StephanieMN

Thanks to you all. My sister and I just did the check and it was long, he has been in and out of jail since 1992 and then the record trails of (too old or something) Our younger sisters is all sunshine and angels about the whole thing so it is just me and my older sister. I did email her asking her to reconsider the date and let Chris and I have our date and then we can all spend time helping her get set. This will give her time to think about it. I would have preferred to talk to her but she works odd hours. I will let you know what she says.

Quote: Originally Posted by jean-marcus holy crapola....i wouldnt even know where to start with that one. is she just really lonely or is he just that persuasive and manipulative? im all for second chances but doesnt sound like a super great position she is putting herslef in. then again i dont konw him so not sure waht to say. maybe he is a changed man.... You can put a big fat check mark next to "lonely" That is the hard thing- no one really knows him. UUGH! Parents!

Have a great time!! Eagerly awaiting photos....

I have been trying to figure out who I can get to talk to my mother but she has pushed so many people away. No one (other than my sisters, chris and my BIL) has meet the guy. I wasn't even all that sure, a few days ago, if I wanted him at our wedding! We all know this situation needs to be handled with kid gloves.

You girls are really wonderful! My mom has no money but the reason he got upset with her before was because she wouldn't give her any $$. I don't know too much about why they want to get married so quickly and I am hoping my older sister talked to her and got more information than I did. I am the more "sensitive" of the two of us so she is more likely to think with her brain and ask more questions. I think we all need to sit down with her and find out why there is a hurried feel about it. Claire-thanks a million for your kind words. Chris and I have a very healthy relationship and are going slow to build a foundation. It appears as if my mother is buliding a house of hay ( the 3 little pigs)

Wow you guys are on top of this--I am thinking I answered you all then I see something more. Angela, He was put in for selling Cocaine (something like that) and was on probation and was put back in for hitting is GF. If I understand correctly he was in a work house. I initally congratulated her and told her I wasn't sure how to respond that I was kind of shocked.

Quote: Originally Posted by JamaicaBride062108 OMG Stephanie! I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would do in a similar situation. I think you are right to investigate this man, including his arrest record and trial transcripts-both of which are public information. How did your mother "meet" this guy in the first place? Has she dated since your father passed? Do you think she is lonely or desparate, especially now that you are getting married? I would probably voice my concerns to mom, telling her first and foremost you love and care for her and want her to be safe and happy. Then you should ask her to respectfully wait until after your wedding to get married. Tell her she should have a special day to. If this guy can't/won't wait there is obviously something wrong. If marriage is supposed to be forever what difference will six months make? Hopefully she will buy herself some time and really think this through. I know that people can change but I'm with you...There are too many red flags! My parents got divorced when I was 12 so they had been apart when he died. She has dated some but nothing serious. I think she has found love and is desperate to keep it, even if it is fleeting or whatever it may be. My mom is a firm believer in the "Silent Treatment" it is amazing that 2 of her 3 daughters have sucessful relationships considering she always shuts down when conflict arises. I am saying this because there really isn't an easy way to get my concern across. She might even just not invite me to her wedding so I am not "inconvienced " by it. I do agree that something needs to be said about many things but I have to gauge that timing correctly.

No one has extra keys to anything. If he is indeed a changed man I would like him to prove it on someone else--not my mom. He was accused of hitting his girlfriend. can't spell today-forgive me

Quote: Originally Posted by Christa WHAT?? OK that story is insane, that only happens on TV. Why & how would your mom even begin to get into corresponding with an inmate?? This is very scary. I'm really sorry. Yes, it is nuts and I really wish I could say I was lying. I am not this creative. I am curious to see how Chris responds to this whole thing. Actually she worked with a lady who was writing to an inmate and initially she made fun of her for doing it! HA! Then she went and starting writing to a friend of the inmate her friend was talking to ..does that make sense?

