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Who to invite? HELP!?

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#1 tris

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    Posted 04 July 2010 - 05:22 PM

    I need some advice ladies (and gentlemen if you're watching),

    We pretty much know who will be attending our DW through speaking to people. We've been together forever and for the past few years everyone has known we'll be doing a DW.

    Anyway, neither of us have a large extended family. FI's Dad's side is in the Czech Republic and he doesn't really talk to them. His Mom's side lives across Canada and he's not close to either. My Mom's side is non-existent since her brother and sister died young. My Dad's side is the issue.

    I'm not really close to my Dad. We've had a rocky relationship with many problems. I still love my grandparents and aunts, uncles & cousins on his side, but because of my relationship with my Dad we aren't as close. The other issue is they're not really "traveling types", they're also really religious and I don't think they'd approve of what will happen at an All-Inclusive resort.

    Do I still invite them? I know they won't come, but this is where I need your help. Etiquette-wise, would it be better if I sent them an invite anyway, or is that just like "rubbing it in"? I mean, I think my Dad's parents may be a little hurt that I'm not getting married in a church in our home small town, but that's not me.

    FI and I are lost. Do we invite all these Aunts, Uncles & Cousins knowing that they probably will have no interest in coming? I'll be sending out my Save The Dates within the next 2 weeks so I need help.

    Married my best friend 04/28/11 at the Gran Bahia Principe Runaway Bay

    #2 Sheree10

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      Posted 04 July 2010 - 09:45 PM

      Creating my guest list was one of the most difficult parts of the planning! We decided to invite quite a few people even though we knew they wouldn't attend. You may be suprised at who decides to come afterall. I say invite them even if you think they may not come. If you don't it may cause more problems.

      BRIDE + GROOM + 60 GUESTS!!

      #3 MrsJones2Be

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        Posted 04 July 2010 - 09:52 PM

        I say the same, its better to have invited them, then to not have invited them. I have learned through this process that your wedding day is one of those days when you have to be a little selfish and do what makes you happy. There is no do-over so invite whoever you want and remember to make sure these are people who will celebrate with you.
        MRS JONES 2 BE!

        #4 jk1101

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          Posted 04 July 2010 - 10:23 PM

          Definitely agree with the other posts.
          We invited people who knew we were having a Destination Wedding and said they couldn't wait to come....and guess what....they didn't come. The people who say they will come and the people who actually do come, like Sheree10 said, may surprise you. Send the STD to everyone - that's the easy part, and see what kind of response you get. As far as Etiquette, I think you should send the invites - at least in my family, people definitely would have felt slighted if they didn't get the invitation, even if we knew they couldn't come.

          #5 tris

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            Posted 04 July 2010 - 10:47 PM

            Thanks for your advice! It's really appreciated.
            I think we'll just send STD's to everyone and see what happens.

            It's such a touchy subject... I mean one of my best friends told me to my face a few years ago that people who have DW's are "completely selfish", after I had told her that was what I wanted. THANK GOODNESS she has since lightened up because she's one of my bridesmaids and I need her there!

            If one of my best friends feels that way I have no idea what kind of drama it's going to stir up in my extended family... uggh... let the drama begin! :)
            Married my best friend 04/28/11 at the Gran Bahia Principe Runaway Bay

            #6 rus

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              Posted 04 July 2010 - 11:06 PM

              Although I agree that you should invite as many people as possible, since you never know who ACTUALLY comes.....but there is a limit...

              I am actually in a situation similar to yours....our culture isn't as open to alcohol and things that may go on in an all-inclusive, but it came down to the fact that if they do come then that means they care enough not to judge...

              Make sure that the people you DO invite....are people you actually want there. Do not invite someone who you would be uncomfortable around.......everything should be perfect so don't invite someone who may make you upset at all....

              We invited our immediate family, friends and some extended cousins and surprisingly everyone has RSVP'ed with a yes and I am VERY grateful that I didn't invite those relatives that may make me uncomfortable or judging....

              Good luck with everything!

              p.s.- as for family drama...I have two families coming that may not get along but honestly I don't mind because they are there for me and not each other... I love them individually and your DW should be drama free with the ones you love!!
              Looking to share a great photographer for weekend of May 28th, 2011 in Puerto Vallarta.....PM if you're interested :-)


              #7 richarsd

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                Posted 05 July 2010 - 02:11 PM

                I invited relatives I barely know knowing they would not come but did so anyway because they are my aunts/uncles or whatever and technically should still be invited. People can look at it different ways: By inviting them, they may think I did so just as a possible gift grab (even though that was NOT why I invited them) or they may think it's sweet that I thought of them even though they can't/wouldn't come. If I didn't invite them, they might not care or they might be majorly offended. Sometimes, ya just can't win with some people so with that in mind, I did what made ME feel good, which was to invite them...I know they won't come but if they did, well that would be a pretty cool surprise. Regardless, my conscience is clear. I think you have to do what makes you feel comfortable. Goodluck!

                #8 Tilly in the Sun

                Tilly in the Sun
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                  Posted 06 July 2010 - 12:10 AM

                  I agree that you should invite everyone, even if you know that they can't or won't make it. We did, and I think it made people feel special and included in our special day, and no worries about hurting anyones feelings either :-)

                  #9 LChavez

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                    Posted 07 July 2010 - 11:22 AM

                    Should you invite an acquaintance who is inviting you to her wedding just months away from your wedding?

                    #10 tris

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                      Posted 07 July 2010 - 06:05 PM

                      Originally Posted by LChavez
                      Should you invite an acquaintance who is inviting you to her wedding just months away from your wedding?
                      I don't think you have to invite someone just because they're inviting you... especially if it's a DW. I'm sure she'd understand that only your family and closest friends will be there.

                      I mean, my wedding will be mine and FI's BEST friends (pretty much just our close circle that we do everything with) and close family. If I start getting into co-workers I'm friends with, plus extended members of my friends group it would just get really tricky.

                      I think it's easier just to leave it at that, but that's just me :)

                      I know I've been invited to many acquaintances weddings (mostly 2nd cousins and such) but I never felt obligated to invite them to mine... they just had HUGE weddings, something I'd never want.
                      Married my best friend 04/28/11 at the Gran Bahia Principe Runaway Bay

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