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How to ask to be in the wedding if you are not sure they will be....


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#1 *HOLLY*

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    Posted 29 July 2009 - 02:24 AM

    Ok so im in a difficult situation. I know who I want to be my MOH and bridesmaids however I dont know who is coming or not. I have some friends saying yea Ill be there but I know they can back out since they havent put money on anything. I told my friends I dont expect to come on the cruise but if they can that would be great. My other thing is my FI has the same problem. We dont know who is going to our wedding or what. I need to get the bridesmaid dresses ordered by Labor Day weekend. How do you ask someone to be in a wedding, pay for a dress, and say I am not sure if you will be standing in the wedding or not. It all depends on who can make it. I do want a wedding party but its hard, ugh. If some can go and others cant do I make them ah honorary attendant at the AHR if they cant stand in my wedding? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    #2 JOSIE

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      Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:25 AM

      I was in a similar situation and I literally called my BM and just explained it to her. She was a close friend, afterall. I said "I really want you to stand up with me, but I didn't want you to feel obligated to come, so I wanted to check with you first to see how you are financially and to make sure that you know I completely understand if you cannot make it......just want you to know how important you are to me" In my case, she accepted, and several weeks later I formally asked her with a cute message in a bottle!

      Hope that helps, I'd just be honest!
      11.28.2009

      #3 ~Nicole~

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        Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:39 AM

        I agree with Josie. I made it clear what the cost was to come on the trip and had everyone think about it for a while and let it sink in (sometimes people are all excited and say "ya for sure" and then the reality kicks in). Then I formally asked them. I think as long as you're honest you can avoid disappointment and your WP will respect that about you. It also shows that you're considerate to their personal situation. Good luck!
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        #4 PaulsGirl

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          Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:46 AM

          I had exactly the same problem that you were having. Some of the girls that I was considering for the bridal party were on the fence about coming. I just talked to them about it, explained that I really wanted them to be a bridesmaid, but also understood if they coudn't make it and it was okay to decline.

          I found after I asked them to be bridesmaids though, that they jumped at the chance and it swayed their decision to come to the wedding!! Once they knew it was important for them to stand up with me, they are making every single effort possible to be there.

          I would just talk it out with them :)
          *** Lisa ***http://tickers.Ticke....886d/event.png
          Married my Best Friend on May 5,2010Bride, Groom & 48 Guests Attended!

          #5 IMPPEARL

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            Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:50 AM

            I agree with both, just be totally honest. That is what I did also, however I purchased the dresses for the girls as I felt I couldn't ask them to spend any more knowing things would be tight anyway if they came. (I also only spent like $35 on the dresses, so I didn't blow my budget) I ended up only having one girl who can not make it, (4 total are coming) the others said they wouldn't miss it! One of my best friends even ended up picking up a second job just so she could go!! I feel bad but it was her choice and I REALLY am glad she is coming!
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            #6 JOSIE

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              Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:58 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by IMPPEARL
              I agree with both, just be totally honest. That is what I did also, however I purchased the dresses for the girls as I felt I couldn't ask them to spend any more knowing things would be tight anyway if they came. (I also only spent like $35 on the dresses, so I didn't blow my budget) I ended up only having one girl who can not make it, (4 total are coming) the others said they wouldn't miss it! One of my best friends even ended up picking up a second job just so she could go!! I feel bad but it was her choice and I REALLY am glad she is coming!
              i also bought my girls their dresses, $25 dollars at JC Penny :) Very cute and took more burden off my girls!
              11.28.2009

              #7 Love3

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                Posted 29 July 2009 - 10:17 AM

                wow must be nice to have such good friends. No really. I am in the same situation. We can't ask anyone yet as we don't want to put them on the spot! I guess we wait it out, but we would really be happy with just us and our little men to be rig bearer's!!
                ~Heather~

                #8 *Nadine*

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                  Posted 29 July 2009 - 10:22 AM

                  I was going to say the same thing that Josie and Nikki said so I dont really need to say anything at all! I think most destination brides go thru this b/c you truly dont know who can/will make it to the wedding. Communication is key. And like Lisa said, if anything it would sway them even more to come to your wedding since they know they are so important to you. (It goes the opposite way too though, I was a MOH for a friend and she was 100%-her words- comign to my wedding, until i asked my wedding party and she wasnt in it.. now all of the sudden she can't come.. awesome).

                  #9 Jamaica0619

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                    Posted 29 July 2009 - 10:31 AM

                    My DH and I asked the three individuals we both wanted to stand up with us. We let them know that we would really like them there and that we would like them to be a part of the wedding party, but if they couldn't we would understand. Given the financial position all of my girls were in, I also let them know that I would cover thier dress, shoes and accessories for the wedding. So, they simply had to cover the travel, if they could. I had one BM who was unable to come, and I made her an honorary BM. My DH had two of the guys say they couldn't come.
                    Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. ~ Albert Camas

                    #10 *HOLLY*

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                      Posted 29 July 2009 - 10:35 AM

                      I cant afford to buy them dresses however the friends I want in the wedding came with to try on wedding dresses. They all looked around at dresses and found something they like. I plan on choosing a color and what ever style of dress they want they can get. I also can get them 10% off the dress at the store I bought my wedding dress at. I could always chip in a bit but not sure for the whole thing. The way I think is if they choose a dress they hopefully can wear it again. It doesnt have to be formal formal but light and breezy.
                      I could also say if they cant go I can try and sell their dress. If they dont go I still want them to be a part of the AHR. I would have them sit with us even if they didnt make it to St. Thomas.
                      My only thing is we need to order by Labor Day. I talked to a few of them and they are ok with it but I havent had a chance to talk to others. I want to send out a formal card to them how would you word it? My FI needs to send one out to his guys. Again how do you word something saying I want you in my wedding but I dont know if you will be standing next to us? Again I have explained it to some but I also want something formal and nice for them.

                      Another this is what if I have 4 bridesmaids show up to STUSVI and my FI only has 2. Do I make it an off center bridal party or do I have 2 bridesmaids sit down and the other 2 up there with me. Has anyone had an odd number of groomsmen and bridesmaid standing up?




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