Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
DarcyJAde

In a tough spot- do I fire a bridesmaid?

Recommended Posts

Strange how weddings change people! I've been noticing the same things...

 

Odd that she hasn't booked yet though, there's obviously something that's making her drag her feet... maybe she's strapped for cash and feeling frustrated about it??

The only way you'll know for sure is to have another heart to heart with her and try to hash things out.

 

Otherwise --->shots.gif

 

 

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I find it kinda strange that she hasn't booked yet. But then again, some of the people who I thought would jump to book our wedding are coming up with some totally lame excuses. I like the idea of giving her no responsibility and thinking of her as just as another guest. Who knows... maybe she won't even book. Then you could sell her dress to someone on BDW msnwink.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awww...it's such a bummer when things like this happen. I have read a few posts of girls in the same situation and I feel so bad for you all. I think all of the other "words of wisdoms" in this thread are great...the BDW brides always have such wonderful words of encouragement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since you already had the one on one with her I think its time to ignore her. Hopefully that will prompt her to ask you whats wrong and at that point tell her exactly how you feel. That's a strategy I have used and works most of the time, although you have those people that are chickens and never ask whats wrong and thats usually when I corner them after a while and tell them in a nice way if they haven't noticed that I've been totally ignoring them and then explain why. I'm not very good at keeping my feelings to myself for very long cause it just causes pent up frustration and why should you be so frustrated on your big day...I say give it a try.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wow that is a tough one. good luck with it. I dont have the best advise as I would have cut her off eons ago. I had a similar situation, friend for over 19 years and just like that--cut it off. Friends dont hurt you like that

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote:
Originally Posted by YoursTruly View Post
wow that is a tough one. good luck with it. I dont have the best advise as I would have cut her off eons ago. I had a similar situation, friend for over 19 years and just like that--cut it off. Friends dont hurt you like that
I have to agree with YoursTruly here.. I had a friend of 10 years plus that was supposed to be a BM; to make a very long story short - after trying to talk it out with her, I realized it wasn't worth the effort. We are no longer friends and she is absolutely not in or coming to the wedding. No one should have to ask a friend to be there for you; be supportive of your wedding or treat you with respect. That's the bottom line IMO.

If she hasn't paid for the trip yet and you bought her BM dress; have one more talk with her. Explain how you feel exactly like you did on here to us... If that doesn't work, then kindly explain that her behavior is not an okay way to treat a friend and that you would rather her not be in the wedding as it is causing you extra stress on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.

That is just my two cents here... I hope it all works out for you!
smile03.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki07 View Post
Hmmm.... I agree with what the other girls are saying that it would be awkward to fire her but I just wanted to bring another perspective here. In my recent experience with friends getting married, it seems like it changes people temporarily. I'm not saying its right because in my mind a true friend is supportive, etc, but I think some people have a really poor way of handling their emotions and it wouldn't matter what you did to try and get her to open up, she would still remain "negative". I think its a personality thing. As horrible as it is to have someone in your wedding party that truly doesn't seem interested, you may find that after the wedding she snaps back to her normal self. Would you be willing to mend your friendship then? I dunno, I'm not standing up for her, she's definitlely out of line, but its just something to think about. I hope it all works out for you.
Well, it would be tough to consider someone a friend if they weren't there for me during an extremely important time in my life. So if she started acting "nice" again after the wedding it would probably piss me off more!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep us posted as to what happens, as for me, I'm with YoursTruly and Sunsetbride1, I would have cut her off even if I do have to work with her. No one needs someone negative around them during such a beautiful and exciting time in their life. I would tell her during lunch what's going on and either she changes her attitude or you move on without her, doesn't sound like it would be much of a loss. Good Luck and Happy Planning.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She hasn't booked yet, I'd cut the cord. Seriously. 3 months out and she hasn't booked? What excuse is she giving you?

 

I have a similar situation. In my case, this girl has numerous other issues that I've been aware of for years now. The fact that she is acting less than enthusiastic most of the time about our wedding is a bit of a suprise though. She tries now and then, because she knows how she is coming across and knows that she should be acting more appropriate. Still, it shows and it's obvious. I have a hard time pretending not to notice...she's my MOH (interesting how it seems like these situations always involve that particular position), and I've been doing most of my wedding stuff/discussion with one of my other BM's.

 

I'm seriously thinking of just letting her off the hook. I don't want to let it fester and end up resenting her for her lack of enthusiasm or feeling like I'm dragging her into doing something she doesn't want to. I also have the feeling she'll be one of those last minute bookings...she's yet to rsvp at ALL, and I've talked to 4-5 tims since she got hers. She even called me to tell me how cute they were, then went through a b.s. discussion about BM dresses (her daughter is supposed to be a junior BM). So why would she not have rsvp'd by now? She claims she's going, has been to the web site and received the std. Just one of those peeps who thinks if they don't officially say they are coming, theres some loop hole in there. I'm not dealing with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People do tend to get freaked out over weddings - my best friend who I thought would stop at nothing to be at my side on my wedding day didn't even show up for my engagement party.

