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Newly Divorced Parents, Dad's new girlfriend=DRAMA!


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#11 boscobel

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    Posted 04 May 2009 - 08:14 PM

    Yeah, that's how I read it too (g/f called ex-wife). But really, this isn't about the dad OR his new girlfriend, it's about the original poster and her fiance. So I think it's really rude of her dad to make this situation happen after barely being divorced for 6 months. I know that people break up and move on, but be tactful about it and don't force acceptance. It will happen when people are ready, and a wedding vacation isn't really the best time for that.

    I think you should just call your dad and be truthful about it. That you are happy that he's happy, but it's really not the best time to start "family" vacations with the new g/f. Hopefully, he will have enough respect for you and your FI (and possibly your mom!) that he will realize that it's just too stressful a situation. If he doesn't, you will have to weight the stress of having him and his g/f there against the stress of getting married without your father there. I am really sorry you are in such a sucky situation and I really hope that there is a good solution for you! Let us know how it goes if you talk to him about it.

    #12 jawedding

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      Posted 04 May 2009 - 09:27 PM

      Ahhhh this must be so hard for you! Being that he's your parent, it's hard to be strong (and you ultimately HOPED he would do the right thing).. however..

      BE STRONG with him. NO she is not invited.. this is your day (and frankly, it's your mom's day in a way too).. above all things you should be comfortable, and in this situation, you are WILDLY in the right.

      and don't feel bad about her already buying tickets. They didn't feel bad about buying the tickets knowing how you felt (or without making sure). It was an inconsiderate gesture (inconsiderate of YOU, and probably a jab at your mom too).. regardless, you are SO in the right to tell your dad that she is not welcome (for the vacation OR the wedding), and he should be embarassed for not realizing it and doing the right thing.. it might be hard for you, but be strong, and firm. You'll be way happier having a 'mad dad' than a bitchy new girlfriend and an emotional mom at your wedding!
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      #13 TammyWright

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      Posted 04 May 2009 - 09:33 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by bobbysgirl
      I don’t know if I completely agree with all of you. Imagine how the girlfriend feels. She is dating a man (who she very well may see a future with) and his EX called her and told her not to have anything to do with his kids?! Wouldn’t that piss you off?! I agree her response was harsh and hurtful and she should apologize. My FI only gets to see his kids once a week because his EX doesn’t want them to have anything to do with his girlfriend. If you put your foot down and tell your dad you don’t want her there, where does it end? What about holidays? I know weddings are all about the bride and everyone says this is “your” day but don’t you think your father has been looking forward to walking his little girl down the aisle since you were born? This is as much of an event for him as it is for you. If the new girlfriend is the one he wants to share this moment with why not allow it? I know you want to protect your mom, and you don’t want her to be emotional at your wedding but I think you should take everyone’s feelings into consideration. I think you should talk to your mom and ask her to be more accepting rather than excluding someone that is important to your dad.

      This is just my opinion from my experience being the excluded girlfriend. We are planning on sharing the rest of our lives together and I still haven’t met his kids...it’s been 3 years!
      i think the gf called the mother AND even if the mom did say that she did not want the gf to be around the kids, it does not warrant the gf calling the mom and calling her names like whore, bitch etc....and then wanting to go to the wedding where she is not wanted by the bride and bride's mom (for good reason)...sounds pretty ridiculous to me of the gf.

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      #14 WAJA2009

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        Posted 05 May 2009 - 12:14 AM

        Everybody, thanks for your responses. Just to clarify, my mother never called the girlfriend, she told my father this and my father then told the girlfriend. My mother didn't want her around my younger siblings because of another situation and out of anger my mother told my father that the children did not have to be around the girlfriend if they don't want to and she didn't feel comfortable with them being around her either. The girlfriend then felt the need to call my mother and curse her out. Now I understand the girlfriend being mad and feeling excluded, I was once the girlfriend who was left out, but I never disrespected the mother of my fiance's child, despite how much she doesn't like me. The fact that the girlfriend called my mother (and emailed her) and spewed such hate for her left a bad taste in my mouth and obviously my mother's.

        I agree with the previous poster about putting an end to this mess at some point, but the wedding is not the place to heal broken wounds. My father needs to let her in our lives slowly then eventually, if the love is true and she proves that she isn't this mean spirited b*tch, she'll be accepted.

