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HELP - do I ask my BM to step down??

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#1 BermudaBride922

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    Posted 19 June 2008 - 11:40 AM

    Hi everyone - I am having a dillema with one of my bridesmaids and I don't know what to do.

    Some background...

    Wedding: My wedding is in 3 months and we are doing a DW in Bermuda, about 97% of our guests will be going to the island via cruise ship with us. The only ones meeting us there can't take the time off or in the case of one of my bridesmaids will have a 4 week old newborn. Financially it doesnt make sense for any guests to go straight to the Island because the same amount will give them a 5 day cruise vacation. Booking has already closed with final balances being paid out the beginning of July.

    My Bridesmaids: my bridesmaids consist of my best friends since highscoo. 3 of the 4 are married and in each of their weddings it was the same group (give or take a sister or other friend). So when I got engaged it was only naturaly for me to choose my 4 best friends. It is also worth to note that the BM who is giving me issues just got married 3 weeks ago and I was in the bridal party. Wedding was great and me and the other BM's did everything this asked.

    So, this brings us to my dillema ... one of my BM's has yet to make her cruise reservation or let me know if she is going straight to the Island. There has been NO communication of her attendance, when we ordered their dresses she didnt try them on and until I left several voicemails and emails did she write me back with her measurements and a check in the mail (as all of you know its best to order the dresses at once so the color is the same and she knew she was holding up the process). Still today, I have no idea whether she is coming and from a bigger picture she has given me no support. It hurts me even more because I was there for her wedding and supposedly she is one of my best friends. My other BM's dont really know what to say, they agree that its horrible that she is doing this, but there is hesitency to cut her out of the party since she has been our best friend for more then 10 years.

    So what do i do?
    1. Do nothing
    2. Call her on it and then depending on her reaction make a decision

    Thanks in advance for all your advice!!

    #2 stacey


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      Posted 19 June 2008 - 11:46 AM

      Just call her and ask what her plans are.
      Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

      #3 NYJen

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        Posted 19 June 2008 - 11:48 AM

        I definitely think you should invite her out for dinner/drinks and have a heart to heart with her about it. Don't raise your voice, just let her know you're disappointed. And I would also tell her that if your wedding is too much for her to do right now, then that's fine and you're ok if she needs to step down. Put the ball in her court and see what she says.

        #4 Agape Gems

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          Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:02 PM

          I agree, have a talk with her. Maybe there is something going in her life that she hasn't told you about. Sometimes people are embarrassed when money is too tight to do something and so they just keep putting off telling you that they can't do what they said they would do in hopes that their situation will change in time.
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          #5 Yari

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            Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:08 PM

            I agree with everyone, talk to her. There is something up and it may not be related to you or the wedding. I would call her up and say you need to talk to her over dinner. Sit her down and ask her what is going on. You might be surprised what she says. Lots of time people seem to clam up in order to not hurt or stress the bride out. When in reality it stresses the hell out of us. I was in your shoes before earlier and it was all fixed. I did shed way too many tears over it cause I was so hurt, but in the end I realized that my friend really cared about me and didn't know how to let me down.

            #6 Jacqueline

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              Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:12 PM

              I agree, I'd have a heart to heart with her and see what's going on. Good luck and keep us posted.

              #7 Copita

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                Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:20 PM

                Call her and ask if she is coming to your wedding. Say, I haven't heard from you at all and am wondering what is up.

                From there, go on. If she starts being wishy-washy, you have your answer...

                Good luck, chica!

                #8 Jen_S

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                  Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:28 PM

                  I also agree to have a heart to heart and see what she plans on doing. It is not worth hurting your friendship.
                  Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

                  #9 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 19 June 2008 - 03:51 PM

                    Just ask her outright if there is a problem - maybe after her wedding she is really broke and doesn't know how to tell you. Ask her or you'll never know

                    #10 Kelly C

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                      Posted 19 June 2008 - 03:57 PM

                      I agree I would just ask...
                      Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


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