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No Kids -- Need advice!!!

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#1 CaboDate

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    Posted 19 September 2007 - 06:54 PM

    So I need some advice ladies. We are getting married in Cabo at a Villa in Pedregal at the top of a cliff. When my fiance and I picked this location we also realized it would be dangerous and decided to make it an 'adults only' affair. I told my brother, my sister, and all my friends it would be best to leave the kids at home. Everything has gone well.. most are very excited for the weekend away, but we do have a few friends not going because they didn't want to (or couldn't) leave the kids at home with relatives..

    So.. it is now 1 month until the wedding and we are getting reply cards back and this one couple replies 3 would be attending. I barely know the wife, and have met the kid twice. My fiance said he explained to his friend it's an adults only affair.

    Anyone have suggestions on how I should handle this?

    I don't want to make an acception for this couple because that would be incredibly unfair, especially to my relatives - not to mention a couple of my girlfriends who wanted to bring their kids.
    We specifically chose a hotel for our guests with nanny service so if they chose to bring them there are babysitters available. We even included a long note in the invitation about the weekend.. and reiterated no kids.. and again outline the options available.
    I don't know what else to do.. but I will feel awful if they bring their little boy.. and my nieces and nephews are at home.
    Amy & Todd
    Cabo San Lucas
    October 20th, 2007

    #2 1elephant

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      Posted 19 September 2007 - 07:39 PM

      if it was me, i wouldn't beat around the bush - i'd flat out tell them that their kid needs to stay with the sitter during the wedding. period - no exceptions, and that it's for the kid's safety.

      but i'm a b*tch, so you may not want to be so blunt

      #3 diana2008

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        Posted 19 September 2007 - 08:55 PM

        I agree, I think you should tell them right away (or have your fiance call if it's one of his friends). That way they may not have booked their flights yet and can either decide to leave the child at home if they're not comfortable with the babysitter, or reconsider and not come at all. Telling them right away gives them more options.

        I think there have been other threads about this and it can be a sensitive topic - people feel strongly both ways - but IMO you've got to stick with what YOU want. Plus in your case you have an actual safety concern. We are having a "no kids" policy too except for my nephew who is ringbearer, and most people are leaving their kids at home with grandma or something. Some parents might not feel comfortable leaving their kids alone with a stranger in another country, so we've just told people in a nice way that we completely understand if it's a concern of theirs and they aren't able to attend.

        It is amazing, though, how many people don't read the invitation and see that it's addressed to just "Mr & Mrs", not "and family".
        Diana & Robert
        July 5, 2008
        Cabo Surf Hotel

        #4 RaydensMama

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          Posted 19 September 2007 - 08:59 PM

          I know there is another thread like this floating around somewhere, but if you stated on the invite NO KIDS then you better contact this couple ASAP and let them know. Dont beat around the bush.

          #5 Jessica

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            Posted 19 September 2007 - 09:13 PM

            ditto what every else said about calling them up and letting them know asap.

            be sure they know you made this adults only because it's not safe for children, and let them know about the babysitting service on the resort.

            perhaps it was just a mistake they put three? i mean, maybe they are bringing their child, but using the babysitter service and just marked three out of habit?!

            #6 NABUMBAH

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              Posted 19 September 2007 - 11:14 PM

              I would call and let them know that the location is not safe for children, but you would be happy to help them find local babysitting services.

              I'll be totally honest here though. I think it's pretty crappy to not allow people to bring children to your wedding/have a no children policy. I get it. it's your wedding. And when I was going to get married at home, I was going to have the same no children policy. But if people are paying a great deal of money to attend your wedding out of the country, I feel like it's their decision, not yours to make as to whether or not they bring their kids. They may choose to not bring them so as to make it fun/romantic vacation. Likewise, they may feel strongly that since this is the one big trip that they get to take they want their children on the vacation. I just think making it entirely adults only is a little over the top.