 

Whatever the reason for her attitude you don't deserve it. I agree with some of the other brides about talking to her about it but I would focus on the fact that she hasn't booked yet and you have paid for her dress so you would like some sort of commitment out of her (considering your wedding is in October I don't think its too much to expect her to be booked by now) . If she's not planning on going (which judging from your comments might be the case) it gives her the perfect opportunity to back out which saves you from having to "fire" her.

 

It probably won't be good for you relationship with her but if you let her stay in your wedding party it will eat you up inside and at the end of the day your friendship will suffer either way.

 

But that's just my opinion - its your wedding party and you have to do whatever makes you happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • After the wedding, the wedding dress purchased at a high price can be kept in the wardrobe, or it can be sold as a second-hand wedding dress for some cash. If you're in the market to sell your wedding dress or looking to buy a used one, you may be tempted to turn to large online marketplaces like Ebay and Craigslist. While these popular websites are great for listing and buying everyday purchases, a website specifically for used wedding dresses can probably offer you a better deal and a more user-friendly service for this very niche (and important) wedding day purchase.  Tips for Selling Used Wedding Dresses
      Whether you aren't the sentimental type or you're just savvy, selling your used wedding dress is an easy way to recoup some money from your wedding. If your dress is in good condition, consider listing it online over selling it to a thrift store, where your listing will reach a greater volume of potential buyers and can be more easily shared and promoted. A used wedding dress in great condition and under two years old can usually sell for 50 percent of the retail price. And, if your dress is a more recognizable brand like Oscar de la Renta or Vera Wang, you could make closer to 60 percent of its retail value. Even if your gown isn't designer, don't give up hope—since there's a large demand for all kinds of second hand wedding dresses, a designer label doesn't necessarily mean your dress will sell faster. Not to mention, mermaid dresses are also in high demand, so you shouldn't worry if you're not a sample size. Tips for Buying Used Wedding Dresses
      Buying a used wedding dress can be a bit of a gamble, but as long you're cautious, it's a thrifty way to snag a designer wedding dress for half the retail value. Plus, if you get lucky and buy a wedding dress from someone with a similar body type, you may not have to make too many alterations, which also cuts down on your costs. As long as the gown you found looks to be in good condition (if you can't see it in person, make sure photos show it clearly from all angles or ask to Skype with the seller to get a better look), a used wedding gown can be a terrific deal. A few tips: Since your dress will have to be custom-tailored to your body regardless, a larger size is easier to work with where alterations are concerned. Fabric can always be subtracted, but adding more fabric that perfectly matches the rest of the gown can be difficult (not to mention expensive!). And because you're getting the wedding dress for a steal, you can put some of the money you save toward making sure it fits like a glove (and some extra dry-cleaning if necessary).
    • When brides takes off her wedding dress and begins her marriage life,the first problem after wedding is to modify her name. You have a marriage license with your new last name, doesn't mean you've officially changed your name. Which aspects should be paid attention to to change the surname?
      1. Get your marriage license.
      Before you can change your name, you'll need the original (or certified) marriage license with the raised seal. Call the clerk's office where your license was filed to get copies if one wasn't automatically sent to you. 2. Change your Social Security card.
      Visit the Social Security Administration's website and fill out the application for a new Social Security card. You'll keep the same number—just your name will be different. Mail in your application to the local Social Security Administration office. You should get your new card within 10 business days. 3. Change your license at the DMV.
      Take a trip to the local Department of Motor Vehicles office to get a new license with your new last name. Bring every form of identification you can get your hands on—your old license, your certified marriage certificate and, most importantly, your new Social Security card. 4. Change your bank accounts.
      This one's a biggie, especially if you're setting up a joint bank account, or if you have one already set up. The fastest way to change your name at your bank is to go into a branch location, bringing your new driver's license and your marriage certificate. You should request new checks and debit and credit cards on top of changing the name attached to your accounts. Something to note: You might get hit with fees for requesting a new debit card. 5. Fill in the blanks
      Once you have a social security card and driver's license in your married name, other changes should be fairly easy. Some places only require a phone call; others may ask for a copy of your marriage certificate or social security card. Be sure to notify: -Employers/payroll
      -Post office
      -Electric and other utility companies
      -Credit card companies
      -Schools and alumni associations
      -Landlord or mortgage company
