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Alisarosenbaum

The First Family Fight...Children at the Wedding

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So my FI and I decided to have an adults only wedding, which we knew would upset a number of people. Most people with children are either not coming, or getting babysitters back home. My cousin called me to see if she could bring her kids to the wedding because she did not feel comfortable leaving them with the Hilton babysitter. We do not want kids at the wedding. Has anyone dealt with this??

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Talk about a sticky situation!! I think the no kids situation definitely becomes more difficult with a destination wedding - because people have to decide whether to just go to the wedding & leave the kids home, or to take the whole fam & trust an unknown baby sitter.

 

It sounds like you've already arranged for baby sitting at the venue - right?

 

In my experience, the younger the children, then more difficult it is for mommies to want to leave them. It's just the way it is. My best friend in the world did not come to our wedding because she has a 2 year old and a 4 month old & just couldn't see it working out - so she made the decision that was best for her & I respected it.

 

I think you've just gotta let people do what they are going to do. I wouldn't indulge the desire to debate them over it.

 

**Note - I did not have a "no kids" policy - I would have welcomed any of my friends children to the wedding.

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well it becomes sticker if they've already planned on attending the wedding, booked the trip, and then found out kids weren't welcome. was this new information? if not, then she should have considered her options when booking! tough situation.

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Oh Boy, yes kind of...We are NOT inviting children except we had to make an exception with Ryans sister she had twins and they will be there, as to other guests if it is necassary that they can only come to our DW if they bring there children then so be it, but we would definitly prefer it if the little ones stayed home. As far as your situation goes this is your wedding your day that only comes once and I dont blame you for wanting it to be adults only, your guests should except that. I feel like Ive said this before but Ive run into a couple problems with fiances mother wanting an at home wedding and finally after being all upset about I decided to just except the fact that this is our wedding and we are doing it the way we want to do it and if certain people cant be there than that is ok too. Weather there are 4 guests our 24 guests we will have our dream wedding in Cabo and have a great time.

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Not an issue at my wedding, obviously with me having 5 kids, kids are welcome. Now having said that, I myself would leave my kids at home and enjoy a romantic vacation with my hubby, but if for some reason I couldn't leave them behind I also would not leave Liam with a hotel sitter, for 2 reasons, I don't know them, and Liam would flip out, he won't stay with anyone he doesn't know. You have to take that into consideration. Another thing is are you going to pay for the sitter's, sitter's at resorts charge anywhere from $15-$20 an hour, that can get really pricey.

 

The other thing is you are asking them to come so far, and pay so much to get there, it is really difficult to tell your guests that their children are not welcome. I think you should try to look at other options, arrange for the hotel to have an activity, with supervision, for all the children to do during the wedding, and a special kids dinner or something. The kids will then feel special, instead of like intruders, and there is a feeling of safety in numbers for the parents leaving their kids. And if the kids are not welcome at the reception be prepared for the parents of those children to probably head in early.

 

This is a difficult problem, and a tough one to handle. I just know for myself I would figure out a way to accomadate all of my guests, which the kids are also our guests as well.

 

You could also just make it clear no kids, and be prepared for some people to then not attend your wedding, and if your good with that, then that is your answer!

 

Remember my opinion is the opinion of a mom with 5 kids, and 9 nieces and nephews, all of which are an important part of our day, so please take it with the knowledge that I am of course probably not of an objective opinion.(I try though)

 

Kelly~

 

Kelly~

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My hair dresser said that she would definitely not feel comfortable leaving her 3 year old with a resort babysitter, which kind of surprised me. But then again, i don't have kids so my mind isn't doing the "mommy" thing yet. FYI she's not bringing her son since she will be "working", but kids are invited to the wedding. I want a flower girl/ring bearer! :) Then again, we may have so many kids in attendance that it wouldn't be fair to choose and "play favorites" and I'm not sure how we could incorporate them all without making it an affair revolving around them.

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My family had a big blowup about this for my sister's wedding 5 years ago, and it created a huge family rift that still hasn't healed! My sister had a no kids policy, and an aunt called to see if she could bring her kids, and when my sister nicely explained that it was an adults only event, the aunt flipped out and it triggered a whole chain reaction. Bottom line, they all banded together against her and 3 sets of aunts/uncles didn't come!! There was probably some other stuff bubbling under the surface there anyway (they are step-aunts/uncles and never treated her very well), but the no kids thing was the last straw that set it all off.

 

I hope this much drama doesn't happen to you, but if you stick with no kids, you definitely have to be prepared to have some people decide not to come. But it's YOUR big day, so if having kids there is something that would bother you, you gotta go with what you want.

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I planned on a 'no kids' wedding, just because I knew my brothers kids and my FSIL's kids wouldn't be coming. But, I would have welcomed kids. Now, my brother has decided they are bringing both boys (so now I have 2 ring bearers!! ya!) and several others have reserved rooms with kids. So, I'm glad I didn't let it be known I was thinking no kids.

 

Have you thought about allowing kids at the ceremony ... but not the reception? Would that be an option for you? Then, people who don't want to leave their kids with the hotel babysitter could still witness you exchange vows, and then skip the reception if they so choose. Just a thought...

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I originally planned on a no kids wedding weekend, but the first time I realized that I would be choosing between not having kids at the wedding and not having my mom's best friend there, I caved. Quickly. That being said, it never occured to me that leaving the kids with a babysitter durring the actual wedding was an option... although because I am not a mom, I don't think I could ask parents to leave their children with strangers...

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaimeLynne View Post
I want a flower girl/ring bearer! :) Then again, we may have so many kids in attendance that it wouldn't be fair to choose and "play favorites" and I'm not sure how we could incorporate them all without making it an affair revolving around them.
Oh Jaime, look at how pretty Ann's wedding was with all of the little kids, coming down the isle before Ann, I thought it was beautiful.

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