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No BM or MOH

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15 replies to this topic

#1 sebitasalejo

  • Jr. Member
  • 221 posts

    Posted 06 June 2010 - 11:59 PM

    I have two great friends and two lovely sisters that I would love to be right by me when I say I do.
    Problem is, he will only have the best man, no grooms men. Call it OCD, I want the same number or people on either side.
    That's neither here nor there. It really isn't a big deal. What is really an issue is the fact that my best friends and my older sister live overseas and don't know wedding etiquette in the US. My little sister (who is 17) is here and I guess she knows how things work, but she awful at logistics and organizing stuff, so she will probably just stand next to me and her job will be done. That means I am completely ALONE in the planning process. I don't see me getting a bridal party, a bachelorette party, or anything that goes with the wedding-planning process. I will have to choose the dress by myself, etc.
    I have other good friends, but asking them to come along and not asking them to be in my wedding party... I don't know how they will feel. AH! that reminds me, one of them is already saying she is going to be part of my wedding party. OMG I never asked her or said yes if she asked. I'm not upset about her assuming that, but the part when I tell her she will not be is going to suck!
    Anyway, it is no drama. I guess I'll get it sorted out at the end.
    Having someone help me with the planning would have been fun and nice.

    #2 mlabbe

    • Member
    • 784 posts

      Posted 07 June 2010 - 12:29 AM

      I didn't have a BM or MOH either, and I think that it was perfectly fine. I had friends come with me for the dress, but I never asked them to be in the wedding party. They ended-up not even being to come to the wedding. I din't have a shower, etc. I know that it means a lot to some people, but it didn't mean much to me, so I was fine with it. Just remember that the wedding is about the two of you, and not about if you have any BM or etc. In the end, what was meant to be will be! Good luck :)

      #3 CourtneyV

      • Sr. Member
      • 4,979 posts

        Posted 07 June 2010 - 01:25 AM

        I can only echo what Magalie said above; I didn't have a bridal shower either. My parents came with me to choose my dress, but I would have just as easily brought friends and not worried about asking them to be in my bridal party. In fact, I've been dress shopping with my FSIL and the very idea of being in her bridal party didn't cross my mind, it was just fun going shopping with her!

        I think you're reading too much into what is "suppose" to happen, but your wedding is what you make of it! I loved planning my wedding, and wouldn't have accepted help if it was offered; I bounced ideas off of the occasional person, but I planned every detail and wouldn't have had it any other way - I had a blast planning all those details too!

        ENJOY this experience!!! :)
        Happily Married since May 9, 2008
        Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

        #4 Mrs Price 2010

        Mrs Price 2010
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        • 74 posts

          Posted 07 June 2010 - 10:18 AM

          I agree with the other girls!
          You don't need to go shopping with only people in the bridal party - can you not ask friends and say your asking them because they have great style and will give you there honest opinion! Not because you want them to be a BM!
          I'm not having any BM or MOH, my sister was originally going to be my MOH but not she's not coming, so have got used to the idea of going it alone - to me it feels more personal and all focus will be on me and my FI.
          It's the best thing about a DW - all traditions go out the window!

          I'm sure some of your close friends and sisters will organise a Bridal Shower if you want one, I'm organising my Hen Weekend (as us in the UK call it) and my friends have been amazing and helping me out - most of which aren't even coming to the wedding.

          Regarding you friend who thinks she is part of the bridal party, I'd talk to her sooner rather than later and explain. I'm sure she'll understand, but think it's best to be upfront.

          Good luck!

          #5 tracy0716

          • Jr. Member
          • 431 posts

            Posted 07 June 2010 - 10:31 AM

            I'm having an uneven wedding party and at first it bothered me too. My FI is having his 2 brothers. I only asked my sister to be my MOH and then told my friends I just wanted them to attend and not have to worry about any additional costs with hair, make up, and BM dress. Of course they all wanted to attend but life got in the way...1 just had a baby 5 weeks ago, another is due to give birth a few weeks after our wedding, and 2 others are having money/job issues and just couldn't come. I'm sad they won't be there but I absolutely understand. As for my sister, putting it bluntly she's useless with helping plan the wedding and plan other events for me. I still love her but she is not a traditional MOH. My friends did throw me a bachelorette party, only my mom came wedding dress shopping with me, and I made it clear I do not want a bridal shower.

