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Asked to share wedding week by friend- vent/help!!


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#1 buckain

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    Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:01 PM

    One of my close friends, who has been married for 10 years at the time of our wedding, has told me that they were planning on re-newing their vows that year anyway, and they want to do it at the same time in Key West since they have to travel there for our wedding anyway… I am torn on how I feel about it… part of me wants to be selfish and say the week is mine, but part of me understands why it seems easier and convenient since a lot of mutual friends will be there… but I can't imagine asking someone to "share" their wedding week…. I don’t know how to respond… she asked if that was ok, and initially I said I didn’t mind but wanted to think about it a little more.. And now that I have thought, the more I hate the idea…. *sigh* what should I do? I want them to come, she and her husband are great friends, but I am feeling selfish!

    #2 breeze616

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      Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:09 PM

      Wow that's rough! I totally understand your dilemna since I am kinda also sharing the wedding planning spotlight with my sis who is getting married this summer before me.
      I wish I had better advice for you but I think that you have to just talk to her, honestly and openly. Tell her how much she means to you but that the whole thing is urking you out. Maybe through the discussion you will come to some terms that will work for both of you... I hope it all works out!!

      #3 shellk

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        Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:40 PM

        your not being selfish its your week and she should,nt really have asked you.she is thinking of the convenience.if you go ahead just tell her you don,t mind as long as she has her ceremont a few days after yours at least.

        #4 vlynnw

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          Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:48 PM

          Wow that is tough, I understand the convenience of it and all. However, she's already married and has been able to have her time, and this is supposed to be your's, asking you to share that kind of takes away from it. You definitely need to sit her down and explain how you're feeling to her. I'm sure she would be understanding and if you are ok with it maybe make sure they are at separate ends of the week.
          Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

          #5 doblauvelt

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            Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:53 PM

            I have to agree with vlynnw that she's already married, she's had her moment. This week should be yours and hopefully your friend can acknowledge that.

            #6 Melidell

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              Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:55 PM

              I think if the thought of having to share your week is already bothering you, then by the time the wedding comes it's really going to bother you. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have your wedding to yourself- you're the one who's planned this and your friend doesn't have to tack on a vow renewal to your wedding week just for the sake of convenience. If you were super cool with it that would be one thing- but I don't think many people would be okay with this. I know I wouldn't like it- it's just too much going on in one week, to be honest, and this is your wedding- she's had hers. She should plan a vow renewal of her own if she'd like to do one and that way everyone can enjoy each event separately. If she's a good friend and you tell her in a reasonable way, she should understand how you feel. Good luck!
              Loving married life!

              #7 KittenHeart

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                Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:55 PM

                Hmmm yeah that't not totally fair for you, they're already married too which should give you double priority right?

                If they were going to do it just the two of them it's no biggy but I'd say that it's not cool for the to ride on your coat tails so to speak and bring your guests in on their wedding renewal.

                I'd find a polite way to let her know that you have activities planned for the week and you'd prefer if they picked another week to renew their vows as you would want to witness it as well but will be unable during your own wedding week.

                Good luck!

                #8 sweetiecat

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                  Posted 02 November 2009 - 06:16 PM

                  Maybe you could suggest that they do it toward the end of the week (if you are getting married near the beginning of the week), when some of the guests would have gone home by then? That way, the guests that wanted to see the vow renewal could stay for it, but otherwise wouldn't have to.

                  I don't know, I think it was a little rude for her to put you in this position. I wonder if it occurs a lot during destination wedding trips since the romantic resorts rekindle relationships in couples, and they get the idea of doing it once they are there. Does she really want a lot of people to witness the vow renewal, or would be just be a few people? I think if it were just a few, I would be more inclined to give her my blessing. Otherwise, I might feel like she were stealing the spotlight.

                  #9 KRama

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                    Posted 02 November 2009 - 07:49 PM

                    Of course it's convenient for her, you've done all the work! You've researched the dates, found the resort, found the flights, invited guests and now all your friend has to do is send out invites! Not fair. This would abosolutely bother me and I can't imagine asking someone if I can tack on my vow renewal to their wedding. Like sweetiecat said, if it's a handful of mutual guests attending and it doesn't interfere in any way with your own wedding week activities, I could maybe go with it. If it's almost ALL of your wedding guests, I'd ask that they arrange their own trip so you can enjoy the spotlight on yours.

                    #10 starchild

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                      Posted 02 November 2009 - 08:22 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by KRama
                      Of course it's convenient for her, you've done all the work! You've researched the dates, found the resort, found the flights, invited guests and now all your friend has to do is send out invites! Not fair. This would abosolutely bother me and I can't imagine asking someone if I can tack on my vow renewal to their wedding. Like sweetiecat said, if it's a handful of mutual guests attending and it doesn't interfere in any way with your own wedding week activities, I could maybe go with it. If it's almost ALL of your wedding guests, I'd ask that they arrange their own trip so you can enjoy the spotlight on yours.
                      LOL well said!




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