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Asked to share wedding week by friend- vent/help!!


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#11 Sloan

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    Posted 02 November 2009 - 08:39 PM

    She's already married. You've done all the leg work. Why should you have to share your first marriage with someone's renewal. No way would I share my week with anyone, especially someone who's already had their "big day" -- that's being selfish.

    #12 Debs

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      Posted 02 November 2009 - 08:39 PM

      As long as it's at least 2 days AFTER yours I wouldn't have a problem with it. Here's the thing. All your guests won't hang out with each other every day they are down on the trip. Everyone has their own thing going on, like activities and excursions, I wouldn't expect (or want) people looking to me for something to do the entire week, as I'm there to have a vacation too.

      I would draw the line at planning the thing together though. I mean your wedding is your wedding. As long as she's still planning her own thing and not latching on to all your plans it wouldn't bother me.

      Besides, 10 years is nothing to sneeze at. I would feel like a beotch by saying they couldn't celebrate it just because they happen to be away at your wedding.

      #13 Debs

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        Posted 02 November 2009 - 08:41 PM

        PS, a few people have gone through this, including one member who's SISTER got married (ya first marriage) the same week a couple of days after her's, and that would have peeeeeeved me off a lot more than a vow renewal!

        #14 liznsergio

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          Posted 02 November 2009 - 08:51 PM

          Im sorry, but maybe I'm just too selfish.....I don't care if it's two, three, four, or five days after my wedding, I would NOT be ok with sharing OUR MOMENT with someone else who has already been married for ten years! Personally, i think it was so wrong of her to even consider asking you in the first place! What was she thinking!!!!!!? Now, if her and her husband want to have a ceremony just for themselves (which I think is more appropriate) and it does not involve incuding your guests or anything like it, then yes she is free to do whatever she wants while she is there, since she day pay for her own trip. But anything that involves SHARING your week or your moment would be definitely out of the question for me! GOOD LUCK :o)

          #15 Meyer2010

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            Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:12 PM

            I'm sorry, but I think it's rude for your friend to interfere with your wedding plans. If they have been married for 10 years they should know better! If they want to renew their vows let them make their own plans. I would be so disappointed if one of my friends did this, it would be hard for me to tell them NO though.

            This is a tough question! Good Luck!

            ~ Erica

            #16 vgirl17

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            Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:21 PM

            Don't do it! I went through something a little similar (step-brother's girlfriend decided she HAD to get engaged before me during the week we all went to Cancun together and they KNEW my fiance was going to propose!!!... she found out from my step-dad and mom when my fiance asked for their permission) Normally we all get along great and she's really young so it didn't bother me at first, especially since I knew she was DYING to get engaged because all of her friends were getting married, etc and she was CONSTANTLY dropping not so subtle hints to everyone in our family about wanting to get engaged to my step-brother... but then.... it got messy when the planning started... she was already asking me if we had a date picked for the wedding while we were still at the airport on our way home from Cancun because she had already decided on their date!!! I was like, "Uh, I hadn't really thought about a date yet since we've only been engaged for 4 days!!!" (not to mention we weren't even back from our vacation yet!)

            Anyway, try to talk to your friend and let her know that it may be a bit much for all of your guests to have to attend two events during your wedding week. 10 years is a great accomplishment but she should understand that this is your week and not about her. Offer to help her plan for her vowel-renewal "after" you're done with your own planning. Good luck, I hope it works out for you. If she's really your friend she should understand.

            #17 Danyelle

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              Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:26 PM

              I'm shocked that she even asked. That's so rude!
              It's ultimately your decision, but I'd totally tell her no...and depending on my cycle I may even uninvite her.

              #18 YaelM

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                Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:33 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Debs
                As long as it's at least 2 days AFTER yours I wouldn't have a problem with it. Here's the thing. All your guests won't hang out with each other every day they are down on the trip. Everyone has their own thing going on, like activities and excursions, I wouldn't expect (or want) people looking to me for something to do the entire week, as I'm there to have a vacation too.

                I would draw the line at planning the thing together though. I mean your wedding is your wedding. As long as she's still planning her own thing and not latching on to all your plans it wouldn't bother me.

                Besides, 10 years is nothing to sneeze at. I would feel like a beotch by saying they couldn't celebrate it just because they happen to be away at your wedding.
                I agree with this! I think if its at least a few days AFTER your wedding then it would be ok...id probably still be a little peeved but she probably doesnt see it as taking it away from your wedding. Also like Deb said as long as its completely separate and she plans her own thing...good luck!

                #19 sjmacphe

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                  Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:49 PM

                  Hey there, I am going through a similar situation. Friends of ours just got engaged a few months ago - they had been planning on coming to our wedding but also knew they wanted a DW. So, long story short they asked if it would be ok if they got married at the same resort as us...I was at first a bit annoyed b/c I don't want to be a bridezilla, but I didn't want to share EVERYTHING with them, we aren't really even great friends anyway...So, they agreed to do it the week after us (still at the same resort) and we're going to stay an extra week so we can attend their wedding. So, they get a pre-wedding honeymoon and we get a week together after our wedding. It has worked out ok, but I just feel sort of weird about it sometimes b/c I picked this resort and they are just sort of going along with what I picked even though the bride wasn't super happy with the timing etc...I kind of wish they had just planned their own wedding completely b/c if something goes wrong I feel like its my fault. Also, our weddings are going to look so similar, but I know they will at least have unique features (we have very different tastes and I'm bringing my own photog). I am thinking you could do this too - maybe tell her you don't want to share your week (or however long your guests are going) but you might extend your trip so you could attend her ceremony...Good luck deciding! I can sympathize with what you're going through!

                  #20 Debs

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                    Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:52 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by sjmacphe
                    It has worked out ok, but I just feel sort of weird about it sometimes b/c I picked this resort and they are just sort of going along with what I picked even though the bride wasn't super happy with the timing etc...I kind of wish they had just planned their own wedding completely b/c if something goes wrong I feel like its my fault.
                    Yikes. Well she always had the option to have it another time and another place! Jeeze! If she's going to start complaining about stuff like that I'd be pissed!




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