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Help!! I don't know what to do!


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#1 JayKay

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Posted 04 January 2011 - 09:56 PM

So my FI and I are planning our dream destination wedding.  The first thing we did was sit down and decide on a guest list.  We wanted to only have immediate family and a few close friends for a few reasons, to keep cost down, and because we both have huge families.  The problem is now my FMIL has started informally inviting all of her friends telling them they can come, even after we have both expressed that we have chosen our guest list.  How do we go about 'uninviting' these people??  And a few had said well if we show up there is nothing you can do about it?! (like seriously, I would never do that) and how do you deal with these people.  I'm starting to get extremely frustrated!!!  Please help!



#2 roo66

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    Posted 05 January 2011 - 12:53 AM

    ok what you need to do is get the woman to one side and tell her how it works.It may be she dosent understand that youve got to pay for a private function at $55 ? a head then on top of that theres the chair covers and bows the cocktail hour buffet the favours the ott bags the larger cake blah blah.

    I think people loose sight of the extras and get it into there head its all included.Thats without going into that you wanted intimate.

    It is an easy assumtation to make, there are some girls who book and then realise theres more to pay.Of course you dont have to do the private function but it does mean you will be eating with everyone else.

    Of course she could then say well why dont you do it at home then cos it would be cheaper

    HELLO its then time to tell her its yours and her sons day and its not happening

    Hope that helps for the guests that are inviting themselves uninvite them via MIL xxx

     

     

     

     

     



    #3 Clean122

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      Posted 05 January 2011 - 01:03 AM

      This happened only with my own mother!! I ended up having to redo our invite list and just told people it was immediate friends and family and that our wedding package only accomidated for so many people. My mom learned not to invite people after I had a bit of a sit down with her :o

       

      We finally came to an amount that we invited from both sides in the end that worked for everone.

       

      Good luck!



      #4 clgriffi7

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        Posted 05 January 2011 - 04:43 AM

        You need to have a serious talk with your FMIL.  You could go the route of telling her that she will have to pay for the per head cost of each of the friends she invites, but that would ruin the intimate feel of the wedding to have HER friends their.  Personally, I would tell her that those individuals are not on the guest list and are welcome to join her on her vacation, but that there will not be seats for them at either the ceremony or the reception and they will not be included in any other events for the invited guests (like a welcome cocktail hour/dinner, or excursion).  This is her mess to clean up....

         

        Originally Posted by JayKay 

        So my FI and I are planning our dream destination wedding.  The first thing we did was sit down and decide on a guest list.  We wanted to only have immediate family and a few close friends for a few reasons, to keep cost down, and because we both have huge families.  The problem is now my FMIL has started informally inviting all of her friends telling them they can come, even after we have both expressed that we have chosen our guest list.  How do we go about 'uninviting' these people??  And a few had said well if we show up there is nothing you can do about it?! (like seriously, I would never do that) and how do you deal with these people.  I'm starting to get extremely frustrated!!!  Please help!





        #5 clgriffi7

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          Posted 05 January 2011 - 04:44 AM

          Oh - and in my situation I would make my fiance be the one to deal with his mother.  I would deal with it if it were my mother, but he would have to deal with it if it were his mother.  A mother will always love her son, so better her be momentarily upset with him than hold a grudge against you.



          #6 islandbride8

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            Posted 05 January 2011 - 05:23 AM

            I completely agree

             

            Originally Posted by clgriffi7 

            Oh - and in my situation I would make my fiance be the one to deal with his mother.  I would deal with it if it were my mother, but he would have to deal with it if it were his mother.  A mother will always love her son, so better her be momentarily upset with him than hold a grudge against you.





            #7 JayKay

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            Posted 05 January 2011 - 06:40 AM

            Thanks for all the advice.  My FMIL only has two sons, and the other was married in Mexico about two years ago.  There wedding was only immediate family and close friends as well and ever since that wedding she feels that she should be able to invite who ever she wants to be there.  We have tried to explain to her the cost of everything (they are only giving us 2000 to begin with for the wedding) and she doesn't seem to understand.  I think im going to have to get my FI to sit down with her and tell her that it's only immediate family and our close friends, not hers!  If she wants to go on vacation with them , well then plan another time!



            #8 MDLady

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              Posted 07 January 2011 - 07:50 AM

              I completely agree that your fiance should be the one dealing with this.  It's his Mom hence his responsibility.  It's YOUR wedding, not his Mom's and I understand wanting to invite people but when you guys explicitly tell her that you have a limited list, then she should respect that.  If not, your fiance should be the one to get through to her.  Otherwise you will be the bad guy and she will think that you do not care about her and her feelings.  I wouldn't dream of inviting people to a wedding w/o asking for permission first.



              #9 Little Princess

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                Posted 07 January 2011 - 10:45 AM

                Destination Wedding aside, when is that EVER ok to do?! I'd absolutely FREAK at my family if they started inviting THEIR people to MY wedding! My sister will be allowed her boyfriend, but not any of her friends (though I like her friends, they're not MY friends), my parents will have to make do with having family there, and everyone else may only have their significant other not a friend as their "plus one". I agree definitely have your fiance deal with her, not you. You could have him politely explain that they're welcome at the resort, but only the people on YOUR guest list will be taking part in the ceremony, as you simply don't have the budget to include others. If you did...you would have a bigger guest list!

                 

                Good luck with this!



                #10 LMango

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                  Posted 07 January 2011 - 10:48 AM

                  That's absolutely inappropriate to informally invite people to someone else's wedding....wtf?? She had her wedding--that was her shot!! I would have your fiance talk to her, whoever said that about her holding a grudge against you is right--she will hold a grudge against you!! Also, of course there is something you can do if they just "show up!" First off, I'm sure your resort has security. Second ly, if it is a PRIVATE ceremony, the resort won't just let random people show up and witness someone's wedding!! Third, if she seriously threatened that....tell her the wedding is at a different resort. SERIOUSLY. If you let her walk all over you, you are setting a precedent that it is okay to walk all over you. She'll do the same thing when you have your first child--she'll invite all her friends to the hospital for the delivery, to see the baby, invite them to the shower, their first birthday, etc. My Mom's friend, who I have known for 20 years, but with whom I have NEVER been close, said that if she is not invited to my wedding, she is going to "crash" it. WTF?? Excuse me?? Find something else to do on a Saturday night!! You have to have some solid gold nuts and stand up to these people if they're going to be fixtures in your life.

                   

                   






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