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HELP!!! Feeling pretty bad about asking my guests to spend all this money...


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#1 thefuturemrslutz

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    Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:07 AM

    Girls, I need your feedback!!!! Here is the deal...As a lot of you know, I am a newbie and am in the initial stages of finding a resort I love, then switching to another resort, then thinking I am selfish for asking people to spend $2000+ on my wedding, then back to being super excited about a completely different resort! You know the drill. Well, my best friend in the whole world, who was going to be my maid of honor this morning, sent me an email saying that she and her husband simply can't afford to come to my destination wedding. By NO means am I mad at her...at all. She was the one girl I was worried wouldn't be able to afford it. HOWEVER, she definitely struck my insecurities about being so selfish about asking people in this economy to spend all that money. Here are my questions to you girls:
    1) Is this the right thing to do?
    2) Have you guys thought this way before?
    3) What was the FIRST step you took in announcing your wedding? Did you send an email out to see what kind of response you would get? OR Did you just send out the save the dates with some kind of response deal?
    Thanks so much for listening to me vent through my tears . I would appreciate any advice (validation, ha) for my DW!!! And my FI just gave me the best advice and made me feel a lot better, but I would feel even better hearing it from other DW brides!

    Thanks girls!

    #2 mwcfarms

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      Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:14 AM

      Its your day and if this is what you want to do then go for it. As long as you know that some people may not be able to attend because of finances. I dont think that selfish is the right word. Believe me my MIL has made that comment to me a few times now. "Thats what happens when you plan a destination wedding people cant afford to come." I have learned to ignore her. We are having a reception at home for those that cant but this is what WE want to do. Your not being selfish just following your heart for a dream wedding in paradise or whatnot.

      We tentatively asked our closest friends and family members if they would be able to and want to come. As soon as we had that answered we booked. Now we sent out STD's to the rest of the people we are inviting and if they come great. If they cant because of finances so be it. Thats what AHR's are for. Good luck, plan your day, dont feel guilty. HUGS.

      #3 SusieQ

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        Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:29 AM

        Oh Hun... I know it hurts when people say no. I thought it through and talked it through with my FI the challenges of planning a DW and we made up our minds this is what we wanted. It is hard when you get the no' and the rude comments at times, try not to take it personal. I feel that if someone is making a rude comment behind my back or even in earshot they are really not someone I want at my wedding anyway...
        We understand not everyone will go and can afford to go, oh well I am still having the wedding I want.

        #4 *Lo*

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          Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:38 AM

          I think as long as you are understanding and realize that some people may not attend and you are ok with it, then don't be upset!!

          We made the decision, didn't worry about it and haven't looked back. Most people know about it and tell us they are excited. We are sending save the dates in the next month and so over the next little while we expect people who said they'd definitely be there, to probably bail out. And that's cool.

          I would rather have a super fun wedding of my dreams with people close to me who will definitely make the trip, than a wedding with tons of people in a boring banquet hall eating crappy food just so more people can afford it.

          Also if you give people plenty of notice and time to save I think most people could do it. Some still may not, but if even going to local weddings can be expensive. Your MOH would have to get a dress, shoes, hair done, wedding gift, possibly a hotel for a night. MOH's tell me they spend close to $800/900 for a local wedding so if they can do that they can go to your DW. In my opinion!

          #5 mich999

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            Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:45 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by mwcfarms

            We tentatively asked our closest friends and family members if they would be able to and want to come. As soon as we had that answered we booked. Now we sent out STD's to the rest of the people we are inviting and if they come great. If they cant because of finances so be it. Thats what AHR's are for. Good luck, plan your day, dont feel guilty. HUGS.
            That's exactly what we did. We took an informal poll of sorts and gauged people's reaction. If a significant number of people who we felt had to be at the wedding couldn't make it, we would have changed our plans, but it worked out. It's all about what you want and you have to decide who you really need to be there - you'll be surprised I think at the list you come up with - mine was a lot smaller than I anticipated and anyone else who could come was just a huge bonus.

            #6 thefuturemrslutz

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              Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:52 AM

              GREAT advice!!! Thanks so much! I will definitely start an "informal poll." I would definitely 10 or 15 of my closest to be there, than meeting hundreds of people for the first time on my wedding day! EXACTLY why we are doing destination!

              I see you are getting married at the Hilton Los Cabos...how do you like it? Is anything included in the price or is it pretty reasonable?

              THANKS SP MUCH AGAIN GIRLS!

              #7 Andi

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                Posted 16 September 2009 - 10:52 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by gossip girl
                I think as long as you are understanding and realize that some people may not attend and you are ok with it, then don't be upset!!

                We made the decision, didn't worry about it and haven't looked back. Most people know about it and tell us they are excited. We are sending save the dates in the next month and so over the next little while we expect people who said they'd definitely be there, to probably bail out. And that's cool.

                I would rather have a super fun wedding of my dreams with people close to me who will definitely make the trip, than a wedding with tons of people in a boring banquet hall eating crappy food just so more people can afford it.

                Also if you give people plenty of notice and time to save I think most people could do it. Some still may not, but if even going to local weddings can be expensive. Your MOH would have to get a dress, shoes, hair done, wedding gift, possibly a hotel for a night. MOH's tell me they spend close to $800/900 for a local wedding so if they can do that they can go to your DW. In my opinion!
                I think Lori summed it up well.

                Just remember that this is your day (well you and your FI) so if you have your heart set on a DW then do it. If it is really going to bother you that some people won't make it then don't have a DW. either way this is your decision.

                also because it is a DW and your wedding you can do whatever you want...for example we didn't even have a wedding party! it was just something that was not important to us. figure out what is important to you guys, stick with it and don't let other people try to talk you out of anything...bottom line it is your day.

                #8 vlynnw

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                  Posted 16 September 2009 - 11:06 AM

                  The girls are right, it is your wedding and you need to do what you want, and just understand that some people may not be able to make the trip. I definitely know where you are coming from, and I often feel the same way. However, it's my parents I'm worried about. They don't have a lot of extra income right now due to a law-suit they are in against my uncle (long story, very messy). So my entire goal is to make it as affordable and accommodating to them. As for getting an idea of who will be going once we got engaged we announced that we wanted a DW and just asked the people on our guests list (there are only about 20) what are plans are and if they think they would be able to make it. Almost everyone is on board (except for most of my family) so we will go ahead and send our STD's to those and then wait for our final count. Like gossip girl said, by giving enough notice to those you want to travel they will have ample amount of time to save up. Hope it all works out, just remember to do what's most important to you and your FI for your special day.
                  Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

                  #9 mich999

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                    Posted 16 September 2009 - 11:08 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by thefuturemrslutz
                    I see you are getting married at the Hilton Los Cabos...how do you like it? Is anything included in the price or is it pretty reasonable?

                    THANKS SP MUCH AGAIN GIRLS!
                    I actually got married there this past May. You can check out my review http://bestdestinati...om/forum/t43913 and let me know if you have any questions. We loved everything about the Hilton and can't wait ot go back, but that's true for lots of brides and their resorts on here : )

                    #10 bride2b10

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                      Posted 16 September 2009 - 01:48 PM

                      Hi Everyone,

                      I'm just going to echo what most people said. Initially we had the same concern about making people go and spend a ton of money for our wedding. However, our other option is the typical wedding with 200 of our closest acquaintances. We started casually polling our closest friends and family and are putting a reasonable cost of stay as a top priority. Of course you have to expect that even people who are close to you might not be able to make it but ultimately, people are going on vacation so chances are, once they are there, they'll love it.
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