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Chiquita

Need sisterly advice

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I haven't got any sisters so for me its quite easy to say don't back down like i did before. FI has 2 sisters, one he gets on with one he doesn't, she isn't being invited to our wedding no matter how much FMIL kicks off and if she doesn't watch it she'll be uninvited lol point is FI always says "she's my sister I love her, but I sure as hell don't like her", so if you don't want her involved don't involve her

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This is a tough one all i can add is that my brother got married( big wedding )and there was not one photo taken of myself or my two boys who were 3 and 5.When i think of there wedding day thats what i remember,come to think of it my mum acted a bit strange to.i wasnt allowed to know the colours of the bm dresses etc and was told it was a secret.i guess what im saying its hard being left out.My brother and i have never been close.we come together when there is a drama like if my mum and dad are sick ,when he had cancer and when my 13 yr old sister died suddenly but day to day we dont have very much to say.I think it may be an idea to take your self to your wedding day and think when your getting ready what will i be thinking, will you think of her when she let you down last year or will you be thinking of her feeling sad at not being a bm.only you know the answers i hope it comes to you quickly.

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I was my sister's MOH when she married about 15 years ago. I'm not having a bridal party, so I don't have to worry about reciprocating, but honestly I wouldn't have. I love my sister, and we are really very close, but she's not the one who has been there for me thru thick or thin. Those are my girlfriends and they are the ones who would be my bridesmaids.

 

It sounds like your sister is upset because she thinks she ought to have been invited to be a bridesmaid, not because she affirmatively wants to be one.

 

I wouldn't extend the invite. Ask her to do a reading, or give her some other role. But it's your wedding and you can decide who is and isn't going to stand up with you.

 

If you need something to dissuade her interest, remind her of the expense - 1/3 of the bridal shower costs; 1/3 of the bachelorette party costs; her dress; etc. If there was a fuss over your grandmother's will, I'm guessing laying out the expense associated with being a BM might have some impact.

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My sister and I are by no means "best friends"-close but I made her my maid of honor because she is blood and my sister. I know everyone is different but I would feel heartbroken/crushed if she got married and didn't include me in her wedding party.

That is my personal opinion, though.

I know we all feel differently about this.

I will say though, that since planning the wedding, we have gotten closer and she has helped me tremendously! :)

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I say go with your gut.

 

Only you know your sister. I would not ask her to do a toast - like redheaney said about being a woman scorned...especially if she has a few drinks...not a good idea IMO.

 

I say stick with a poem or verse or something and be sure to mention her in your wedding program.

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I would definitely ask her. Weddings are important family events, and with a small family (you didn't mention any other siblings) I can understand why she feels left out. Who cares about numbers, what's more important - having "equal" numbers and hurting your sister's feelings, or having the proper number in the bridal party? To me the numbers are just a small factor, if you can make it work, you do, and if not too bad, it's more important that the right people are included.

 

I'm also not very close with my sister, we are 5 years apart and we fought a lot our whole lives, now we leave 1000 kilometers apart and only see eachother twice a year and even though we have fun sometimes when I'm visiting, we still blow up at eachother sometimes in a really immature way. Regardless, I did not hesistate in asking her to be my bridesmaid. And she told me over and over again how happy she was that I did and how special it made her feel to have that role.

 

Who cares if she doesn't do much of the other work often involved with being a bridesmaid and all she does is walk down the aisle and look good in pictures. Again, she is your sister, she should have the honour of being part of the bridal party.

 

The only reason I would leave her out is if there were very serious issues, like you either don't get along at all / haven't talked in forever, or you are worried about her behaving completely inappropriately.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chiquita View Post
Well in all honesty, I don't think she wanted her b/f to talk to me about it.. he just felt bad for her and wanted to say something on his own. I'm just really surprised she is SO upset about this..
hm this is hard. maybe this is her way of TRYING to become closer to you?? your past is your past and maybe she is realizing how important this is and she wants to be more involved...and that could ultimatley make you closer. this is hard though, sorry your having to deal with this :o( ( i am going to finish reading this thread, i didnt read entire thing..)

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I'm done reading the thread and i still feel the same. i dont know you guys or if anything in particular happened in the past and thats why u arent close but hey, you only live once and in most cases family will always be there. i think you're idea is the best- take her to lunch and see how she feels. this could be the opening of a whole new relationship with you two ;o) keep us posted!

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Thanks for all your input ladies. I think the best thing to do right now is just sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her about all the wedding planning and see what she says/thinks about it all. :) I think it's great that I'm getting both sides on here.. makes me think about things!

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Well.. my sister and I went shopping last weekend so I brought up the whole BM issue.

 

I told her I was sorry she was upset about the whole thing, but just because she's not a BM doesn't mean she's not an important part of the day. And she didn't really have any interest in reading a poem or anything like that, she thought it was like a "consolation prize" for not being a BM. She said it's okay.. she's just more traditional than I am I guess about these things.

 

Ultimately I think I made the right decision in not asking her. I don't think she's that interested in helping out with anything wedding related.. she just wanted to be a BM because that's what traditionally happens. A DW is not traditional and neither am I and she realizes that.

 

And just recently FI's best man backed out because his wife is preggers, so he may not have anyone stand up for him. We are waiting to see if another good friend of his books that he wants to ask.. if not, I may make my BM's honorary BM's and not have them walk down the aisle/sand. I know FI is pretty bummed his best man won't be going so it might be better just to have us 2 up there..

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