Well my sister and I had talked about doing a full criminal background search on him around Christmas time but she wanted to wait. Needless to say she will be here in about an hour so we will be paying to get a FULL history on him. I really wish I could say he was an @sshole but he has been nice so far, who the hell knows what he could turn out to be once they get married....my head is swimming. My father passed away when I was 17 and the thought of having a step-dad isn't jiving right now, and not this close to our wedding.

I am not really all that sure where to begin with my story or how much to share so here goes--- My mother was a pen pal to a man who was in jail and my sisters and I tried to get her to stop doing that, she was giving him personal information about us and he knew where we all lived. This made us all very anxious ( he was in for domestic/drug issues) and we let her know. She actually wouldn't talk to me for a week. I have always been careful when I speak to her about the situation and never told her " this is what you should do" she is an adult as well as my mother so I treat her that way. Over the course of about a year (or so) she had gone to visit him, gotten several hateful calls and letters from him and she cut all ties. Well about 6 months ago she had started talking to him again and over Christmas she drove out to get him (about 8 hours each way) in WI. She made several very, very scary choices and my sisters and I were very concerned. She let him move in with her and rented a car for him. My mother is a professional, normally intelligent woman so we are all concerned at this point. I got a call from her about a half hour ago and she let me know they are now engaged! She said that they will be getting married BEFORE Chris and I ( see my freaking ticker----3 months and 2 weeks!!). I went between wanted to throw up and wanting to cry( crying won out). I am in shock. My very first concern is her safety as well as happiness. She has really only know him for a few months (outside of jail) and the fact that she is going to have a small ceremony and probably not even invite her family (aunts,uncles and my grandparents) is another huge red flag. To top it all off she wants to get married with in the next few months. I called my sister ( who didnt' know yet) and she was more angry about her planning on getting married before us. She said it is rude and childish to try and trump our wedding. Sorry but this just happened and I am still shaking.... Please be kind to me if you think I am in the wrong--I can't handle anything much more right now.

silly rabbit double posts are for kids.

Ann--exactly!! The more info in the title the better--let me know if I should invest my time in the thread or skip it if I can't help/learn at all.

Here is what ended up happening to me when we had a similiar situation. I ended up scheduling the time very last minute and actually went by myself. Not sure this would work for you but you could just let her know you are planning on going when the mood strikes and would rather not make an appointment time with her for fear of having to cancel. You could also just say that you really value her opinion but would rather just head down this road on your own. Good luck!

They are big but if you have a small amount of guests you could easily throw a bigger beach towel in there and not have to spend too much money on them. I have seen them as low as $5 at Target. Good deal!

There is another post about this http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t13283 enjoy!

Congrat!! I l ove you dress and hair...well I just love it all!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just want to throw my two cents in here. I have noticed that a lot of brides/grooms/groupies poorly label their new threads with some very, sometime, random title. I am sure I have done it before but am a work in progress The reason I think this can be an issue is that if you are just searching the title of a thread you are not going to be able to find the information you are looking for. So let say I title something "HELP ME" Then I proceed to chat about flowers and butterflies and puppies. Well how is the topic title going to help you figure out what I need help with and you may not find it when you are looking for answers on flowers, butterflies, or puppies. I am not sure if I am making any sense or if I could have just said..Title your posts with something that actually assists the viewer in knowing what it is about. My hope is that it will cut down on double topics. **Steps down from box and turns back on group of confused people tossing shoes at her head**

Do you mean put it on this post?

I suppose since it is a newer idea they are going to try to charge as much as they can. Seems like a big expense but it sure is a great idea.

The Tyra Banks Show yikes!! Yeah I couldn't read it either. Read the link above and see if you get pissed...

those look great. Is that a plastic clip?

OMG! I wish I was really surprised but I am not. That is so gross and I really hope someone sues, I didn't read the whole story so I am not sure if someone is. Some of those women are going to have scars on their feet.

Happy wedding to you!

Will it be someplace warm?! Hope so!