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am i being unreasonable?


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#71 jajajaja

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    Posted 21 July 2010 - 01:13 PM

    Just to clarify- my comments weren't directed at you and I don't think a majority of them were really. Kinda went off on it's own tangent of tacky vs non-tacky or what kind of proposal is supposedly "acceptable." I read that you wanted him to wait when you aren't having a wedding related event- which I think is reasonable. I think it's unreasonable to say he can't propose at all.

    The comments to you were the worst. Those people need to get a grip or they are going to end up on an epsiode of bridezillas... for real.
    Happily married since 2008

    #72 Cassie

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      Posted 21 July 2010 - 01:16 PM

      I also don't see what the problem would be for him to propose after the wedding. Right before or the day of, obviously is different and I can see how that might be stealing some of your thunder, that time is about you and your FI. But after the wedding, at least at mine, everyone did their own thing, that was their vacation time. I was actually hoping my friend's bf of 4.5 years would propose during that time. I know she was secretly hoping it would happen, so I would have been really happy for them if it had. But, everyone is different and I don't think everyone will come to an agreement on this subject. I think if it means that much to you then have your FI talk to his friend about seeing if it would be ok for him to wait till after the wedding.
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      #73 TheFutureWagners

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        Posted 21 July 2010 - 01:23 PM

        I told my fiance about this and he was like OMG she is totally NOT being unreasonable. He said if it were him he would talk to his friend and try and get him to see that AFTER the wedding is a better idea. xo!

        #74 CanadianLindsey

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          Posted 21 July 2010 - 02:10 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by ~Andrea~
          It is their vacation too. It's not taking the easy route using their vacation to propose. My goodness, he just wants to propose?! I can't even imagine telling people that are spending their hard earned money what they can and can't do on the trip. And not all girls need their boyfriends to do an over the top proposal. A romantic time alone on vacation sounds quite nice! Not everyone can afford to go on trips and for some people this could be a once in a lifetime thing. And to say she would be embarrassed by that is over the top. Who would say that?!
          Wow, this is getting intense. I think when people post and ask for an opinion they want some advice, and all I was saying is that if she feels strongly about not wanting this to happen at her wedding-which I happen to agree with- then maybe she can appeal to the guy to think of how his gf would feel being proposed to at a DW. Maybe she feels it is inappropriate too. No need to cut me up for my opinion of making proposals special (I never said anything about over the top or expensive, just unique to them).
          DW are a newer thing and everyone is a bit iffy about the proper ettiqutte and what to do when the vacation and wedding become one blurred line. I think most of us on here who have ettiqutte questions are not asking to be the queen for a week, just a little respect from our friends and family about things that matter to us or seem like common sense; everything from bringing uninvited guests, who pays for what, or people proposing during our DW.


          #75 Princess402

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            Posted 21 July 2010 - 02:31 PM

            Wow this thread is getting heated!!! I think it's great to have feedback from B2Bs and from the girls who are already married (seriously, helps to put things in perspective from those who have been through it already!), BUT...

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by carly
            Don't get me wrong, I'm all about it being tacky to get engaged AT someones wedding, but I don't see the problem with it before or after. And I'm kinda shocked at how many people really think that everyones entire vacation should revolve for the entire time around the wedding. You really think the entire week is about you (bride & groom)? Do you dedicate an entire week to every wedding that you go to? Then I don't really think it's fair to expect others to do the same.
            I don't know that anyone is saying that the entire week should revolve around the bride and groom, in fact most, like myself, have just suggested that he wait to propose until AFTER their wedding. Yes, it's not just a wedding, it's a vacation for people. But it's also not just a vacation that people are there for, they are there for a wedding. KWIM? I think this trip provides the perfect opportunity for a proposal, but after the wedding. Especially since most of the people going know this other couple quite well. I know that the focus will still be on the bride and groom, but on my wedding day I want to congratulations to be coming to me, not already jumping ahead to the next persons wedding! But certainly, after that, go nuts!!!

            A lot of the focus too has been on the fact that this is a vacation week, but let's imagine that this was an at home wedding. I don't care where it is, who proposes the day before you are going to someone else's wedding? And if I was the one being proposed to, I wouldn't want this either because I would want to share the news with everyone and be joyful but I would feel like I would have to restrain myself from doing this until after the wedding in order to not steal the "next day bride's" thunder.

            #76 boscobel

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              Posted 21 July 2010 - 03:28 PM

              If you read the post that I quoted in my reply above, you would see that is exactly what she said...

              Eta: here is the quote that I was replying to...
              Quote:
              It's your wedding, the entire week should be about YOU.
              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Princess402
              I don't know that anyone is saying that the entire week should revolve around the bride and groom


              #77 JulieG

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                Posted 21 July 2010 - 03:53 PM

                Carly I was just about to quote the same thing. People actually did IN FACT say the whole week was about their wedding. Read the posts before you make a comment if you are going to say something is wrong, when its right there, for all to see. A lot of people were being bridezilla and saying a lot of me me me its all about me. Its not actually, the DAY is about you and FH, but not the whole trip.

                OP, I don't think anyone was specifically pointing you out, I was talking about all the whiners who think the whole week should be about them and everyone should bow down and do what they want on their vacations because on ONE of those days you happen to be getting married.

                I can see why you don't want him to propose before, and as long as you let him know to do it after, I don't think that is an issue. I do think its an issue to say he can't do it at all on his vacation, because he can, its his vacation.

                #78 cougs

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                  Posted 21 July 2010 - 04:04 PM

                  exactly what julie said!

                  #79 ~Nicole~

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                    Posted 21 July 2010 - 04:14 PM

                    Yup, ditto to Julie!!

                    OP - this thread expanded on more than what you initially posted about. Don't take offence!!!
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                    #80 jajajaja

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                      Posted 21 July 2010 - 04:31 PM

                      This thread is like an accident you can't help but look at!

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by CanadianLindsey
                      Wow, this is getting intense. I think when people post and ask for an opinion they want some advice,

                      True, but not everyone will agree so you gotta be willing to accept it. Or just put titles like "Only respond if you agree...." and get no advice since everyone would have the same opinion.

                      and all I was saying is that if she feels strongly about not wanting this to happen at her wedding-which I happen to agree with- then maybe she can appeal to the guy to think of how his gf would feel being proposed to at a DW. Maybe she feels it is inappropriate too. No need to cut me up for my opinion of making proposals special (I never said anything about over the top or expensive, just unique to them).
                      I don't think Andrea "cut you up". She's not like that and has totally proven how awesome she has in her years on the forum. She didn't say anything negative about you. Just pointing out the unreasonableness of it all...

                      DW are a newer thing and everyone is a bit iffy about the proper ettiqutte and what to do when the vacation and wedding become one blurred line. I think most of us on here who have ettiqutte questions are not asking to be the queen for a week, just a little respect from our friends and family about things that matter to us or seem like common sense; everything from bringing uninvited guests, who pays for what, or people proposing during our DW.
                      Don't think many people would disagree that it's important to respect... and it goes both ways. I think the things people have been saying about their "guests".... you know friends and family that LOVE the couple enough to put their life on hold and commit a few thousand dollars to witness their matrimony- they deserve more respect than "put up or shut up." Not that you said some of this stuff, but there has been so many selfish statements in this thread. That's what's getting called out here. Not the original OP. She was respectul about her friends in her post.

                      You did say something about the gf being embarrassed of her proposal "story." If it's about a "story" then I think she would be missing the whole point of someone asking for her hand in marriage. As Andrea noted, he just wants to propose. Not sacrifice a baby in his woman's honor.
                      Happily married since 2008




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