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MIL issues...


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#1 gettinghitched2010

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    Posted 17 March 2009 - 10:30 AM

    Well I have been with my FI for 17 years. I used to get along great with his mother but we had a fall out last year. We went to a party and she told a good friend of mine that I was going to be an ugly bride because I gained 25 pounds. When my friend told me I went off the deep end. We hate this huge fight at the party and I left. My FI didn't know what happened because he was outside. When people told him I was yelling at his mother he tried looking for me but I was already gone. he called and wanted to know what happened. I told him, he yelled at his mother and left as well. The party was two blocks from our house. I have yet to speak to his mother. So we sent out our STD and she told him she wasnt coming to the wedding. No sweat off my back but he really wants her there. She told him she would only go if I apologize to her. i refuse to do that. I wasn't wrong. she is very rude.

    My FI is begging me to apologize. It definitely would not be from the heart.

    What would you do?? HELP ME PLEASE....

    #2 trance_angelx0x

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      Posted 17 March 2009 - 10:41 AM

      Umm no. Sorry, you shouldn't be apologizing. It's effing rude to say someone is an ugly bride. I don't understand why your FI is asking you to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Maybe having a huge fight in front of everyone wasn't the greatest idea but when girls are pissed we usually just flip out and don't think straight. If your MIL was ready to apologize for calling you an ugly bride, then maybe both of you could apologize for the huge fight thing.

      Still in my head I'm just like what a friggin bitch! Ugh, that's the rudest thing I've heard in a while! So sorry this happened to you, you really don't deserve the aggravation. PS: I'm sure you are a lovely bride.

      #3 missdanelle

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        Posted 17 March 2009 - 10:46 AM

        I agree.. If anyone should be apologizing it should be her. That is a horrible thing to say about someone let alone your FDIL. Im sorry but your FI needs to stick up for you in this situation with his mom and tell her that she was in the wrong. That is a very hurtful thing to say & by no means do you need to be the first one to apologize.

        #4 gettinghitched2010

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          Posted 17 March 2009 - 10:49 AM

          She thinks she did nothing wrong. She says that is her opinion and she can speak her mind. We live in a free country. In that case, so can I..

          #5 Jen_S

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            Posted 17 March 2009 - 10:52 AM

            I would not apologize either once you do it once you will always be apologizing for something you were not at fault for. Good Luck!!!
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            #6 lil_miss_frogg

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              Posted 17 March 2009 - 10:53 AM

              WOW....that really sucks. If I were you I would suck it up and apologize. But then again I would explain why you were hurt with her comment and explain you feel that you shouldn't be the only one apologizing. Hopefully she will see that she was also in the wrong. Everybody gains weight, but that is fixable. I would tell her, your son doesn't mind the extra cushion for the pushin. LOL....I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!
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              #7 stacey

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                Posted 17 March 2009 - 12:11 PM

                I would absolutly not appologize. However I would still discuss the issue with her, let her know why you will not be saying sorry. Hopefully the two of you will be able to come to some sort of truths. However, if she will accept nothing less than an appology, then she can kiss your ass.
                Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

                #8 ~Stephanie~

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                  Posted 17 March 2009 - 12:14 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by lil_miss_frogg
                  WOW....that really sucks. If I were you I would suck it up and apologize. But then again I would explain why you were hurt with her comment and explain you feel that you shouldn't be the only one apologizing. Hopefully she will see that she was also in the wrong. Everybody gains weight, but that is fixable. I would tell her, your son doesn't mind the extra cushion for the pushin. LOL....I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!
                  OMG, you are too funny! I can just picture saying that to my FMIL- "he doesn't mind the extra cushion for the pushin!"

                  I agree, I would not apologize. If anything I might apologize for getting so upset or the way I handled something, but never for the thing that the other person did. That is like saying that your feelings do not matter.
                  ~Stephanie

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                  #9 KimmyG

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                    Posted 17 March 2009 - 12:24 PM

                    Ugly situation, sorry to hear
                    I think you should definitely speak with her in person and keep your cool the whole time. Explain that you were hurt by her words and it took a lot of courage for you to be able to speak with her again. Her son means the world to you and you both want her to be at your wedding (haha), so you hope she'll reconsider.

                    (notice, No appology)
                    Good luck :)

                    #10 Sapphire723

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                      Posted 17 March 2009 - 12:35 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Steph158
                      If anything I might apologize for getting so upset or the way I handled something, but never for the thing that the other person did. That is like saying that your feelings do not matter.
                      If you said hurtful things or were angry in a way that could have been hurtful, I agree that it would be ok for you to apologize for that.

                      But, I would also make it clear to her that her words were hurtful and unacceptable and until she can realize why that was inappropriate, the two of you will not be able to mend your relationship. