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Future in law drama, blah!

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#1 Tifuhhknee

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    Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:33 PM

    I don't care if no one reads this, but I have to vent! These people are driving me crazy.

    First off, fiance told his parents we were interested in a DW and told them to think about it. If they gave us the okay, we would continue with trying to plan a DW. If it was an absolute we don't support it, we would consider something else. They gave us the okay, I call about 15 or so family members that wanted us to get married in Mexico (we just went in June with a bunch of my family) and everyone, especially me, was excited.

    The NEXT DAY.. FI's sister (FI has 2 bros and 2 sis) gets into it with him. She told us she couldn't believe we would go that to their parents and its selfish blah blah. Frankly, that was none of her business. He had some words with her, thank God I wasn't there, and that was that. About an hour later, his brother (only older sibling) called him and told him that we were going to hell, preached about God and church, told him we were wrong, and ended the call with a big "**** you!" and hung up on him. Poor FI, from that moment on, said he feels that he is no longer his brother. So we go to a funeral (half sister's great grandmother's, bad timing, right?) and are on edge about the whole thing the entire time. We went straight to his house after the services and had a talk with his mom, dad, and the sister that was starting stuff. His mom had every excuse in the book as to why we shouldn't get married in Mexico. I cried like a baby the whole time because my family is super supportive and my heart hurts for my FI because his seems to not care about what he wants. Of course your wedding is kind of selfish, it's his one and only day that can be about just him! He's 1 of 5 kids and has never asked his parents for anything. His older brother is a mooch and bums of their parents all the time. Took his dad's brand new truck as his own and left the dad with the '91! They pay the insurance, gas, etc on it. So FI feels he deserves this one thing. I agree. Long story short, I asked his mom how much $ was too much and got no answer. The conversation went nowhere. His dad never said a word because I know he supports us but can't disagree with his control freak wife. The sister listened in, stood up for older brother but said he did take it too far, and was nice about everything.

    This is getting long, but I know I'll feel better once this is out there. Little things have happened. Older brother's girlfriend is always demeaning or derogatory toward FI and myself. Thinks her sh*t don't stink, basically, and is just super immature. She's BFF with the sister that doesn't get along so well with my FI. It's such a tangled web. This sister of FI's says she can't put up $25 every month to try and come to our wedding. Then 2 months later buys a $300 bed to move into their game room outside so her boyfriend can sleep over with her every night. Paying her parents $60 a month for the AC increase on the bill. I see how important coming to our wedding is to her...

    Last night, FI's same sister wants to know why she read about our TENTATIVE wedding date (april 21, 2011 mind you) on facebook and wasn't straight up told that was the date. FI explained that this is 18+ months away, nothing is set in stone, we are only telling people who ask, etc. She flipped out on him and said he should have wrote it on the marker board of the fridge, she shouldn't have to ask to be told stuff, blah blah. Funny thing is, in this sit down with his parents and her (she called the older bro on bad terms with FI and told him all about it after, btw) that we were wanting spring break 2011. Is that not when this date falls? She knew first and forgot, so she's having a hissy fit now. Wanted October 2010, but his mom teaches, 1 bro in grad school, 1 sis in college, 1 sis in high school, and other bro will be in middle school. Spring Break is better for them and our anniversary falls in there, so why not?

    I'm tired of being so nice about all of this. Why do people make the most minor things into issues and arguments? What happened in the past year (been with him 6.5) to make these 2 siblings feel so strongly against us? At least his youngest sis & bro... and dad.. support us. FI's godmother let it slip that his dad already said he WILL be at our wedding, whether his wife goes or not. Is even willing to sell his Harley he's had about a year or two so his family can go. I admire that man so much.

    FEELING BETTER NOW! As someone said in the "wtf" thread, don't mind me, I'm just b*tching.
    Destination Wedding: April 21, 2011
    At Home Reception: May 7, 2011
    25 guests + bride + groom booked

    My Wedding Planning Notes

    #2 Jessica

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      Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:47 PM

      I'm sorry you are dealing with so much drama. What is wedding planning without some drama! Seems the two go hand in hand. I can't believe your FBIL and the whole preaching thing. Crazy! I hope everyone calms down and comes around. I personally would be jumping up and down if I got invited to a DW. Of course I look for any opportunity to travel! Good luck with planning your wedding, I'm sure it will be beautiful whatever you and your FI decide to do.