            I know there's the traditional way that things are "supposed" to happen but honestly life doesn't always let that happen. Try to go with the flow and if you want these other events I'm sure you're friends will be more than happy to organize what your sister in the states cannot without feeling they have to be in your wedding. Good luck!

            #6 MysTea

            • Member
            • 559 posts

              Posted 07 June 2010 - 02:06 PM

              I think it will be totally fine whatever you choose to do...I am not having any GM or MOH or a Bridal party of any kind. It will be me and My Fi and My friends will be attending as well as family....I couldnt choose who I wanted to be my MOH since I have my Sister who is My # 1 BFF and I have three other BFF's and my groom has a few but they didnt know weather they were gonna make it so I said to make it easier lets scratch them all...(Less headache anyways) and We are totally fine with it...They all came dress shopping but most of the planning is all me...although they tag along for my shopping needs....personally I think this may be the best decision for me because I often put others before me and I want to be selfish this time...... It will be more intimate to just have me and My FI as the focus and thats that...The friends who will be able to attend im sure will be as excited as you are and will be available to help out in any way they can...real friends wont hold it against you, if you decide to choose your sis...dont think so much about who will be in your party..If its just one GM and 2 BM thats fine....

              Good Luck.
              **Dreams Palm Beach HERE WE COME!!! 11.01.2010**

              #7 sebitasalejo

              • Jr. Member
              • 221 posts

                Posted 07 June 2010 - 03:50 PM

                Thank you guys for your words. I acutally forgot I have my mom lol (isn't that awful? forget about mom?) I have tons of fun with ther when we go shopping. I don't even know why I did not mention it. And, she is pocket-mindful, so I wont feel judged if I don't wanna buy an expensive dress. YAY

                #8 Mrs. Martin

                Mrs. Martin
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                • 514 posts

                  Posted 07 June 2010 - 04:54 PM

                  I didn't have a bridal party either. The only friends and family that I would have asked were the only ones going to the wedding so I wouldn't have had any guests. My two best friends took me to Vegas for my bachelorette party and that was completely unexpected. My aunt surprised me with a shower, that was unexpected as well. i'm super grateful I had those events, but I wasn't planning on having them since I was already asking people to fly all the way out to Cancun. As far as the dress shopping , I just took my sister and my mom saw my dress when I purchased it. No matter who you are with or if you do/don't have a bach party/shower, your wedding planning and events will not be any less special. So, enjoy!

                  #9 wendyjd

                  • Member
                  • 968 posts

                    Posted 07 June 2010 - 06:08 PM

                    we're not having any bm/moh either, we want the focus to be on the two of us.

                    its a DW so you can do what ever you want, don't worry about everyone else's feelings. You won't end up having the wedding of your dreams but everyone else's dreams.

                    go shopping with your mom and/or friends. I went with my FI then took my mom and niece back for the confirmation (I had it narrowed down to 2 dresses). They had the pleasure of shopping without the hours of waiting and being bored.

                    #10 MaggieandJay

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 1,029 posts

                      Posted 07 June 2010 - 06:13 PM

                      Never Fear! I think you good any of the ways these ladies suggested. I do not have ANY BMs and my little brother is walking me down the aisle then standing there to be my "Brother of Honor". I am not going to have a shower unless my future mother-in-law wants to have one. I am planning my own bachlorette just due to I would feel weird saying throw me a party even though your not a BM..LOL. I actually am very control freak so planning my bachlorette is turning out to be right up my comfort level! My friends are going shopping with me and I bounce ideas off them over email all day. I think some of them are actually relieved they don't have to do anything. HA
                      Hang in there and it will all work out! Sending good thoughts your way!
                      Maggie and Jay GOT married on May 15th 2011 at Azul Sensatori. Best International Wedding EVER!

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