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Only married 7 weeks and heading for divorce :(


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#1 Sparkles8300

Sparkles8300
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    Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:29 PM

    I have not been able to stop crying for the past 30 hours. My whole world is completely shattered. Yesterday my husband borrowed my computer and logged into his work email. When he gave it back he had forgotten to log out. I felt the urge to snoop (which I have honestly not done in YEARS) and looked through his inbox....well there was nothing in there *whew*...then I looked in the trash can (which he obviously forgot to empty) and HOLY SHIT he has been having some sort of an affair with one of the admins at his work. Back in Aug. I almost called off the wedding when I found flirty texts from her in his phone. Then at his company happy hour his business partner at the time had a few too many drinks and told his wife how Erin (the admin) had a thing for Jay (my husband). I told him to stop all contact with her and he agreed to do so. I, being that we were about to get married, trusted him to break it off before it got too far) he obviously did not.

    I am not sure if the affairs just emotional or if it is more than that. I am probably kidding myself. There were emails on there from back before the wedding, and even THE DAY WE GOT BACK. Saying how he missed her (which he says was a joke). It breaks my heart. And the worst part is she is from a trashy part of Baltimore and is not pretty. I don't understand what he sees in her or why we got married if this is what he wanted. Here is part of the one email I managed to copy before he came in the room (out of the FIFTY emails over the past 2 weeks) mind you this girl does not work with him at all, she is an admin for a guy in another department so he really has no business talking to her in the first place (the convo starts at the bottom and ends at the top, just like in an email):


    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 3:19 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    You better be kidding.
    Come do what you’re supposed to do when you apologize to me

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 3:18 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    LOL…you know I’m just kidding

    Erin


    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 3:00 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Well YUCK YOU I guess.

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:59 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    LOL… or Mr Yuck

    Erin


    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:59 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Isn’t that a symbol for being disgusted and vomiting?

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:58 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    :x

    Erin

    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:46 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Apparently. But I figured that 2 drinks may = : o

    Three definitely would!


    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:45 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    LOL…no, not enough!

    Erin

    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:45 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Damn girl, that one drink hit you hard, huh?

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:43 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    Ha! You want love from Shelley?!

    Erin

    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:43 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Increasing the workplace love!

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:42 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    LOL…why?

    Erin

    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:41 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Haha. I was hoping you all had a few each!

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:41 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    We all had one drink (except for Lisa...she had water). I wasn’t ready to go; I wanted more drinks!

    Erin

    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:40 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    You get some drinks?


    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:35 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject: RE:

    Whatever, who cares!

    Erin

    From: Jay
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:34 PM
    To: Erin
    Subject: RE:

    Just letting you girls be girls. Didn’t want to be the only dude crashing your party

    From: Erin
    Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 2:34 PM
    To: Jay
    Subject:

    Why didn’t you go to lunch with us party pooper?

    Erin


    Mind you this is a girl he told me he had NO CONTACT with after the first flirty text I found back in Aug... and did not have a good feeling about. He told me it was no big deal and he would not talk to her anymore. Then I find a million emails like this one all flirty & even ones where she is complaining about her on again off again boyfriend. He even jokes (I hope it is a joke) about good now they can be together now that she is done with him. I am so over it. I feel like the fact that they have been doing these flirty work emails day in and day out for at least 6 months must have lead to something (or it sure would sooner or later). He says he has never even been to lunch with her...which I don't buy b/c why would she be asking "why didn't you go to lunch?" and I had been noticing that he had been buying lunch for 2 very often over the past few months but I figured it was for his own admin. Now I see what it really was. I really feel so betrayed and disgusted. I told him to leave and the only way we could possibly work this out is if he gives me his email passwords, works out of the other branches office, and emails her to let her know they are done, I also asked for her phone number so I can look at phone records and make sure he is telling the truth about not speaking or texting her and he won't give it to me. Of course he would not do any of those things. He says he is so sorry and he loves me (over and over) but he is not willing to do what I need him to do to fix this and prove he is not going to do this anymore. I told him to get out and I am done with him. This hurts so bad. We just got back the wedding photos and they want me to pic out my faves for my album and we are probably not even going to be together. It is so sad.
    WE WERE SO BLESSED TO HAVE A PERFECT WEDDING WEEKEND FROM START TO FINISH!

