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What to do when a friend is stealing your wedding ideas?


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#1 LowcountryGirl

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    Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:35 AM

    Okay! So, my fiance' and I started talking about wedding plans back in Jan and started a wedding idea book to capture some thoughts. A few months ago, one of my friends got engaged and was freaking out about where to start in planning her wedding. Being the good friend, I showed her my "idea" book to help her out. A few weeks later, she shows me her version of an "idea" book, which many things looked exactly like mine. Basically, I gave her all of her ideas for her wedding. Anything I mentioned, she took - including wedding site. Now, she's getting married a few months before me. I am trying to be a good friend but everything I show her, she takes. Anytime she mentions what she wants, I make sure I don't think about it. Even songs, etc. My fiance' is pretty upset about this because we have many, many friends in common - so my ideas will be seen first. I know we will have many overlapping things but some "special" things, I would like to just be ours. So, what am I suppose to do? Even her fiance' is saying this is going to turn out to be bridewars.

    HELP!

    #2 amygirl1169

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      Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:43 AM

      Wow, it really is a real-life version of Bride Wars! How rude!
      Definitely don't share anymore with her!!!

      #3 estella1007

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        Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:47 AM

        Thats tough. My best friend and I are getting married a week apart (we planned for this,) and are having similar issues. We actually laugh it off at this point. The reason is because we aren't intentionally "stealing" each others ideas. We just have very similar taste. After all, we are best friends for a reason. I'm sure its the same with your friend too. And when you really break it down, weddings all basically have the same elements. There is practically never anything that is completely original and never seen before. Trends in weddings go in and out, as do fashion and other things, so you tend to see a lot of the same ideas happening within a certain age group of brides. Because my friend and I are the same age, we ultimately chose a lot of similar things because of this too. Even the songs. She wanted to be announced to Stevie Wonder, For Once in my Life. I did too. I chose a different song so we don't have identical weddings! But I didn't chose it to "steal" her song. I just truly love it. Another example was that she wanted to make Bermuda "Dark N Stormy" drinks as her signature drink. I am doing Bermuda rum and personalized shot glasses as my favors, and was going to print out recipes for the Dark N Stormy on the favor tags. We never discussed either thing with each other, and somehow it came up last week. Its just funny how many things we are choosing that are the same, and REALLY, none of it is intentional.

        #4 Outdoor_girl1010

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          Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:48 AM

          I would just stop sharing the Information, so that way she can't keep taking your ideas.
          Cory & Jennifer
          March 13, 2010Punta Cana D.R.!!http://i150.photobuc....3/IMG_6740.jpg

          #5 mich999

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            Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:50 AM

            Just so I understand - after you planned your wedding, she stole your ideas and now is getting married at the exact same place as you 3 months earlier, even though she got engaged after you? I don't even know what to say about this. Have you thought about sitting down with them (both you and your FI) and going over some of the more egregious offenses? Some things are going to be similar and that's ok, but if you could pick your top one or two issues, what are they. Maybe if you could point to all the ideas you've helped her with that you don't care if she uses you can ask her to back off on one or two others. At the very least, like Amygirl said - don't tell her anything else. Anything else she asks about, just say you haven't decided what to do yet!!!

            #6 Lashawn

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              Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:56 AM

              Stop sharing your great ideas with her...OR give her fake info. if you are feeling devilish :)

              #7 ACDCDCAC

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              Posted 01 September 2009 - 11:01 AM

              wow! i have a good friend who planned her wedding after coming to ours, and a LOT of "her" ideas were more than similar to ours. but there was something different, like color scheme, location, etc. also she told anyone who would listen that she got the idea after coming to our wedding, so i always looked at it like a huge compliment, she liked our wedding SO much that she based her wedding off our ideas. i thought it was pretty cool!

              but i can see that your story is not quite the same, especially given that her wedding is before yours and you have a lot of the same friends, and it will make your wedding seem like you copied them, and not vice versa.

              i dont have any good advice, sorry, but i just wanted to say i feel for ya

              #8 LowcountryGirl

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                Posted 01 September 2009 - 11:10 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by estella1007
                Thats tough. My best friend and I are getting married a week apart (we planned for this,) and are having similar issues. We actually laugh it off at this point. The reason is because we aren't intentionally "stealing" each others ideas. We just have very similar taste. After all, we are best friends for a reason. I'm sure its the same with your friend too. And when you really break it down, weddings all basically have the same elements. There is practically never anything that is completely original and never seen before. Trends in weddings go in and out, as do fashion and other things, so you tend to see a lot of the same ideas happening within a certain age group of brides. Because my friend and I are the same age, we ultimately chose a lot of similar things because of this too. Even the songs. She wanted to be announced to Stevie Wonder, For Once in my Life. I did too. I chose a different song so we don't have identical weddings! But I didn't chose it to "steal" her song. I just truly love it. Another example was that she wanted to make Bermuda "Dark N Stormy" drinks as her signature drink. I am doing Bermuda rum and personalized shot glasses as my favors, and was going to print out recipes for the Dark N Stormy on the favor tags. We never discussed either thing with each other, and somehow it came up last week. Its just funny how many things we are choosing that are the same, and REALLY, none of it is intentional.
                I never thought about it in the way you described. Basically, we have the same taste and I really can't get upset nor can she. It is funny how things went from completely opposite and now they are similar - that's my only issue. Thanks for the different perspective!

                #9 LowcountryGirl

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                  Posted 01 September 2009 - 11:16 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by mich999
                  Just so I understand - after you planned your wedding, she stole your ideas and now is getting married at the exact same place as you 3 months earlier, even though she got engaged after you? I don't even know what to say about this. Have you thought about sitting down with them (both you and your FI) and going over some of the more egregious offenses? Some things are going to be similar and that's ok, but if you could pick your top one or two issues, what are they. Maybe if you could point to all the ideas you've helped her with that you don't care if she uses you can ask her to back off on one or two others. At the very least, like Amygirl said - don't tell her anything else. Anything else she asks about, just say you haven't decided what to do yet!!!
                  Well, I didn't plan the whole wedding - just had most of the ideas in a book. My boyfriend proposed in December but we weren't official till I got the ring a few weeks back. She got her ring first and was planning for 2 years from now. For a specific reason (not saying), they were motivated to move up their wedding which will now be 3 months before ours. The guys are the ones talking about us having bridewars and laughing about it. My friend and I have mentioned having similar things we like and laughing it off. Just hard to not think it's intentional. I could be wrong! Just a lot of things has happened to make me wonder.

                  #10 LowcountryGirl

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                    Posted 01 September 2009 - 11:20 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Abbie
                    wow! i have a good friend who planned her wedding after coming to ours, and a LOT of "her" ideas were more than similar to ours. but there was something different, like color scheme, location, etc. also she told anyone who would listen that she got the idea after coming to our wedding, so i always looked at it like a huge compliment, she liked our wedding SO much that she based her wedding off our ideas. i thought it was pretty cool!

                    but i can see that your story is not quite the same, especially given that her wedding is before yours and you have a lot of the same friends, and it will make your wedding seem like you copied them, and not vice versa.

                    i dont have any good advice, sorry, but i just wanted to say i feel for ya
                    Thanks for your response! If she was like your friend and gave me props, then I would be cool with it all.




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