Jump to content

Anyone else not doing invitations for the DW, just the AHR?


Recommended Posts

I have a bit of a unique situation and I am wondering if anyone else has this going on. 

 

We both have large families and multiple groups of friends.  We are having the DW (4/24/14) and a semi formal AHR (6/14/14) to include (225-240 people).  We are not planning to do formal invitiations for the DW.  We are planning to just do a Save the Date for the AHR.  We have the unique situation where we have several groups that we prefer DO NOT attend the DW (cousins, friends that drink a lot, annoying relatives, etc.).  We know that the very immediate family of parents, siblings and spouses, neices and nephews will be attending as well as a few of ours and our parents very "best friends".  These people we are in regular contact with and have just been telling them the information as we receive it from the travel agent, etc.  I expect with this immediate group that we will have approximately 30-50 people at the DW.  My concern is what to do with the AHR.  I have heard many people saying that they showed their wedding video, had a slideshow of photos, etc for the guests that could not attend.  i feel like I can't do that because the guests that didn't attend, (while they may not have anyway), they may not have because they were not technically invited. 

 

Does anyone else have something similar to this? 

I have gone back and forth and also considered inviting all 250 guests to the destination wedding, but really can't take the chance that it could grow to be 150 people traveling to Mexico with me.  :(  I feel like the immediate family, very close friend option is a better choice but I don't know how to handle that with the formal AHR. 

 

Help!  :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

80x80px-LS-7c024990_JanetandDanCropFinal.jpeg 
 
Edit below in Red  :)
 
I have a bit of a unique situation and I am wondering if anyone else has this going on. 

 

We both have large families and multiple groups of friends.  We are having the DW (4/24/14) and a semi formal AHR (6/14/14) to include (225-240 people).  We are not planning to do formal invitiations for the DW.  We are planning to just do a Save the Date and Formal Invitation for the AHR.  We have the unique situation where we have several groups that we prefer DO NOT attend the DW (cousins, friends that drink a lot, annoying relatives, etc.).  We know that the very immediate family of parents, siblings and spouses, neices and nephews will be attending as well as a few of ours and our parents very "best friends".  These people we are in regular contact with and have just been telling them the information as we receive it from the travel agent, etc.  I expect with this immediate group that we will have approximately 30-50 people at the DW.  My concern is what to do with the AHR.  I have heard many people saying that they showed their wedding video, had a slideshow of photos, etc for the guests that could not attend.  i feel like I can't do that because the guests that didn't attend, (while they may not have anyway), they may not have because they were not technically invited. 

 

Does anyone else have something similar to this? 

I have gone back and forth and also considered inviting all 250 guests to the destination wedding, but really can't take the chance that it could grow to be 150 people traveling to Mexico with me.  :(  I feel like the immediate family, very close friend option is a better choice but I don't know how to handle that with the formal AHR. 

 

Help!  :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am doing the same thing as you. Not inviting many people, just close, immediate family and best friends. Then, we are inviting everyone to our AHR.

 

I am going to show the ceremony video and pictures, so that way people can see it. You can't control how people will react or feel. if they feel slighted about not being invited to the wedding, that is on them, and they don't have to come to the AHR.

 

At the end of the day, you have to do what is going to make you and your FI happy. You dont want to look back on your wedding and hate it because 150 people came to the wedding in Mexico and you only wanted 30.

 

Same reason why we cut it all down too. We were going to invite nearly 90 people, and now we are only inviting those really close with us. Everyone else can come celebrate with us at our AHR.

 

The thing we are doing to make it still "feel" like those who are coming to the AHR are a part of it is we are not doing a reception in Mexico. We are just going to have a small, private dinner after the ceremony. No speeches, no first dance, no nothing. All that will be done at the AHR for the first and only time. May not be what you want to do, but just a suggestion?

 

Do I feel a bit bad? Sure.... but my wedding isn't supposed to be a big show, its about my FI and myself, and who we are as a couple. Everyone who comes to either is there to celebrate and show their love for us. If people don't come because of whatever reason, that's not for you to make them feel better. No wedding makes absolutely everyone happy. Only you can do what you have to do to make YOURself happy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Jenny,


Thank you so much for getting back to me.  It sounds like you are doing things exactly like I am.  I also am not having a reception at the DW.  1. It was way to expensive to do both 2.  it just felt right to do it with everyone. 

 

Speeches, 1st dance all of it.  :) 

 

Your message made me feel a lot better.  I was starting to think i was one of the only ones not inviting everyone. 

