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ErinB

Confessions

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I agree with Bachatabride and I can understand why a couple wouldn't want children even though we plan on have several. I think people should be able to respect your decision.

 

 

Confession : I am friendless. I am very shy around people and have social anxiety so it makes trying to make friends very hard. I had a couple friends that I had for 17 years but I had a falling out with one, then with another. It has been this way most of my life sad.gif but I am beyond thankful to have my FI! He is definitely my world.

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Originally Posted by cougs View Post
well, *i* decided it a long, LONG time ago, then T came along and changed my mind on the subject, but now he and i agree that it's just not feasible or responsible to have a kid that he will never be around for, between school and work (both full time). and he's got at least 5 years of that ahead of him, after which i will already be 43. i was kinda blown away when he said it because i never expected it to come from him, but i have to admit it's sensible. i have no desire to be essentially a "single mom," especially since i'm not the one who really dreamt of kids in the first place.

so i guess i can make this fit the confession thread by saying i am just afraid that later, he will be full of regret and resent having married someone so much older than himself. we have discussed potentially adopting later, though.
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Originally Posted by miss_delerium View Post
My FI and I aren't having kids either. And I confess I hate it when people look at me like I have two heads when I tell them that.
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Originally Posted by wendyjd View Post
Cougs and Miss Delerium, totally understand the feelings. I'm 37 and am childless and THRILLED with it. Had recurrent cervical cancer and at 32 was told to have one if I wanted one bc every procedure would make it harder and the "cure" was a hysterectomy. I was all for surgery but my now ex-husband tried to convince me to have a child. So fast forward 5 years, I'm cancer free, much happier and about to marry my best friend. My FH is thrilled with the concept of a lifetime together without the restrictions kids provide.

I understand that we may be the minority but more and more couples are choosing this... just read an article on MSN about the growing numbers of "childless by choice" couples.

I didn't mean to go on a vent but I totally agree with you.
We are also "childless by choice" and it stuns me that people are so bold about telling us why we HAVE to have children, how it will add to our lives...we have a FANTASTIC life without children and we want to keep it that way. I have no biological clock ticking....and one of the things that DH and I loved about each other was that neither of us wanted kids - a very hard thing to find when you're dating in your late 30s.

I was not meant to be a mother. This is something I know. I will not conform to society's idea of how a family should be. Only my cats consider me "mommy" and I'm ok with that!

And Wendy, Congratulations on being cancer free, which is the best thing ever, and how could you not want to celebrate every day of life when you know how precious it is, and celebrate it the way you want, with whom you want.

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Originally Posted by hat0112 View Post
Confession : I am friendless. I am very shy around people and have social anxiety so it makes trying to make friends very hard. I had a couple friends that I had for 17 years but I had a falling out with one, then with another. It has been this way most of my life sad.gif but I am beyond thankful to have my FI! He is definitely my world.
I totally understand this!! I am beyond shy too. Last December FI & I went to Mexico with his family (11 people) and I was having panic attacks before we left just thinking about being with them all for an entire week. I only have one "girlfriend" who I've been friends with since we were born.

So to fit into the confession thread: I confess I'm slightly embarrased that I only have one girlfriend, and as such, only have one "bridesmaid/MOH" in my wedding party.

Also: hugs to all the "childless by choice" ladies. grouphug.gif You have no idea how comforting it is to know there are other couples like us!

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I confess that I do want kids.. and we have actually been talking about having them soon enough (maybe the next year or 2) but I know I am not ready. I think about how I wont be able to take a long shower, or go wherever I want.. when I want, or how things will change with K and I after the focus changes to the baby.... EKKKK that sounds selfish

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FI and I are also childless by choice and many of our friends are contemplating the same thing, or they're only have 1 child. FI and I have decided we want our life to be about travelling and exploring the world!

 

My confession...I work with kids everyday and hate their crazy parents...I don't want to be one of them! I want life to be about me and FI, doing the things that we love, having Sunday afternoon naps and not being responsible for another being! I have nieces and nephews to get my 'kid' fix...one afternoon with them is enough! LOL!

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Originally Posted by miss_delerium View Post
I totally understand this!! I am beyond shy too. Last December FI & I went to Mexico with his family (11 people) and I was having panic attacks before we left just thinking about being with them all for an entire week. I only have one "girlfriend" who I've been friends with since we were born.

So to fit into the confession thread: I confess I'm slightly embarrased that I only have one girlfriend, and as such, only have one "bridesmaid/MOH" in my wedding party.

Also: hugs to all the "childless by choice" ladies. grouphug.gif You have no idea how comforting it is to know there are other couples like us!

Itâ€s good to know I am not alone! I had friends when I was young but we moved when I was in elementary school. And then I had friends from the new school to 8th grade then my parents sent me to a private school and all my friends went to public. It seemed circumstances were against me. Itâ€s good to know I am not alone. I had my one friend of 17 years but she kind of went off in her own world and we ended up going our separate ways. If we didnâ€t (which only happened last year) she would have been my MOH.


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Originally Posted by **Kat** View Post
I confess that I do want kids.. and we have actually been talking about having them soon enough (maybe the next year or 2) but I know I am not ready. I think about how I wont be able to take a long shower, or go wherever I want.. when I want, or how things will change with K and I after the focus changes to the baby.... EKKKK that sounds selfish

I donâ€t think that is selfish at all. I actually just started to have those feelings when I went to a family friendly beach for the weekend with my FI a few weekends ago. I saw all the families there and even though I really want kids, I just kept thinking how it must be so much more difficult going places and doing things when you have kids.

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i confess that i do want kids, but not at all costs like FI...there is a chance that he might not be able to have kids so we are going to a specialist after the wedding. we got into a "discussion" last night because he says he would try IVF and all that, which is fine with me BUT we got on the topic of adoption and this is something i'm just not willing to do.

 

i might sound horrible, but i feel like you would put all of your emotional and financial effort into a child only to have them want to find things out about their biological parents. i would completely understand why the child would want to know about them, but i feel like why should i have to share my child with someone else?? i've known several adopted children (now adults) and they say that they would never replace their parents, but they still wanted some type of communication with their biological family, this would really bother me.

 

it scares me that FI and I completely disagree in this area...although i want kids, i would be absolutely fine with it just being the two of us; but i'm starting to wonder if he feels the same way...

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Originally Posted by BachataBride View Post
My confession: I only have 2 girlfriends in the area (long story short I moved recently) & neither one of them want children...so I'm afraid of being friendless when I have a kid because I won't really have that in common with them sad.gif
In my city there are things called "Playgroups". Someone is in charge and rents the local community center or a nearby hall. It's for all ages (babies who can't even sit yet, usually up to 4 year olds). You sing songs, do crafts, and have the kids socialize with other kids.

I'm actually excited to have a baby just so I can go to one of these and meet new friends.

You must have something like that in your area? No?

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Originally Posted by BachataBride View Post
I REALLY want kids! And honestly, cannot imagine NOT having one! But I totally understand a couples choice not to have kids...it's a HUGE commitment & responsibility & it definitely restricts your life enormously!

My confession: I only have 2 girlfriends in the area (long story short I moved recently) & neither one of them want children...so I'm afraid of being friendless when I have a kid because I won't really have that in common with them sad.gif
Oh I wouldn't worry about that at all! My BF is the only of of our group of friends, LARGE group that even has kids... she got pregnant on the young side and she's made so many other random friends from daycare etc. that she hangs out with so don't even worry about now having friends with kids, you'll find soome

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