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Newly Divorced Parents, Dad's new girlfriend=DRAMA!


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#1 WAJA2009

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    Posted 04 May 2009 - 02:32 PM

    I know you guys give great advice so I'll try to make this long story short....

    Background info
    My parents just recently got divorced (Sept) and my mother is still not over it. My father who is 50 is dating a younger woman (32) and of course he's eager to show her off. She has called my mother and told her she was a slut, whore etc because my mother told my father she "didn't want the girlfriend around her children" (I have 3 siblings). She never apologized for this and my mother is still salty about the fact she called her these names.

    The problem
    At first my father wanted to bring his girlfriend to my wedding and I told him from the very beginning that it was not a good idea because my mother would be uncomfortable, which would make me uncomfortable, and I don't want my mother to be uncomfortable at my wedding. I never actually told him no I just told him to "use his discretion". Later on he told me that she would not be able to come anyway, so I was relieved since I really did not feel comfortable with her being there. Then, over this past weekend, my father told me that his girlfriend IS coming and she already bought tickets. I AM FURIOUS!!!

    This woman is not his wife or mother of his children, she's just his girlfriend. A girlfriend I barely know, thus she is of no importance in my life. My mother is going to be upset and emotional at the wedding and any other festivities that the girlfriend will attend and this just cannot happen. I would to believe that my mother will not be emotional because of this, but its not a realistic thought. I know she will. She is not good at holding in her emotions.

    What should I do now since the girlfriend already bought tickets? My wedding is in June.

    #2 BachataBride

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      Posted 04 May 2009 - 02:41 PM

      Oh sweetie...I feel so bad for you. I can just imagine what sort of stress this is putting on you. My parents (and my dad's gf) are civil towards each other so it was tolerable.
      I would tell her she's more than welcome to go on the vacation with your dad - you can't really stop that. But put your foot down & tell your dad she is NOT invited to your wedding or wedding events! If it was just a new girlfriend (who was nice) then maybe you could consider it - but with the verbal assault she gave to your mom I would say absolutely NO! You or your mom should not have to deal with that on your wedding day (or the events surrounding).
      Good Luck hun.


      #3 Chiquita

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        Posted 04 May 2009 - 02:49 PM

        I agree with BachataBride. She's more than welcome to go on vacation with your dad but she is NOT invited to any sort of wedding event. PERIOD.

        I would make sure your father clearly understands that.

        #4 McToasty

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          Posted 04 May 2009 - 02:52 PM

          wow that's BAD. my parents recently divorced and my dad is with (and has been with) another person for awhile. but that's nothing compared to your dad's new gf!!! who does she think she is?! it doesn't seem like she's concerned at all about anyone other than herself and possibly your dad.

          i agree with the other brides.. she can go to the resort, but definitely not the ceremony and other wedding events. that's HORRIBLE. i'd be SOOOOOO pissed off.

          #5 Kat81

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            Posted 04 May 2009 - 02:57 PM

            I agree that she in no way should be a part of your wedding. This is YOUR day and she is just going to start a bunch of drama. I say leave it as is. OR have your Mom find some hot stud to bring!

            #6 boscobel

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              Posted 04 May 2009 - 03:04 PM

              Hmmmmm. I kinda agree, but I think that he shouldn't bring her on the vacation. He should realize how this will make the whole family uncomfortable and not put you in this position. I know it's their vacation, and usually I am all about people bringing random guests and the guests just not being invited to the wedding related events. However, this isn't "people", this is your Dad. If this woman is excluded from wedding related events, that will only minimize the tension, but it won't be completely gone. This means that she won't be at the 4 hours the wedding reception is (or however long), but she will be at the pool/bar/restaurant/wherever for the entire length of time. I just think that he shouldn't put that on anyone when the divorce is so fresh.

              I almost think that it would be better if NEITHER of them came rather then dealing with the drama of having the new g/f there.

              #7 litl_april

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                Posted 04 May 2009 - 03:10 PM

                I'm so very sorry you're having to deal with this. I agree with what the others have said. You in no way have to tolerate this girlfriend of your dads at your wedding or any wedding related events. You need to talk to your dad and tell him it hurts you (or frustrates, or angers, or whatever feeling you're feeling...maybe all of them!) that he would think it's ok for this woman to come to the wedding. She can vacation with your dad, but the wedding festivities are not a part of that vacation. Good luck, hon! Keep us posted.

                #8 TammyWright

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                Posted 04 May 2009 - 05:05 PM

                i think it is a little insensitive of your dad to bring his gf to the trip but since you never really told him it was a problem, he probably took that as a green light from you.

                since she bought the ticket, i would talk to your dad and explain that you are not comfortable with her going BUT if she has to, she is NOT INVITED to any of the wedding festivities. make this very clear to him.

                i can't believe this b**** would even want to go after what she said to your mother....

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                #9 bobbysgirl

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                  Posted 04 May 2009 - 05:45 PM

                  I don’t know if I completely agree with all of you. Imagine how the girlfriend feels. She is dating a man (who she very well may see a future with) and his EX called her and told her not to have anything to do with his kids?! Wouldn’t that piss you off?! I agree her response was harsh and hurtful and she should apologize. My FI only gets to see his kids once a week because his EX doesn’t want them to have anything to do with his girlfriend. If you put your foot down and tell your dad you don’t want her there, where does it end? What about holidays? I know weddings are all about the bride and everyone says this is “your” day but don’t you think your father has been looking forward to walking his little girl down the aisle since you were born? This is as much of an event for him as it is for you. If the new girlfriend is the one he wants to share this moment with why not allow it? I know you want to protect your mom, and you don’t want her to be emotional at your wedding but I think you should take everyone’s feelings into consideration. I think you should talk to your mom and ask her to be more accepting rather than excluding someone that is important to your dad.

                  This is just my opinion from my experience being the excluded girlfriend. We are planning on sharing the rest of our lives together and I still haven’t met his kids...it’s been 3 years!

                  #10 stefnicole

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                    Posted 04 May 2009 - 05:54 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by bobbysgirl
                    I don’t know if I completely agree with all of you. Imagine how the girlfriend feels. She is dating a man (who she very well may see a future with) and his EX called her and told her not to have anything to do with his kids?! Wouldn’t that piss you off?! I agree her response was harsh and hurtful and she should apologize. My FI only gets to see his kids once a week because his EX doesn’t want them to have anything to do with his girlfriend. If you put your foot down and tell your dad you don’t want her there, where does it end? What about holidays? I know weddings are all about the bride and everyone says this is “your” day but don’t you think your father has been looking forward to walking his little girl down the aisle since you were born? This is as much of an event for him as it is for you. If the new girlfriend is the one he wants to share this moment with why not allow it? I know you want to protect your mom, and you don’t want her to be emotional at your wedding but I think you should take everyone’s feelings into consideration. I think you should talk to your mom and ask her to be more accepting rather than excluding someone that is important to your dad.

                    This is just my opinion from my experience being the excluded girlfriend. We are planning on sharing the rest of our lives together and I still haven’t met his kids...it’s been 3 years!
                    From what I'm getting, her mother never called the new GF. The GF called the mom.




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