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HELP..might be down a MOH( sorry,its long!)

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#1 melwru

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    Posted 05 April 2008 - 01:06 PM

    Hi everyone,
    I am getting married at ROR Jan.15, 2009. So my wedding Day is still quite a few months away, but I am stressed! I am soliciting advice from all of you because you are ALWAYS so understanding, brilliant, and supportive!
    Here is my issue:

    I have 2 attendants standing up for me, as does my FI. My twin sis is my MOH and my best friend is my BM. MY twin sis has had some issues with their homebuilders and are suing them becuase of it. She and her husband have not put their deposits down towards our DW because of these issues. She informs me that if their issues go to court that they may not be able to come to Jamaica now! So they dont want to put any money down because it is non-refundable and if they cant come, they will lose it. She cant say yes or no towards coming and at this point she cant tell me even when she will be able to give me an answer. So what do I do? Of all the couples and friends coming, I'm not really THAT close with any of the girls. Not close enough to ask them to stand up for me as a BM (as I would have to "promote" my current BM to MOH if my sis cant come) How tacky is that?. I have my sis listed as my MOH on my website, on everything. what do I do? I hate to feel like I'm harrassing my sis for an answer, I just need to know ASAP and she cant give me one. Who am I going to get to stand up for me? I cant only have 1 attendant and my FI have two! I feel like an ass having to ask somebody else(this late in the game, the website has been up for months already and EVERYONE knows who the current attendants are suppose to be!) I'm stuck. I dont want anyone to think they are "plan B", which obviously, they WOULD be. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? My FI asks me almost everyday, "So did your sister make up her mind yet?" or, " You are going to look really silly if you have to ask somebody else"! So he isnt being quite as sensitive about this issue, as I would like him to be! HELP!

    #2 Kat81

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      Posted 05 April 2008 - 01:09 PM

      If it goes to court they can always change the dates... what day are you gettingmarried? A saturday? Sunday? Court won't happen on those days! Why can't she fly in on a Friday and out on a sunday or monday? She wont miss the court date that way!

      #3 melwru

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        Posted 05 April 2008 - 01:12 PM

        Getting married on a Thurs. The flights from where we are leaving from in Canada are once a week. I asked about changing court dates, and she doesnt think they would be able too( not sure why or even how it works)

        #4 Kat81

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          Posted 05 April 2008 - 01:20 PM

          That sucks. The good thing is you have lots of time to wait. Give her a few more months to find something out. Maybe she can rush the process or ask for a court date not in that time period? Other than that there is nothing much to do. AND just for the record you won't look silly asking someone else to stand up there. I am sure everyone would understand completely and be honored to stand up there with you.

          #5 Bride010101

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            Posted 05 April 2008 - 01:25 PM

            I am sorry that you have deal w/ this stress!

            But I agree w/ Kathi... if things don't work out and she can't come... you won't look silly asking someone else to stand up with you. Things happen and w/ a DW especially not everyone can come as planned. I imagine your current BM would be honored to promoted to MoH! And if you really don't feel close enough to any of the other girls coming, I would say just have a MoH. Theres nothing saying you need to have 2 people stand next to you! IMHO I wouldn't ask someone to just to fill the spot. But I do hope your sister is able to get things figured out!

            #6 Hartyt509

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              Posted 05 April 2008 - 01:25 PM

              You can change a Court date, well you can in the UK!, you just make an application to the Court explain why and then the Judge makes a decision, its no prejudice to the Defendant to change it they should do it. It could settle before then anyway.

              How about not picking a MOH and just have the usual BM that way its open if your sis can come and u aren't upgrading someone if you know what i mean lol

              #7 MrsV-to-be

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                Posted 05 April 2008 - 02:48 PM

                You can definitly have a court date changed in Canada. Besides her court date isn't even set yet, so they wouldn't even being changing it - they would just request to have it set when they are not out of the country.
                Besides, 90% of all cases settle - there is a good chance there isn't even going to be a court date.
                I'm sure your sister could talk to her lawyer about this and he would assure it is fine to book a trip for her sis's wedding

                however, if she can't come, I also agree it would be tacky to ask someone to step in.
                I honestly don't see a problem with having an uneven wedding party. My girlfriend had a very uneven wedding party and it was fine! it just means that your BM has 2 groomsmen to walk off with :)

                #8 Celina

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                  Posted 05 April 2008 - 03:02 PM

                  I just went through this same situation...almost.

                  I would tell your fiance that you are going to give her a time to know by. (that way he can get off your back) Say by July 1st. If she still has all of this going on then you should talk to her and see where she is on it all. If she still can't commit by then, then just tell her that because it isn't fair to you or anyone else that you may need to fill in - that you will need to ask someone else or have current BM be your MOH. I think it can be worked out with her.

                  I would discuss the situation with your current BM and tell her that this MAY happen. Do you have someone else in mind that you could ask to be a BM?

                  If so, sort of mention the situation to them and let them know your dilema. If they are any kind of friend to you, they will understand. AND - in the event that they are in the wedding, I think it would be a nice gesture to help them out with their dress if you can add it to your budget.

                  Good luck!
                  "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

                  #9 jamisoncollette

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                    Posted 05 April 2008 - 03:07 PM

                    I've changed court dates plenty of times, her lawyer can simply petition for a change.
                    As far as the uneven numbers, my FI has three attendants and I have one. I'm not worried about how it will look. i happen to have one close friend and didn't feel right asking others to make it look even.
                    I'm sorry your sister can't commit right now. That really does suck. Does she know the date can be changed for court? She's under alot of stress with the builders it sounds. maybe if she knew, she could concentrate on the important aspects of life, like your wedding :)

                    #10 Pisces

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                      Posted 05 April 2008 - 08:20 PM

                      Ok, first, take a deep breath! I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure the idea of her not being there is the most upsetting part.

                      I can relate, because my sister and best friend won't be at my wedding either. I had asked my best friend to be my MOH and she agreed before talking to her FI, even though I told her not to, because I knew their wedding & honeymoon was a huge expense to her this year.

                      Here's what I would suggest.
                      First, think about why you feel she would need to be "replaced". I have kept my MOH as my MOH, even though she won't actually be at the wedding. The point of having one IMO is to honour someone who means the world to you. She is helping me with everything, throwing my shower & stagette, and acting as my support. I agree that it might seem a little strange to "promote" someone and change your MOH at this point.
                      Why exactly do you need an answer from her ASAP? Is it just because you feel stressed about it, or is there actually a real reason you need to know?

                      I also think there really is nothing wrong with having uneven attendants, and with DW's I think we have to be a little more flexible. Are you having any children? You could always opt to wait for your sister, and then if you had someone who could stand in as a junior bridesmaid/flower girl you could ask them after your sister had made her decision. I don't think anyone would feel second best at that point.

                      I totally sympathize with your feelings though. It crushed me when I found out my sister and best friend wouldn't be there. We opted to not have a bridal party at all as a result.
                      Colin in I in 2005 when we fell in love with Maui!

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