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    #2 pinayflava

    pinayflava
    • Jr. Member
    • 193 posts

      Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:38 PM

      OMG! i am sooo sorry to hear that! do you think perhaps counselling may save your marriage? darling i feel for ya *hugs*

      #3 Meitra

      Meitra
      • Jr. Member
      • 249 posts

        Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:39 PM

        Oh no. I am so sorry! That is just absolutely horrible! I agree that he needs to be willing to do anything you ask of him and even go above and beyond to prove his loyalty and fidelity to you. It takes a lot to regain trust. I would also say that you should go to counseling together so you can get it all aired out. If he's not willing to do any of the things you ask for your relationship, then I don't think he cares about your marriage enough. I really hope he gets his head on straight!
        Moon Dance Cliffs ---- Negril, Jamaica ---- December 4, 2010

        #4 kymkymkym

        kymkymkym
        • Jr. Member
        • 217 posts

          Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:45 PM

          Wow. I am speechless I don't even know what to say.. I feel awful for you and I don't even know you. I agree with you, I would not have been happy with those e-mails either if I was in your shoes. Hopefully he'll realize what a mistake he has made and be willing to fulfill your wishes of giving you his e-mail passwords etc. Hang in there!

          #5 *Karla*

          *Karla*
          • Sr. Member
          • 4,854 posts

            Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:52 PM

            Oh Leslie! I am at a loss for words I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. Jay seems way out of line, emotional affair or physical affair, they are NOT okay. Does he understand why you are so upset with him? Maybe he doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. Did he leave, or is he still at home? I know right now you probably feel as thought he can't trust him again, but remember why you guys got married. I am sure you love each other, and I pray that you guys can work through this. Remember all the girls on BDW are always here for you if you need anything! Sending HUGS your way!

            #6 starchild

            starchild

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              Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:52 PM

              Wow this is crazy! I don't have any advice other than to talk to him and go with your gut. Sorry you are dealing with this.

              FYI I edited out the last names/phone numbers/email addresses that were in the emails. You don't want that sort of stuff out there for everyone to see...or maybe you do lol...but I removed it :)

              #7 LadyTrunck

              LadyTrunck
              • Sr. Member
              • 1,114 posts

                Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:53 PM

                I am so so sorry you are going through this. I agree with Meitra- he should be doing everything in his power to assure that your relationship regains stability. I really hope it all works out- and if it doesn't, you will have a chance to find someone that won't betray you like he may have.
                Married to my BEST FRIEND!
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                #8 itsfinallyhere

                itsfinallyhere
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                • 573 posts

                  Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:54 PM

                  Oh you poor thing. I cannot tell you how badly I feel for you. To be going thru such a horrible thing when it should be your happiest days. I would not feel comfortable giving any kind of direct advise, other than maybe you (and he) should find somebody to talk to. A third party that is neutral. Not a friend that may have divided loyalties but a counselor or something. I don't know why but sometimes it is very difficult for people who love one another to communicate to that they can understand each other. I think that maybe what has happened for right now. And sometimes people just don't know how to get out of certain relationships and stay out of them. Especially when then are being chased down. He is obviously oblivious to how many ways this is affecting you and completely undermining you. I hope you find some peace and are able to get some rest. Don't forget to take care of yourself, and maybe even indulge a little. You do deserved to be spoiled a little every now and then. I think that in times like this you need to be extra nice to yourself, when someone else will not. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you. Wishing you all the best. XOXOXOXOXO

                  #9 Cindy*

                  Cindy*
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                  • 2,655 posts

                    Posted 24 January 2010 - 11:57 PM

                    I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I sincerely hope that you have a strong network of friends and family to help and support you at this time. I know nothing about your husband or your relationship but I agree that he should be prepared to do what you have asked. Trust is the foundation of every relationship and you can't move forward without repairing that trust. I hope that you are able to get through this and work it out in whatever manner is best for you.

                    #10 KarenM

                    KarenM
                    • Sr. Member
                    • 1,920 posts

                      Posted 25 January 2010 - 12:02 AM

                      Oh wow, I am so so sorry to hear you're going through this! I know the emails look damning & are completely inappropriate, but is there a possibility he's telling you the truth? Have you confronted him about an affair? I totally agree that establishing trust is a really hard thing to do once it's been breached, but it can be done with hard work. That said, he really needs to be willing to do everything he can, starting with being honest, in order to save your relationship. Counseling could be a really good outlet for both of you to try to deal with this.

                      Good luck to you, and when you need to vent we're all here!




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