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kkeckler

Dw But No Reception?

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I know, I have read all the etiquette...however I need some advice that is helpful.

 

My fiance and I are not able to afford both a wedding and reception (whether we got married at home or elsewhere).  Both our parents gave us some money, but not enough for both.  We decided to go to Myrtle Beach for a DW and our honeymoon (both our families go there every year).  Our wedding is on the beach at 5:30 and will be short and sweet.  We originally planned on not inviting anyone but our parents, but then other family kept stating that maybe they would come, that they could make it a vacation, so we have decided we would invite family only.  Everyone we have told we have stated that there isnt a reception.

 

That being said, we still cant afford a reception afterwards.  My fiance and I had planned just heading to dinner that night.  We wouldnt mind inviting those who actually come to the wedding however we do not have the financial means to pay for everyone who may come.  I dont want to sound uingrateful to those who come down for the wedding, I am grateful!  But how do I let people know there isnt a reception, but if they would like to go to dinner (non hosted) they are more than welcome.

 

Please, I dont need the comments that I am a horrible person for even thinking to not pay for everyone food...

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I know, I have read all the etiquette...however I need some advice that is helpful.

 

My fiance and I are not able to afford both a wedding and reception (whether we got married at home or elsewhere). Both our parents gave us some money, but not enough for both. We decided to go to Myrtle Beach for a DW and our honeymoon (both our families go there every year). Our wedding is on the beach at 5:30 and will be short and sweet. We originally planned on not inviting anyone but our parents, but then other family kept stating that maybe they would come, that they could make it a vacation, so we have decided we would invite family only. Everyone we have told we have stated that there isnt a reception.

 

That being said, we still cant afford a reception afterwards. My fiance and I had planned just heading to dinner that night. We wouldnt mind inviting those who actually come to the wedding however we do not have the financial means to pay for everyone who may come. I dont want to sound uingrateful to those who come down for the wedding, I am grateful! But how do I let people know there isnt a reception, but if they would like to go to dinner (non hosted) they are more than welcome.

 

Please, I dont need the comments that I am a horrible person for even thinking to not pay for everyone food...

 

First off- no one here is likely to jump down your throat or flame you for your post.,. BDW is a forum a bit different than many others out there and for the vast majority- is without snark and a really about supporting one another!

 

As for your specific situation, I'm sure if you let people know ahead of time it won't be an issue. Perhaps a champagne toast immediately following your ceremony? Or some small way to thank those people who are making their holiday plans around your wedding so they can be there to celebrate with you?

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Thank you!  We could probably do something like that.  I have just read a handful of forums and any time a question like this is asked it gets ugly!  Could I put something on the rsvp for the wedding about a nonhosted dinner afterwards?  Something like "A nonhosted dinner will follow the ceremony at a destination to be determined." (as we need to look at various places down there first.  I was thinking of a wedding favor for all the guests who attended.  I know it isnt the greatest, but it is the best I have!

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It's your day and you should have it the way you want!  You shouldn't feel obligated or pressured to host it. Just let them know up front that you are not hosting the reception and they should understand that.  I'm not sure if you're sending invitations but if so, you can just omit the line that says "reception to follow." You can include a little card that says you're planning to have dinner at a particular restaurant if you know.  Say something like a "cash dinner"  (I don't know the right words.) But if you want to have anything maybe just provide a some cake and punch to celebrate with your family afterwards.

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Do not feel guilty at all by what you can and cannot afford. It is YOUR wedding and YOUR day, and anything you want is acceptable in my opinion. I would verbally tell your family that there is not a reception but anyone who would like to go out to dinner afterwards is more than welcome to come, but the meal will not be provided by the bride and groom. Good luck to you!

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Far from criticizing, I actually commend you for not putting yourself in the poor house! At the end of the day, you'll be married and that is what is important. It sounds like the family you invited truly wants to be there with you, and that is also what is important!

 

I think as long as you pick an affordable place for the dinner - so it isn't much of a financial burden on your guests either - then it is fine to do an "unhosted dinner" and make it optional. If your family goes there regularly for vacation, then they would be buying their own dinner anyway! Being upfront with people so they know what to expect is most important.

 

Maybe do something heartfelt for your guests like a card for each of them with a handwritten note about how important they are to you. Or just a small (cheap or free) touch of appreciation in lieu of paying for their food/drinks. Something special will be remembered.

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I think it's fair to let your guest know on the invitation that this a wedding ceremony sans reception. Something like please join us as we commit to one another, afterwards, we'll have our first meal as husband and wife at _________. If you are able, please join us for a No-Host lunch, it'll make the day even more special.

 

Then, I think if you did a hand written thank you note about how special it is that they are here...and skip the favor. Once you're in a better financial situation you can host a BBQ or brunch at your new home..call it a now that we have some money reception! Good luck! 

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if you are having more than a manageable group of people, I would try to arrange a deal with a local restaurant for a meal package- like 50$ for dinner and drinks. I would then include that in my RSVP saying dinner at X restaurant, optional following ceremony, 50$. That way you can get a head count and they will know how much to pay. I would also skip the favors - no point wasting money on that. 

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You have already indicated that there is no reception AND technically your extended family invited themselves along.

It also sounds like they understand your situation.

The idea of a small champagne toast is nice. And you could always bake cookies as your wedding favour

 

If you someone is doing a house (or similar) vacation rental perhaps you cld make it a pot luck wedding?

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What about doing something cheaper for the reception? Oeuvres only receptions are VERY cheap. You could do a cash bar to keep costs down and no decorations. I'd hate to "rely" on gifts, but if you do throw a small reception you'll most likely receive gifts that will cover the cost. If you only have 20 or so ppl there it would be well less than $500. (You could prob do it for around $20/person).

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