31 replies to this topic

[jk1101]

He knew the cats were part of my "package"
We all moved in together 7 weeks ago.
It's been an adjustment for all of us, including the cats, who used to sleep with me. My female has been crying at night, keeping FI up, and he is not happy with all the fur all over the house. He is an animal person, but not an "animal in my house" person. He says he thought he could deal with it, but he can't. HIS suggestion to the issue is for me to get an apartment with the cats so I can keep them and visit them whenever I want...I just moved out of my apartment to live with him...
THeir food and water and litter are in the basement and I'm ok with putting them in there at night, but now he's saying that that's not good enough. I'm really not sure what to do now. He's not understanding that we're still in an adjustment period and it's going to take her a while to get used to the new living arrangements.
I do have someone I totally trust to take them if it comes to that, with the ability to take them back if I want to. It's the only person I trust them with that I know will love them and care for them as much as I do. When I told FI that I was going to give them up, then he said he didn't want me to do that...that he didn't want to cause me all this pain...hes all over the place, I'm all over the place...I've been crying all day about this.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this before? Any advice, experience..words of wisdom

[Geralyn]

I went through the same thing...I had a cat and FI didn't like cats and is allergic to them. I did not want to get rid of the cat. FI started getting allergy shots about 6 months before we moved in together. Now my cat has his own room that he mostly stays in but he does also have freedom to go arounf the house...just not in the bedroom(I too used to sleep with my cat)...everything has turned out fine...FI hasn't had any allergy problems and I got to keep my cat...hope everything works out for you guys.

[CaboBride2010]

Not to be mean, but if your FI knew your cats were part of the "package" then it is not fair to get upset to the point where he doesnt even want your cats in the house now, KWIM?? Also, I wouldnt suggest just putting the cats somewhere on their own and "visiting" them, since this is what my stepmom had to do with her kids kittens when my dad moved in and now the poor kittens dont have the same personality anymore and its so sad to see So I would just say that he should give them a bit longer to see if he can get used to them, because they are your fur babies and its not fair at all for him to just want them to live somewhere else.

Relationships are all about compromises so I hope between the two of you you can come up with one for the sake of your kitties!!

[KLC77]

I think he should give it a little more time. My DH is allergic to cats and I have two. It took the cats a while to adjust to not sleeping in the bedroom with me. One of them would bang into the door for hours trying to come in. It was so hard for me to leave him out there! But, now they're both fine with it. Just make sure you vacuum every day to control the hair. When dh and I started dating he knew about the cats and I would never get rid of them, even if I had someone who would take them. Having a pet is a life long responsibility.

[CaboBride2010]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseykitten THeir food and water and litter are in the basement and I'm ok with putting them in there at night, but now he's saying that that's not good enough.

Wow ok i just re-read your original post and this caught my eye! I think that is very upfront and abrupt of him to say something isnt good enough when you are trying to make the situation better for everyone. Has he even given your suggestion of having their stuff in the basement and keeping them downstairs at night a fair chance

[jk1101]

THank you. It helps to know I'm not the only one to go through this.
THey can't go outside as they're declawed. They've been in the basement a lot lately, but my female cries so much from there - she is used to being around people....I'm hoping if we can just put them in the basement at night and let them be around during the day it will be ok.

I know it will take more time - he is just being stubborn.

[CaboBride2010]

I actually think having them live between your place and your friends will be the most traumatizing for your cats..

[Jennifer Davis]

If your friend comes and gets your cats on Thursday, that's the same as letting your fiance win. I think he owes you to give it a real shot. Stand your ground. Don't let giving your furbabies away be an option. He'll get used to them. Just need to give it time and he needs to accept that you come with cats.

Isn't the cardinal rule of relationships that you need to love someone for who they are and not try to change them? If you are a cat person and he knew this before you guys moved in together, then he needs to give this a real shot and not reneg on bringing in the cats and realize that these are your pets and that you love them.

[CaboBride2010]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer Davis If your friend comes and gets your cats on Thursday, that's the same as letting your fiance win. I think he owes you to give it a real shot. Stand your ground. Don't let giving your furbabies away be an option. He'll get used to them. Just need to give it time and he needs to accept that you come with cats. Isn't the cardinal rule of relationships that you need to love someone for who they are and not try to change them? If you are a cat person and he knew this before you guys moved in together, then he needs to give this a real shot and not reneg on bringing in the cats and realize that these are your pets and that you love them.

I totally agree! I was trying to think of a nice way to say it and Jennifer you put if perfectly! I was thinking that if you let your fiance win on not having the cats live with you anymore, what does this open the door to in the future? Stand your ground for sure.

[1elephant]

having a pet is a lifelong commitment and i think your fi needs to understand that before he forces you to make a decision that you're uncomfortable with. imo, if my dh knew that cats were part of the deal, i'd sacrifice a little - not letting them sleep w/ me, for example - but wouldn't budge much further....