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Holidays and the Future In-Laws


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#1 bridetobe1515

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    Posted 30 November 2009 - 08:12 PM

    Does anyone here find it difficult to balance out the holidays when it comes to your family and the future in-laws? It seems like everytime I get something planned one of them is unhappy. I dread the holidays now which stinks so bad since I use to always look forward to them. HELP!

    #2 *Linds*

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      Posted 30 November 2009 - 08:49 PM

      it is very difficult! I wish there was an easy answer. I gues the best you can hope for is a little bit of understand from both families..that's what i hope for anyways...Wish i had a better answer, but we just try to balance the best we can while keeping ourselves sane and happy!
      Loving married life! <3

      #3 *Nadine*

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        Posted 01 December 2009 - 01:27 AM

        Every year we have just taken turns at each others in laws, its been pretty easy. And this year our wedding is on dec 29th so we will ALL be together in Mexico.. perfect solution :)

        #4 LadyTrunck

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          Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:06 AM

          OH me oh my.... what a subject for me right about now. This last holiday was the most stress FI and I have ever had. It is our first year out of 3 in CA that we will be back for Turkey in CO. Past 2 years we have only been back for Christmas. Anyway, FMIL pulled the crazy card and wanted FI all to her family that day. Never mind everything was already planned and we were to spend the day after with them. She literally was RUDE to both of us, pulled the guilt card several times as soon as we got off the plane....

          It was very stressful---we rarely fight about a thing. He was on my side, but she made him feel so guilty, he gave in, which of course, I was FURIOUS. I finally separated peacefully.... I got a text at about 2pm from him saying that his dad and him both called her out (quietly and privately-separately) for the fact that he has two families now and she has to understand that.

          Ryan got an apology the same day from her, I got one the day after. I know she is having a hard time letting her baby, and the only boy of the family, go. But she promised to 'share' in the future.

          So Bridetobe1515-----the only thing I can suggest is to share time, if that is not possible because of geographical problems- make a plan and stick to it. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything, and if it's your family doing the guilting, stick up for you and FI, and make him promise to do the same. After all, you have to go home together after you eat!!
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          #5 *kellis*

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            Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:36 AM

            This is seriously going to be a source of stress for me for awhile, I can already tell that. I already have a blended family and am used to splitting Christmas between my mom's family here and my dad's family in CA. The last couple years that has already gotten more complicated with my father not wanting to make any more trips to the airport Christmas day and now I have another family to add into the mix. This Thanksgiving FI and I drove 45 minutes away to have lunch at my aunts then back across town to have dinner at his moms. I was glad to get to see both my and his families on Thanksgiving but I barely ate anything at either places because I was trying to make sure I wasn't rude to the other lol.
            I have no clue how Christmas is going to work this year. My father and step mom seem to think I should come up to CA for Eve and Christmas day but we can't afford to both go and while I can deal with trading off seeing one family for a holiday, I'm not willing to have a holiday with FI.
            Every time I think about it I start stressing so for now I'm just not going to think about it yet.
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            #6 Patti

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              Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:27 PM

              My situation is a little different than all of yours. We are older, with children and grandchildren. FI's daughter, son-in-law and grandaughter live in Phoenix, with his son and his family in California. I have a daughter and her family in California and another daughter (plus the rest of my family) in Houston. So, as you can see, we're spread out all over. We split up at Christmas time so that we can each be with our families and then we meet back up and spend the week between Christmas and New Year's with each other (off from work). It would be hard for me to not be with my family at this time. My mother is 85 and who knows how much longer she'll be around. Plus, FI's daughter isn't happy that he is getting married. I don't take it personal, which is the way that she directs it. She just doesn't want her father to be with anyone (her words). He is a widower. I certainly wouldn't turn down an opportunity to be with my family for someone like that. We're actually flying out of Cabo, after the wedding, to different locations. It's ok though - we always make up for lost time when we meet back up. I do understand your stress though. I have gone through it with my first husband and hope that I can be a good mother for my daughters and not give them any added stress.

              #7 diamondpooch

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                Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:30 PM

                This year we did me, my FI, my mom and dad, FI mom and dad and sister and her DH and his family, so ALL the family was together which was nice because we didn't have to travel from house to house. We all get along pretty well and those who have opinions on the others just keep it to themselves thank goodness :)

                #8 Outdoor_girl1010

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                  Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:59 PM

                  Its not so much the problem between our familys. Here my story on my side I have a 14 yr old brother and a 29 yr old brother my mom and dad and my grandma. My older brother isn't married so not a big deal. Now on FI side. He has two sister. One is remarried with three kids, one of the kids is from the new marriage, the other two dont see there die beat. So she has her kids all the time. The other sister has two kids and this was not her year to have them at Thanksgivng. My FI has a little girl and it was his year to have her. His mom always wants everyone there which is nice, but the only one who she works around it the sister who always has her kids. For her the holidays are all about the kids which it should be, but with that said my FI gets his feeling hurt because his mom only seems to care about the sister who always has her kids and their schedule. Sorry if this all runs together.
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                  #9 bridetobe1515

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                    Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:22 PM

                    It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one pulling my hair out trying to co-mingle the families. My FMI hates me. I'm convinced of that. Every year they volunteer me to host Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. I try to get in good with her so I agree to it. Now my mom is flying off the handle saying that she is sick of always skirting around FI's family plans. I invited her to come since I'm hosting and for the first time she agreed. That may sound great...but it isn't! I can picture the rude remarks and ham flying across the table now! I just pray that it all goes smoothly and everyone keeps their comments to themselves.

                    #10 *kellis*

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                      Posted 02 December 2009 - 03:42 AM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by bridetobe1515
                      It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one pulling my hair out trying to co-mingle the families. My FMI hates me. I'm convinced of that. Every year they volunteer me to host Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. I try to get in good with her so I agree to it. Now my mom is flying off the handle saying that she is sick of always skirting around FI's family plans. I invited her to come since I'm hosting and for the first time she agreed. That may sound great...but it isn't! I can picture the rude remarks and ham flying across the table now! I just pray that it all goes smoothly and everyone keeps their comments to themselves.
                      You're braver than I to host it yourself. That would be a great solution with my family(at least the ones who all live in AZ) but I would be so overwhelmed hosting any holiday with my parents, FI's parents, my younger siblings, and my older brothers who all are in relationships. Not to mention the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents. Eeek! I don't think I'll be able to handle that for a few years or at least not until we get a big house to fit everyone.
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                      (Formerly "Future Mrs. Kt Ellis")

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