      -Insurance companies (auto, home, life)
      -Doctors' offices
      -Voter registration office
      -Investment account providers
      -Your attorney (to update legal documents, including your will)
      -Passport office
      -Airlines (to transfer over your miles)
    • Planning to get married? Let’s discover some great wedding venues in Bangalore. The increasing demand for the wedding venues in Bangalore makes it very difficult for both the bride’s and groom’s family to get hold of a marriage hall that is suitable for the marriage. As they say, marriages have to be organized in a grand fashion. The atmosphere and the ambiance of a wedding make it memorable for a lifetime. Though there are a plenty of wedding venues in Bangalore, there is only a handful of them that are really good, Offering the best possible experience.  Some of the most popular wedding venues in Bangalore are: THE TAMARIND TREE: Tamarind Tree has the old world charm. This is one of the best wedding venues in Bangalore that boast about its eco-friendly surrounding. Built in the middle of a few acres of garden filled with lush greenery and trees, which also includes the tamarind tree after which it was named, a pond, a stage for the band, classic looking pavilions for the guests to sit, and a lot of spaces around the area. The premise has two large kitchens with a very special fully stocked bar and a lot of space where the guests can dine comfortably. The place can accommodate up to 1000 guests. Customer Reviews : Address: 88, Kanakapura road, Anjanapura post, Avalahalli, Royal Park residency layout 2, 9th phase. JP Nagar, Bangalore 560062 THE COURTYARD HOUSE: The courtyard house is located off Sarjapur Road, the premise is a unique and unconventional property suited for various events, namely weddings. The outdoor space of courtyard house draws in people looking to get away from the traffic and noise in the city, well within the city limits. The green grass and tall trees make for great photographic backdrops making it popular for wedding events. Customer Reviews : Address: Janatha Colony, Gunjur Palya, Bengaluru 560087 RITZ-CARLTON:   The Ritz-Carlton has over 277 spacious rooms and suites and is one of the most luxurious hotels in Bangalore. Seven luxurious restaurants, the Ritz-Carlton spa, and tastefully appointed meeting spaces make it ideal to host marriage occasions. Customer Reviews : Address: 99, Residency Road, Shanthala Nagar, Ashok Nagar, Bengaluru 560025 BALAN FARM CONVENTION CENTER: Balan farm is a green, wooded island of peace and serenity nestled quietly in the busy rapidly developing JP Nagar. Neighboring the Brigade Millenium Apartments and L&T South city it spreads across two acres of an old orchard retaining the ancient fruit-bearing trees and landscaped gardens. Balan Farm convention center JP Nagar has over 10,000 sq ft of the tiled canopy without any walls blocking and it makes for a really good view. Customer Reviews : Address: 99/4, Nataraja Layout, JP Nagar 7th Phase, Bengaluru 560078 HYATT MG ROAD: Hyatt a 5 Star hotels in Bangalore is located on MG Road. The guest rooms are colorful with a great view of the city, this makes it an ideal place for private ceremonies with 2300 sq ft of meeting and event space. The Hyatt MG road, Bangalore also has restaurants like the Pink Poppadom, Liquid Lounge, and Bar. Customer Reviews : Address: 1/1, Swami Vivekananda Road, Someshwarpura, Ulsoor, Bengaluru 560008 BUNGALOW 7 Bungalow7 offers a unique setting for a wedding, pre-wedding and post-wedding functions. The place hosts a variety of public and private events all within a stunning heritage setting of central Bangalore. Customer Reviews : Address: 7, Hall Road, Richards Town, Bengaluru 560005 GAYATRI VIHAR MANTAPA: Gayatri Vihar is one of the most luxurious wedding halls situated on Palace ground. It boasts of a massive one lakh sq ft area which can easily accommodate up to 5000 guests. The ambiance of the place makes it ideal for community gatherings and private parties. Customer Reviews : Address: Jayamahal Palace Ground, Bengaluru 560080
    • My best friend is getting married with his long-term girlfriend next month. As a best friend, I want to give them the best present they would ever receive on their special day. I am planning to buy them plane tickets and book them for a one week trip abroad. However, I am torn between Ukraine ski trip and a tour to Lima, Peru. My best friend loves skiing and his future wife is a chef, so I presume she would want to experience a Peruvian taste. Now, I am confused. Which is which? I would appreciate it if you guys will leave a comment to help me out with this. Suggesting a way better idea which will accommodate the two activities for the soon-to-be wedded couple is a big help too. Thanks!    
    • Hello all!! I'm getting married next week. Every arrangement has been done by my sister for my special day. When I joined in an MNC I was troubled with severe headaches and as per my colleague's instruction, I took an appointment in a nearby eye clinic. And after an eye examination in Toronto, the eye specialist diagnosed hypermetropia in me. And the doctor prescribed eyeglasses for me. The doctor suggested me to wear eyeglasses during the working time. But I used to wear it sometimes not every day. Then I was troubled with severe eye strain and headache and mom was scolding me to wear eyeglasses every day. I thought of saying goodbye to eyeglasses forever. I'm planning for a Lasik eye surgery soon before my marriage. I don't know whether I'm eligible for Lasik eye surgery. I'm tensed about its recovery time and its complications. Can someone help me by sharing your views?  
  • Topics

×