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Perplexy

Stag n' Doe - to have, or not to have?

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For me... i didnt have a stag and doe.. for various reasons.. and if you want to make money off of ur friends for your wedding then go for it... the party and having a great time with friends is awesome.. but the whole "raising funds" in my opinion is a bit like.. hey we need money, come celebrate and spend ur money and when we get back well... thanks but no AHR for our gratitude... I dont mean that in a rude way at all.. they are fun but im not a fan for that reason.. especially if u have an AHR later and dont invite them.. thats like a slap in the face

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stag and doe is an event that people who are getting married put on so that they can raise funds for the wedding... sometimes they sell tickets to get into the event and then have games like 50/50 draw, poker, spoof games etc and then all of the proceeds that are made from that event are used towards the wedding.. a lot of canadians do it :)

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Originally Posted by courtney_b00 View Post
So what exactly is this? I don't think I have ever heard of it, or at least the term. I say if these happen where you live then go for it!
Sometimes they're called Buck n' Does too.

It's a party that the wedding party (or the couple themselves in some circumstances) throw before the wedding, often to help offset the ridiculous costs of a traditional wedding.

You sell tickets to anyone who'll buy them (customary at $10-$15 a piece) to get in, and play games that involve fundraising, sell booze, hold raffles etc. all night. The venue usually costs a pretty penny, so most of the money goes towards that, and the liquor licenses as well. The excess "profits" go towards to bride and groom.

Since traditional weddings usually cost an arm and a leg, and a torso too, I normally agree with the concept of fundraising at a stag n' doe. The bride and groom probably really need the help.

In our cases though, as DW brides, I sincerely doubt our DWs will top $10,000. I doubt mine'll even get close to that! So it does seem a little silly to ask people to come to a party to spend money which will ultimately go to the couple, when the wedding itself costs so little (in relative terms of course).

This may be my FI's and my first major disagreement! He's so gung-ho for letting his brother throw us one!

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It's interesting to see the different viewpoints on this. In my social network, this is completely acceptable and expected anytime someone gets married. I am never offended when asked to buy tickets, and now, they're even more expensive!! I've had 2 in the past year that are $50 per person just to get in (this includes alcohol though). I personally don't know how people afford traditional weddings these days (assuming they're paying for it themselves) so I never see anything wrong with these events. FI and I have had to bust our butts to be where we are today and throwing a traditional wedding was not an option to us financially.

 

So our wedding party wants to throw us a Stag n doe. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I think it would be great to have something to celebrate as its pretty much only our wedding party coming to Mexico with us and we cannot afford an AHR. On the other hand, I worry that people will judge us and think that we're trying to grab money from them. I don't know. I'm not having any other wedding events so I guess a part of me is thriving for some sort of wedding recognition.

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Originally Posted by Perplexy View Post
This may be my FI's and my first major disagreement! He's so gung-ho for letting his brother throw us one!
Ahh, that sucks that your FI really want's one and you don't. Luckily my DH and I were on the same page and both didn't want one. Can you tell him to tell his brother to just concentrate on having an awesome stag for him? That might be good enough for him if all he wants is a party.

I was a BM for a couple who had a DW and they had a buck n doe, and I am not lying when I tell you that hardly anyone showed up and they pretty much broke even. I had to go because I was a BM, but people were pissed that they were spending so much on going to the wedding and were "expected" to give them money at their buck n doe as well. Others didn't want to go because they were not going to the wedding, so they didn't want to give money towards it and not even be a part of it. Just an FYI, maybe you could tell your FI that and see what he thinks.

I think you should try to talk FI out of it, its really not something you should do when you are having a DW. That is just my opinion and that of people I talked to.

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We didnt have an AHR, and we only had 9 guests at our wedding. Originally we werent going to have a Buck n' Doe, but after some of our friends pestered us we caved. Ended up being a great time and raised us some $$. I dont think its tacky - people who want to come and spend money will or wont. No one's holding a gun to their head. We had a great turnout b/c of the no AHR thing.

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Please do not take any offense to this, but it says you are from Ingersoll, if that is the case, the smaller the town the more acceptable it is for some reason, people just love to go out and party and it does not matter what its for, DH is from Brussels and its the same thing, anywhere in Huron County can have a Buck and Doe on a holiday (last one was on Good Friday) and they still have a huge turn out and make money. I really do think it matters where you live and the age group of the people being invited. In bigger cities its not as well attended and people seem to be a lot more opinionated when you are having a DW and they are not attending it and are expected to spend money or are attending it and are expected to spend MORE money.

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This is JUST MY OPINION, but I think it would be pretty rude to have a stag and doe when you're having a DW. I don't love stag and doe's to begin with (the point of giving a wedding gift is to pay for your food and bev at the wedding...why do you need to give money at a stag and doe too??) but for DW's I really don't think it's appropriate. Your friends and loved ones are already forking out money to come to your wedding, and generally the cost of DW's are lower (not always, but if you choose to spend more that's your choice) so it just seems weird to me to throw a party asking for money.

 

Again, this is just my opinion...sorry if I pissed anyone off! I'm just against stag and doe's and I always have been.

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