      #3 Patti

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      • 555 posts

        Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:19 PM

        Sorry you have to go through that. There's other gals on this site that have drama too. It's really a shame that people can't give you this one special time. Hopefully, it will all get better. Just hold your chin up and don't let them get the best of you.

        #4 TeNeil

        • Jr. Member
        • 192 posts

          Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:22 PM

          Amazing how some people turn "your" wedding into their business. Its too bad that they can't just be happy for the bride and groom......and politely decline the invite if they aren't interested or can't afford it.
          I can relate because my FIL's aren't coming.....they can absolutley afford it......but don't like Mexico......and don't really want to fly. We are just accepting their decision and know that one day they might regret not being apart of our amazing day.
          Good luck with everything!

          #5 classadiva

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          • 685 posts

            Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:48 PM

            So sorry that yu are going through this. It does help to vent....just know that you are not alone....so many seem to be going through the same thing. Hang in there.

            #6 Tifuhhknee

            • Member
            • 631 posts

              Posted 14 October 2009 - 10:21 AM

              Originally Posted by TeNeil
              We are just accepting their decision and know that one day they might regret not being apart of our amazing day.
              My family is extremely supportive and I just keep thinking of what an aunt told me... Whether they will ever admit it or not, if his parents do not come, they will regret it for the rest of their lives. Really makes me feel better! We offered to buy passports for his parents and the two youngest siblings (because they are the two that aren't old enough to work). Just going to have to wait it out and see how it goes.
              Destination Wedding: April 21, 2011
              At Home Reception: May 7, 2011
              25 guests + bride + groom booked

              My Wedding Planning Notes

              #7 bholthof

              • Banned
              • 323 posts

                Posted 14 October 2009 - 11:13 AM

                I never really understand why people make up excuses and get all upset about destination weddings. Ok, if you have a VALID financial excuse not to go, then thats ok, but when you are spending frivolously and obviously are just being ridiculous about it then the "I can't afford it" excuse is bogus.

                Besides, who WOULDN'T want a vacation in Mexico?? Its just so frustrating, because its not like they arn't getting anything out of it. Everyone gets a vacation - and in a gorgeous location to boot.

                Its mind-boggling.
                21 people + Bride & Groom booked!!


                #8 Billisa

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                • 76 posts

                  Posted 14 October 2009 - 11:24 AM

                  I feel for ya, I'm going through the same thing right now.

                  #9 Barbo

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                  • 51 posts

                    Posted 14 October 2009 - 11:54 AM

                    Don't worry! I went through the same thing. FI's family tried to bribe us to stay here and have a wedding! I had a fight with my Maid of Honor about it too. She said if we were going to Tim Buck Two she'd be there but still thinks it's selfish of us. Nice huh? We've over it now but at the time it was the worst. Also, after consulting with all our important people making sure they would come: My brother and his family said they couldn't afford it! Then FI's brother said he couldn't! So now, my mom is bailing out my brother (giving him 5k!) and FI's parents are bailing out his brother! Everyone is getting help but us! lol Oh and after all that, my family started questioning our travel agent, thinking that it's wayyyy too expensive and that we could make our own packages for much cheaper.... FML!!! I then broke down and cried my eyes out! Our travel agent was awesome, she came to my mom's house! Used the figures they found and broke it down for them and they FINALLY realized that it was a good deal.

                    You're right, it does feel good to vent. Sorry, this was your time to vent, not mine! I just want you to know that no matter how much notice you give people (especially when you do it to be considerate) there will ALWAYS be somebody who isn't happy. We got engaged Nov 2009 and our wedding is July 2010, our families have/had enough time to save, it was just not a priority to them...

                    Ok enough. Sorry again!

                    #10 autjo

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 2,182 posts

                      Posted 14 October 2009 - 12:26 PM

                      I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Look at it as the first opportunity to teach you and FI how to deal with stupid life stuff together. If you can get through this, then you will both know how to better deal with other things as they come up in your marriage! Things will get better :o)

                      PS: Love your monogram!

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