 

I need to start to get more of the "i can't control or care about what other people think" mentality.  I am having a difficult time with that one.  While I do LOVE how we are doing things, it is in my nature to put others feelings before my own.  I need to get over that really quick through this process.  :) 

 

Now are you sending a Save the Date for your AHR and just saying that you will be getting married in a private ceremony and then sending an invite for the AHR?

 

That is what I was planning to do.  Then just do DW invitations by word of mouth only.  So far this is my plan and its working.  We will see how things go.  Congrats to you!  I hope your planning is going well.  I hope to be in touch more with you over the next year.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Janet,

 

I have issues putting other people first as well.... though my wedding seems to be fairly easy for me. haha. In my regular life, I always put myself last, but inviting the right people to our wedding, and ensuring that right people come versus my nightmare of all our parents friends and none of ours, means I am enforcing MY way LOL.

 

I will be sending out STD's for the AHR because some people already invited people to our wedding, so this is my way of being like "yes...... your invited..... to the reception......because it's a small and intimate ceremony....." And then I will do full on invites closer to the date.

 

I am doing STD and invites to those invited to the wedding as well. STD's going out after this weekend, and then invites going out within a month. Our TA got us an amazing deal that if we don't get people to put a deposit down by the end of August, the prices will go waaayyyy up for next year. I am putting a note in with the STD to expect the invite shortly because of a travel deal.

 

Planning is going MUCH better now that it's been cut down for the actual wedding!

 

We'll keep in touch throughout this process! Good luck to you and your FI as well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 7 months later...

We have smaller families (but big drama in them!) and lots of friends. We are only inviting people to both events, even though we know some will not be able to afford to go to DW. I'd love to be able to do a big bash for AHR but financial constraints are the reason for the DW to begin with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I did invitations to our DW (5-6-14) in St Thomas/St John for the 35 people on our list. I also sent our STDs for our AHR (Cape May, NJ- home) (6-6-14) and plan to send invitations for our AHR as well. Any advice?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since I plan on only having my parents and brother at our DW, I will not be doing invites for them haha. I will do some sort of formal invite for our AHR though, in which extended family alone (aunts/uncles, cousins and their spouses and children, grandparents) will be about 75 people on both of our sides. I do want to invite some close friends too so we'll see how many people actually end up coming!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I originally intended to not do formal invites, but as the planning progresses the AHR seems to be taking on a life of its own! so i believe i'll need some sort of RSVP system for the food at least. originally i was thinking just like a come and go type thing...but i'm not sure that is going to happen!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am doing STD for both although im only sending DW information upon request via email. Formal invitations will go out for the AHR. I am using my website through weddingwire.com for a rsvp system. It is a really good, simple and helpful system and site

 

Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • The two people who matters the most in this situation? You and your partner. It is nice to get an outside opinion but if you have too much of it? It will get messy! I am replying you my response after that has happened to me with my wedding. Although it is quite hard, do not think of the negative opinions. The people who will turn up to your wedding? You will always cherish them even more! That is what has happened with me because my friendship with the people who attended my wedding has improved so much more that I know I can rely on them and they can rely on me. It is disappointing that people will not attend your wedding but it is their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, when they see pictures and videos of your big day they will definitely regret missing out on such event. I am waiting to deal with the aftermath of my wedding from my so called friends, if they say anything they will get an earful! Happy planning, your big day will be worth it! Keep us up to date!
    • Wow, I cannot believe it's been over a year since I last posted! Better keep everyone up to date as everything ended up positive in the end! So, let's start with the situation with W. From my previous post, I have serious consideration removing him from the groomsmen because of the hurtful things he has said to me. Not too after my second post, I asked him once again whether he wants to be part of the groomsmen. The response was around the lines of "I need more solid information". This was before the restriction were lifted. Then he said it was down to finances yet again, even though he said he could have made it but because of what A said, W didn't commit no more. As W was being difficult, I decided to drop him as a groomsmen altogether and replaced him with someone else. Plan B was already in motion and tbh, I wish I did this first to avoid any hassle. Everyone who got invited in plan B all committed themselves to the wedding!  The situation with A is this. I was feeling sad that I was losing this friendship and that spark with him was gone. By the time it was gone, A was "ready" to meet up with me to discuss life and the wedding. When I said I lost spark with him, I really did. I knew that he was ready to meet up with me because it was convenient for him. For example, he wanted to meet up with me because he was driving past my house or was in the area visiting his relative. If he was not doing those things he would not want to meet up with me. Needless to say, every time he kept asking, I just said I was busy. I think deep down something was not right between me and A but he does not want to acknowledge it. I know that W had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because that's what he is like. Around the end of last year, rather than messaging me about the DW he went behind my back and asked my SO. He was scared of asking me because he knows if he asked me, I would literally get angry at him. He's nosey and was happy enough to be part of the groomsmen but he listened to A. W didn't asked once but twice to mg SO. My SO just said that she was busy and should ask me about the wedding, not her. W did messagee but not about the wedding plans. I felt this was a sly move by his part. If anything not having A and W there was a blessing in disguise. I met up with the other 4 groomsmen over one weekend and it turns out it was the most fun we all have had for a while. It was as if we continued from the previous conversations in the past as if nothing has changed. I am so glad and proud of this group of groomsmen and glad the other 2 dropped out. The suit fitting went really well and we hung out again to see whether the suits altered fitted or not.  Unfortunately my SO UK group, 5 out of 6 declined the invite. Only 1 accepted it. The other 5 had reasons ranging from good ones to poorer ones 😅 As long one of them turned up then it was good enough for us. My SO's bridesmaids also were amazing. No problems caused whatsoever and they were really excited that our wedding was abroad too! To make things work out before our DW, myself and SO planned out 2 weekends for both groomsmen and bridesmaids to hang out before the DW. We did this so we would not encounter any awkwardness for the first time in DW. Lo and behold, everyone got to know each other and we really are happy that the wedding party weekend went smoothly. I will keep this ambiguous because I do not want A and his group finding out. I got married to my SO this year. What time and month? I will leave this intentionally blank. The wedding itself was everything we have expected. The wedding planner was amazing. The photographer was also amazing too, so glad we went for him. The sneak peak photos are absolutely great, couldn't imagine that the photos turned out like that. The good itself was okay could be better but could be worse. The first dance went relatively well although my SO managed to cock up s move which only I know hahahaha. The wedding ceremony itself went really quickly. I was a bag of nerves to which one of the groomsmen bought the groomsmen a shot each to calm everyone down. It did calm me down for a little bit but the nerves started again with the speeches. I got emotional throughout the speeches. I was not expecting the tear up with the best man speech at all. My speech was meant for my SO but for some reason everyone in the room also cried as well 😂 The all night dancing and fun was the best bit. When every serious part was done, I was able to stop being nervous! The fun went through the whole night and I can see everyone really enjoyed themselves. It was as if myself and SO correctly guess that lockdown restrictions would end. Everyone was thankful that they managed to take part in the DW because they all have been stranded in the country for 3 years! Do I regret having a DW? Hell no! Although it was a smaller party everything was all under control. Everyone had a great time!  More information about my UK group. Some of them congratulated us which was nice to hear. Those congratulated us, I can keep contact. They knew it was difficult coming to DW. At least they are mature enough to say something about it and they did not get the invite. On the other hand, A and W kept constantly monitoring my account for updates along with my SO. It got to the point that W really FOMO that he I followed our stories/posts. A on the other hand is completely out of order. He was invited to DW but made it really uncomfortable to me that he was not happy with DW. During that week, he went on holiday to Spain. I get that Spain is much more cheaper than my DW but it still is annoying. A also said before that he has a few weddings to attend during our DW month. He has not attended any weddings which makes me think that he has lied to me. A and W has lied to me saying it was costly for them to come to my DW. They have both bought PlayStation 5 and went to many designer outlets. If they are so stumped on money why go and buy things? It just shows that they are not good friends at all. Overall good DW. I do not regret it one bit because I know if I did it in the UK, the experience will be a lot different. The UK definitely not as scenic as my DW! 🤣    
    • Hi ! Myself and partner got engaged 7 months ago and we quite quickly asked our friends who we wanted in our wedding party (e.g bridesmaids, MOH and best men etc) who all agreed. After searching many English venues we have decided that we want to marry abroad, our dream is Mexico. We have been and priced this up today and we are incredibly happy. So we have put this forward to our friends and family who we really want there and now we are facing issues. My MOH and my partners Best man are together with a child, they now will not come unless we change to Spain or Greece. My brother, his wife and nephew can only come in one set week which isn't the time we want to marry and also will not come to Mexico. And both our Grandmother's won't come to Mexico.   What do we do? Do we carry on and go to Mexico with the people who will come or do we change our dreams and go to Spain or Greece?  Thoughts please, I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to marry as I'm fed up of friends and family ruining our ideas and dreams with their opinions. 
    • What purpose does a ring actually have? I think they look nice, but to me, wearing a ring doesn’t mean a damn thing. I’m engaged. I’m in a happy, healthy and strong relationship. And to be fully honest if you are ever in a relationship that you’d be willing to risk because of the price of an engagement ring, your partner could do better.
    • My name is Marshall and I’m getting married in Punta Cana in June I am in search of a rabbi could you please help me
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...