        Now I gotta face my dad. I'll let you know how it goes...

        #15 DGG

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          Posted 05 May 2009 - 12:39 AM

          Good luck talking to your father. I am going through sort of similar stuff with my dad - hopefully your dad will handle it well and will understand. I have been fighting with my dad about this stuff and it really hurts to have my father not thinking of me more at my wedding. It is not about your dad or who HE wants there - it is Your and FI's day and no one should be there that you are not comfortable with.
          I hope everything goes well with talking to your dad.

          #16 RoryS

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            Posted 05 May 2009 - 08:38 AM

            Does your Dad know what his gf said to your Mom? Maybe he's only hearing one side of the story (hers), and doesn't know what went on. Also, when you told him use your discretion - he probably thought it was ok. Men don't read between the lines very well...
            Would it help if his gf apologized to your Mom? We sometimes say things in the heat of the moment and then later on regret them? Would it help if the relationship could be thawed out a bit before the wedding? Perhaps you and your Mom would feel more comfortable. It's still not an ideal situation, but I'm sure you want your Dad to be there and it is it possible he could take gf's side and not attend? Is his gf a reasonable person?

            #17 WAJA2009

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              Posted 05 May 2009 - 09:09 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by RoryS
              Does your Dad know what his gf said to your Mom? Maybe he's only hearing one side of the story (hers), and doesn't know what went on. Also, when you told him use your discretion - he probably thought it was ok. Men don't read between the lines very well...
              Would it help if his gf apologized to your Mom? We sometimes say things in the heat of the moment and then later on regret them? Would it help if the relationship could be thawed out a bit before the wedding? Perhaps you and your Mom would feel more comfortable. It's still not an ideal situation, but I'm sure you want your Dad to be there and it is it possible he could take gf's side and not attend? Is his gf a reasonable person?
              My Dad would never not attend because of his girlfriend. The most that would happen is she would stay home and he would be bitter about it. My mother would love an apology but honestly, I don't think an apology will make her more at ease. She still loves with my father from what I can tell so the mere fact that he is bringing his girlfriend to flaunt will pain her. My mother will have to overcome her feelings eventually. I just don't want the wedding to be the place where she has to confront her feelings.

              Also, I totally agree about men not being able to read between the lines. My dad told me that I should have flat out said "no" and he would have respected my decision but for some odd reason I thought he was sensible enough to know that use your discretion=don't be a selfish ass and leave your chick at home! lol. Guess I had to flat out say that. I still haven't talked to him yet.

              #18 Amarillis

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                Posted 05 May 2009 - 09:58 AM

                Wow.. this is a terrible situation to be in. Obviously this day is all about you and your family.... I can believe that the tension between her and your mom is real, and that she is totally disrespectful to your mom (this obvoiusly doesn't make it right).

                But in going to the wedding, uninvited, this girlfriend of your dad's isn't disrespecting your mom... but rather you. If she is any kind of 'girlfriend' to your dad, I would assume that she would want to start a relationship with you... and respecting you would be the first step...

                Keep us posted.... and hang in there!

                #19 KristinaM

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                Posted 05 May 2009 - 10:38 AM

                This is such a terrible situation for you to be in.
                All of the other girls gave you great advice and I agree that the girlfriend should NOT come. Just make it clear to your dad that you're not trying to be malicious but its not fair to make everyone uncomfortable after what she did to your mom.
                Good luck and let us know how it goes.

                #20 JanJan84

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                  Posted 05 May 2009 - 10:56 AM

                  I am new on this site but read your post and I am truly sorry you have to think about this when your getting ready for your special day. I agree with many of the others. You should be up front with your father. You should tell him dad I love you and mom and I respect both of you but this is my special day and I want everyone I love to be happy as long as that does not mess up my happiness on this day. Your new girlfriend does not respect my mother and therefore, I do not want her at my wedding. You are a grown man dad and I can't tell you what to do but I am asking you as your daughter to respect my wishes. Your girl friend is more than welcome to come with you out here but she cannot come to my wedding festivities.

                  Sorry I get a little carried away when I talk. I'm not telling what to say I just was giving you a little dialouge that might help. I hope all goes well




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