Crazy MIL - help!
Posted 20 April 2010 - 08:46 AM
A few months ago she told me to start eating sweet potato fries, so I can have a better chance of twins, that way there is one for FI and I, and one for her. All she ever does is talk about "grand kids" and its to the point where she is scaring me away from even wanting kids. FI and I joke about having to close all the blinds and lock the doors because she won't leave us alone.
FI and I are getting legally married a month before going down to Cabo and initially we were going to go by ourselves to the court house, but since none of the Grandparents are physically able to make it to Cabo, we decided to do it in the backyard with Grandparents and Parents.. we made it very clear that no one else was invited. I even called my brother and his wife to explain the situation, because I didnt want any hard feelings. Well a couple of weeks ago MIL and FIL were over and MIL says that my FIs brother has decided hes going to come to the legal wedding instead of the Cabo wedding. Thank gosh FI lost it and said "he doesn't have that option - he's not invited"
Here is the most recent issue and the one that put me over the edge to actually write this note. MIL bought a white dress to wear to our wedding.
I'm at the point where I don't even know what to do anymore with her. There is always something new. My life is like that "monster in law" movie lol
I don't know how to deal with her without making anything akward. FI says things when he is around and hears them, but for the most part MIL waits until he is out of the room to throw her little jabs out there.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with MIL?
Right now my strategy is to stay away from her. (they live in the same town as us by the way)
Posted 20 April 2010 - 09:08 AM
I would love to say that if it was my MIL I would stand up to her but I am all talk. Yet I would encourage you to make yourself heard because it will never stop unless she is made aware that there is a problem and she will not always get her way. You have a better chance if your FI is on your side or you may fighting be a losing battle. And it sounds like he is, so that is good. But don't fight fire with fire.
It shouldn't have to be about right and wrong but there should be boundaries. I think the white dress crossed that boundary for me. The twin for herself just freaked me out. I hope she was joking!
Maybe those boundaries should include less face to face time. No one deserves to be talked down to and no one has to stay there and listen to it. I have just 'taken it' for so many years from a number of places and I'm beginning to crack, if I don't walk out of a room I know I'll say something I regret. 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder', well maybe not in this case! lol
Being the better person will make you feel better and you won't be the only one to recognize it.
Posted 20 April 2010 - 10:07 AM
I'm so happy that I am not the only one going through MIL problems on here.
Whenever I do the "disappearing act" they tell FI that I hate them.
Posted 20 April 2010 - 10:18 AM
I can't stand mine. And it's next to impossible because everything she does comes from the right place, and is well intended, but it's just so awful.
I've had her tell me not to lift heavy things because it would damage my womb (yes, she said womb).
I've had her tell me that I should share things with her the way I do with my mom because my mom lives on the other coast.
I've had her come to my house (mind you, the day after the housekeeper was there), and offer to clean.
I've had her go through my personal papers (while I was at work) and call me to see if she can organize them for me. (Yes, even my tax returns.)
I don't like to hug or kiss her when she visits, but she grabs me and kisses me anyway, even when I push her away. And ALWAYS leaves a massive orangy-red lipstick mark on my face.
It's never ending. And it doesn't help that my MIL comes from a generation older than my mom and a culture where mothers are invasive. I've sat down with her privately and had conversations about boundaries, and it's helped... for about a week each time.
On the white dress, it is inappropriate. And anyone who knows anything about wedding manners knows you don't wear white unless your the bride. Personally, I'd suggest having you FI say something. Like "mom, you know it's unacceptable for anyone other than the bride to wear white. Maybe you should save that for another occasion and find a new dress." Don't get involved in this one.
He's your FI's mother, make him control her.
Happily married since 2008
Allurements by Rebecca - Destination Wedding Invitations and more
Posted 20 April 2010 - 10:29 AM
Posted 20 April 2010 - 12:36 PM
BTW, it seriously creeps me out that she wants one of your babies for herself. WTH
Your fiance needs to talk to her about all of this. It sounds like you have tried, but as her son, he needs to say enough is enough. If she is taking things this far now, imagine how she'll be in 20 years!
Posted 20 April 2010 - 12:48 PM
Posted 20 April 2010 - 12:53 PM
You must really, really, love your FI as I'm sure she could scare anyone away. It sounds like he gets it and is willing to support you. May-be some couple's counselling wouldn't hurt as a therapist may be able to provide you both with advice and the tools you need to deal with her, without having to cut off all contact.
And it's BEYOND creepy that she's already claimed one of your "twins" as her own. This lady needs help, fast.
Posted 20 April 2010 - 12:59 PM
Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:07 PM
When I told my MOH about the white dress, her immediate response was "did it come with a matching veil?!"
I told FI the other night that if he didnt deal with his mom, she would be the end of our relationship, because its just TOO much.
We got this ridiculous message on our answering machine a while ago because my FI and I didnt visit on our days off (god forbid us have a life outside of her), anyways the message was along the lines of "I have no idea if my son even lives here, I would feel awfully silly calling the wrong number and leaving a message to someone else, where did my son go" blah blah.. it went on for about 5 minutes of that.
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