend who is in a bad relationship but it's not one sided. i'm friends with her boyfriend too but am a lot closer to her. they fight constantly, she's always crying, and she was so unhappy that she cheated on him in the past and he did the same. since i know both of them i try to stay out of it. they are both wrong and their relationship is really dysfunctional.

At first i would suggest that maybe she should leave for a bit but after years of the same problems i now just listen and keep my mouth shut.
yeah its a shame b/c life is too short to live that way. life is about being happy and sharing it with someone you love and with someone who makes you smile and all that goo-goo gah gah stuff. she cant even TALK to a guy co-worker without him snapping at her (they work together) i just cant stand him. they came to joe's 30th and had to leave early b/c my guests (um yeah some MEN) were being nice talking to her and her man took it the wrong way. they fought all the way home she said. :o( just breaks my heart.

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I have a good friend in the same boat. She's super sweet, smart, gorgeous...

 

And she's been dating a married man for about 2 years now. He's told her several times that he's getting a divorce, etc., but he's not. And even if he did, he wouldn't marry my friend. And she is so desperate to settle down and have kids, she hangs in with him thru all this s**t that he puts her thru.

 

They've broken up at least 5 times that I know of. And I thought (sigh) that she was finally moving on, but now it looks like she's caving.

 

I want to hit her over the head with a bat! He's SO bad for her. And in point of fact, he's preventing her from finding a relationship that will give her what she really wants. It makes me so sad.

 

Worst part is that she's destroyed her personal life to accomodate him. She'll sit at home and wait for him rather than going out with friends. She cuts off people that he doesn't like. Terrible stuff....

 

I have no idea how to get her to move on. And it breaks my heart.

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Yep I've got one 2 but he's a bloke. i've got to the stage where I sympathise and make all the noises but leave him to it now. If he's not gonna learn with help he's gotta learn on his own

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