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Is it worth it to have a bridal party?

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#1 rodent


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    Posted 06 June 2008 - 03:50 PM

    It sounds like having a bridal party is a huge source of stress for so many people. There is the stress of people dropping out, letting you down, or being PITAs about their responsibilities. Even if everything goes smooth, there is the stress of finding a dress for all the BMs, getting bouquets for them & keeping them up-to-date on the plans. So I'm wondering if after all the stress, do people think it's worth it to have a bridal party?

    It's a way to recognize & honor close friends & family. It is also fun when you are all together getting ready. You have that support from your girls. Also, it sounds like a lot of people's BMs help out with stuffing envelopes, glueing invitations, throwing showers, etc. But, maybe you can still give the recognition & have the support without having BMs. Also, many of my friends have offered to help with wedding stuff even though they are not BMs.

    I thought it might be helpful for people starting to plan if we talk about the pros & cons of a bridal party and maybe some alternatives.

    It took us a while to decide what to do about a bridal party. We went through several options. At first we were just going to wait & see who books. Then it started to look like Mike wouldn't have many friends go & I'd have many more girls. I was fine with an imbalance, but I wouldn't want 6 on one side & 1 on the other. In the end it's a good thing we didn't plan on having a bridal party because none of Mike's guys are going. Also, some of my really close girls can't make it. So I ended up having "honorary BMs" and recognized them that way. Now after seeing all the stress many of you have gone through to have a bridal party, I am wondering if it worked out better for us that we didn't and if people would suggest not having a bridal party for a DW. Or maybe we just hear about the stressful stuff because that what is more likely to be posted.

    I'll post after my wedding if I felt like something was missing by not having BMs. I'm hoping that the girls who are there will give me the support a bridal party normal gives the bride.

    There is definitly no right or wrong way to do it, but what advice would you give someone starting out & wondering if they should have a bridal party?

    #2 Hartyt509

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      Posted 06 June 2008 - 03:53 PM

      Nope I think its up to the individual really. I'm not having one at all - people I find are unreliable so I thought why give myself the stress and extra expense so didn't bother lol

      Asked a couple of friends to be witnesses and that was me lol There again I'm a devil for saying no i'll do stuff on my own thanks lmao

      #3 Maura


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      Posted 06 June 2008 - 03:55 PM

      honestly, if i had to do it all over again, i wouldve not had a bridal party at all and just made my two best friends "honorary BMs"

      all of the stress and drama is just NOT worth it. plus everytime someone backs out of your wedding, you will always be uber disappointed. that feeling is TENFOLD when its a member of the bridal party.

      to have honorary BMs, they can still get ready with you in your room and all that jazz, they just dont stand at the altar with you. i wouldve saved much time and frustration if id decided to not have a bridal party. i love my SIL and two best friends who are all still in the bridal party, but most brides do not TRULY understand that not everyone in their life is as excited for their wedding as they are. this causes a lot of disappointment to the bride when the BMs "let her down"

      #4 Spazz

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        Posted 06 June 2008 - 03:55 PM

        I couldn't imagine NOT having a bridal party. I know a lot of the girls here have issues, but (not to sound like I'm gloating b/c really I'm not) I didn't at all. I am very lucky to have 3 sisters and 1 SIL and 4 BFFs who didn't utter one word of complaint for the entire year I was crazy planning or while we were away in Jamaica. Getting ready with them and hanging out all day in my room was just so perfect. Also, they were all so awesome in putting together my shower and bachelorette party.
        So I guess my advice would be if you can't envision your wedding planning, preparation and day without those closest to you being your BMs, then you have to have it. I'm sure I could have not had one, and the girls would have been there with me anyway getting ready, but having them be a part of it just made it so much more special to me.

        #5 Jenn

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          Posted 06 June 2008 - 03:59 PM

          We didn't have a bridal party, and it worked out well for us. We toyed with a MOH and BM for a while, but the people we were going to ask didn't actually make it to our wedding, so I think it worked out well. We would've had a lot of anger and resentment towards them if we had actually asked, to be honest. I didn't feel like something was missing on my day, and my girlfriends helped me get ready, along with my mom. I think not having a bridal party saved us a LOT of stress and probably some money.

          #6 Alyssa

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            Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:01 PM

            I have a large bridal party and couldn't imagine doing it without them. honestly, there have been a few times when i was like, "what did i get myself into?" b/c there are so many other costs involved but these girls (some family, most friends) and I have been through so much together and have amazing friendships - the cool thing is all my girls are friends with eachother or have made friends b/c of our wedding so they hasn't been any drama. I feel very lucky!

            #7 Amarillis

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              Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:02 PM

              My bridal party is small, just two my MOH is my sister and my BM is my BFF from elementary school (since we are to be wed in Cuba my BM is also my witness).

              These girls have seen me through the roughest patches of my life. I couldn't imagine not having them beside me as I change from Me to WE.

              They have done SO much and still the wedding is so far away - dress shopping 3 times - and travelling far distances to do so. Helping with travel arrangements, wed-site review, invites and save the dates (labelling, stamping etc.), and I know that they have been planning a special event for me for labour day weekend.

              My MOH and BM ROCK! and I love them both dearly!

              #8 rodent


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                Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:07 PM

                interesting responses. I do think it's a individual case decision, but it's still great to hear others perspectives.

                I'm hoping some girls hang out with me while I get ready, but I'm leaving it up to them. if they want to be at the pool or beach thats fine with me. I doubt I'll end up getting ready alone the whole time. Someone is bound to want to hang out :)

                #9 Rachelle E.

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                  Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:13 PM

                  I agree it's probably up to the individual. But also, I think you need to know your friends and be realistic about what you expect from them. I have a couple friends (more like aquaintences...but they'll work for this example) that I wouldn't ever ask to help me w/ something or to be in a bridal party. Not because they're bad people etc. But because they are they type of people who just attract drama. Nothing is ever simple and easy, it's always a big dramatic ordeal. They're just those kinds of girls. And those are the ones that are a PITA in these types of situations. If you know your bff is super dramatic, flighty, forgetful etc etc...realize that this will NOT change because you are getting married. Even when she's your MOH...she will still be super dramatic, flighty, forgetful etc... even though you love her! ;-)

                  Luckily, my two sisters, my BFF and my two SIL's that were in my bridal party are not of that variety. They're just go with the flow kind of people. Two of them had been married/had weddings so I think that helps. They know from experience what a stressful time it is and dont' want to add to that. But overall they were just happy for David and I, excited about everything and willing to help if I needed it. They were just super chill and it was great! I cannot imagine having gone through all this w/out them. They were absolutely a special part of my day. And they made the whole engagement/planning process feel special and fun. They'd email pics of things they thought I'd like (decor, flowers etc), ran and errand here and there for me, planned all the fun showers and bach party and just made me feel really loved. It was awesome! :-)

                  So bottome line, Yes, I think having a bridal party is worth it. Of course there are always exceptions... lol!

                  #10 vale

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                    Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:17 PM

                    I think my situation is slightly different to most as my bridal party are my children, whom haven't given me any grief, are as excited as I am and because they are my children, they do as they are told so I have not had any issues. I'm not sure if I would have had a bridal party though if I didn't have my children.

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