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#11 *JillD*

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    Posted 08 May 2009 - 08:06 AM

    I'm sorry Vikki, I know it must be hard, but you were able to turn your life around and that means so much more than a few friendships.

    and you're right, you're extended family and your mom's friends will be happy to be there and support you.

    If it makes you feel any better, I have the group of friends like sex in the city, and none of them came to my DW. (one of them had just had twins, the other two really had no excuse.) And that really hurts too, to have those friends, that don't really feel like friends at the most important time in your life.

    I'd come to your shower if I was near you :)

    #12 YoursTruly

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      Posted 08 May 2009 - 11:24 AM

      Sometimes for all the friends you may have when it comes down to it, very few are your real friends aftre all, to which a lot of us can attest. At the same time the most important nucleus is you and FI, I still maintain that no one is an island to themselves so take this as a new opportunity to get out there and make some new friendship! Follow your gut and I wish you well with your wedding. Don’t stress and enjoy the time with your family! Don't sweat the small stuff….

      #13 Hartyt509

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        Posted 08 May 2009 - 11:31 AM

        I know how you feel most of my friends are male and 100% of them have all told me not to do this because it's not right for me lol

        2 of them are coming to my wedding and that is it - others have let me down left right and centre and worse of all none of FI's friends or family are coming and I know he is secretly gutted because he always wanted a big wedding.

        You don't need a shower or any of that crap - you do what you want to do and if you don't want one don't have one chick

        #14 Kristy!

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          Posted 08 May 2009 - 11:33 AM

          Have you considered a co-ed shower? We did a luau theme for my brother and his now-wife and it was so much fun.

          #15 jk1101

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            Posted 08 May 2009 - 11:34 AM

            Hi Vikki -
            Just wanted to add my 2 cents and a virtual hug - I've cut off several long term friends that were just not good people for me to have in my life.

            I've also decided not to have a bridal party, but when I see pictures of brides with their "girls" I think "Oh they look so pretty"....but I think my friends would disown me if I told them they were bridesmaids now.

            If you have a smaller social circle, but they are good people that are good for you, that's the most important thing. It's the quality of the company you keep, not the quantity....if you've turned your life around and are in love - focus on that and on the good things in life - not about who can't come to a shower or a wedding. As my mom says, "If they don't come, they don't have to go home."

            #16 KristinaM

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            Posted 08 May 2009 - 11:39 AM

            Congratulations on turning your life around-- that's what is #1-- making the decision and sticking with them is totally commendable.

            I was going to suggest the same thing as Kristy... I think Jack and Jill style engagement party/showers are more and more common these days. This way you can be there to support eachother, share the spotlight and invite anyone who you want to be there despite their sex!


            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Kristy!
            Have you considered a co-ed shower? We did a luau theme for my brother and his now-wife and it was so much fun.


            #17 BillysBride

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              Posted 10 May 2009 - 09:21 PM

              My sitch is different, but I have a similar problem anyway.

              My friends are very scattered due to the nature of how I've spent my life the past few years. Having four kids at once SEVERELY cuts down on your social time, and truly focuses your attention on people and choices that may have been impacting you in a negative way. Not to mention, people who aren't "real"...you figure it out pretty quick because they stop coming around.

              My biggest circle of friends has ended up coming from the sites I run....these are girls I've had an opportunity to physically hang out with at most 2-3 times in the past few years. Not a lot. But we talk all the time, and email daily. They are no less my friends just because we don't live in the same cities. Of my bridal party, I have one person I've known for ten years that I used to work in my old office with, then my cousin. The rest are women I've met via my online business. lol Some might think of that as strange, but these girls have been AMAZING in the ways they have been there for me when people I know who live virtually down the street from me haven't.

              I say...don't feel self conscious or like you're lacking something just because your friends are guys. So what? If you ask, I'm sure they will come through for you. And ...asking your gay friend to be a part of your celebration and planning isn't rubbing his face in it. I know he's going through a rough time, but I'm willing to bet he would be horrified if he knew you were...stifling your own excitement to keep from hurting him. Have a little faith..and you said it yourself, it's a transitional time for him. He'll wake up one day realizing that while his life won't be traditional, he still has options when it comes to getting married. If you leave him out of this just because you don't want to hurt his feelings, you may both regret it forever.

              As far as bridal showers? Overrated. lol I have no idea if I'm having one, and to be honest, if nobody throws one for me, I don't think I'll be terribly upset at all. MAKE YOUR OWN TRADITION...do a night out with your guy friends and celebrate your upcoming wedding in a way that fits your group..not something that is just "supposed" to be what you do.
              Savannah

              http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
              http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

              #18 Prettyhazardous

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                Posted 12 May 2009 - 09:37 PM

                OK My situation is a little diff from everyone else's.But I'm glad we have BDW friends to vent to.... I don't think I'd tell anyone else this...
                I have always had lots of females friends. Mainly because I went to an all girl high school and due to my sorority. When I met my FI I was in my last semester of undergrad and I was planning to attend grad school , but decided that I wanted to build a foundation for my relationship so instead of going to grad school like all of my friends I decided to move out on my own and start my career. Now I regret that decision bc all my sorors are finishing grad school and law school and med school blah blah blah and I only have a ba and make like no $$$. So I kinda just stay in the house and focus on my relationship. I've let myself gain so much weight and I truly think I'm depressed.

                I have so many ppl who want to be in my wedding but I just went with one close friend and my sister and my cousin. I just feel bad that I don't interact with my friends and especially my sorors yet they're willing to pay all this $$$ to go to my wedding. I should be so grateful yet I sit in the house night after night feeling like a fat pig!!!!

                #19 chocolatedrop04

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                  Posted 12 May 2009 - 11:38 PM

                  Hey ladies, I'm in the same boat. I have 1 best friend and she lives in a different state and is also engaged and just had a baby. Me and my fiance joke that I'm going to be like the movie "I love you man". I have a lot of people I know but nobody else who I am really close with and would ask to be in the wedding. I've always wanted the "sex in the city" clique of friends too! lol

                  I do agree that a co-ed shower seems like a great solution. It might not make you completely forget about not having a posse but at least you won't feel alone and like someone said you have the support and love from your fiance. I know that always makes me feel better!

                  I wish you luck! and congrats!

                  Maybe all the BDW Brides in the same city can get together and have our own very magnificent, "sex in the city-ish" kind of Bridal Showers




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