              #7 PlayaNovia

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                Posted 20 September 2007 - 01:02 AM

                Bottom line: YOUR day YOUR way. Call them and tell them (politely, of course) that the venue CANNOT accommodate children, that you would be happy to look into babysitting services at the hotel for them, but unfortunately, the wedding & reception is adult only.

                We are facing a simliar dilemma. Our wedding is entirely "adult only". So far, everyone with the exception of 2 or 3 families is totally on-board. They cannot wait to have a mini-break away from the kids and have an adult party weekend! :) BUT: we did get 2 very nasty comments from people we consider to be close friends. SO: we told them in no uncertain terms are children under 18 attending the wedding. They need to find a sitter or leave them at home.

                I don't think this is "crappy" at all. Just because other people have kids is not my problem. It doesn't mean I have to pull my hair out and accommodate their rug rats and make sure they have treats, a meal to eat and activities to keep them busy during me and my fiance's most important day of our lives.

                Hold your ground...and good luck.
                Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
                --Robert Frost

                #8 NABUMBAH

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                  Posted 20 September 2007 - 01:36 AM

                  Originally Posted by PlayaNovia

                  I don't think this is "crappy" at all. Just because other people have kids is not my problem. It doesn't mean I have to pull my hair out and accommodate their rug rats and make sure they have treats, a meal to eat and activities to keep them busy during me and my fiance's most important day of our lives.

                  wow, seriously? No one said that you had to make special accommodations, but the fact of the matter is that unless you are shelling out the cash for each of your guests' travel I think that you're entirely out of line. If your guests choose to (or choose not to) bring their kids, that's absolutely their choice, just as it's their choice to attend your wedding. This debate seems all to similar to the "should I pay for my off-property guests" debate.

                  The bottom line is this. When you decide to have a DW it's no longer your DAY. It's someone else's vacation time, money, and effort that they've extended toward being with you. In my NOT SO HUMBLE opinion, it's just in bad taste and awfully presumptuous to tell your guests with children that they can't choose to enjoy the vacation in whatever way that suits their family best. That's not to say that you can't have adults' only events, but to ask them to not bring children at all is just too much.

                  And for the record, I am child free, and have no interest in having kids at this time. As I mentioned, when my husband and I were going to get married locally, we fully intended to have an adult reception. The last thing that I wanted was a bunch of kids running around, monopolizing the dance floor, and their parents' attention. When we moved our wedding to Mexico, we realized that was no longer a reasonable request.

                  The kids that were around for our wedding were not at all obnoxious, and their parents understood and took necessary action to make sure that they [the parents] could enjoy the party without having to worry. In our case, they hired babysitters and sent the kids upstairs during the reception. I didn't even mention this ahead of time simply because I knew that I would enjoy the party the same, with or without kids. And 6 months out, I am so glad that I didn't stress out over this because with the perspective of time I realize how totally inconsequential it was.

                  For the record the whole "It's my Day" argument doesn't sit well with me either. It's not your day. It's a day for you, for your fiance, for your relationship, your parents, siblings, your extended family, friends, and perhaps most importantly, depending on your belief, for G-D.

                  good luck to you.

                  #9 starchild



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                    Posted 20 September 2007 - 02:53 AM

                    There were kids at our wedding (which was not in a dangerous location) and all went well for us. Whatever you decide and whatever your guests think of your choices, all they have to do is come if it works for them and not come if it doesn't. Enjoy your wedding.

                    It is about you two, your friends, families, spiritualities, etc. for sure, but if people complain or suggest that since they are travelling just to see you that you should have your wedding their way, they may not be the type of guests you want present on such a positive day anyway. The people that truly support your love won't take offense at the way you choose to celebrate it.

                    #10 Copita

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                      Posted 20 September 2007 - 08:21 AM

                      Tell them right away that it is an Adults Only wedding.

                      Do you think maybe they invited other adult friends? If it is their children, then you've got to tell them again.

                      I agree with you about it being unfair to the others if they are the exception.
                      My girlfriend got married and requested no children at her wedding and everything went lovely.

                      Good luck!

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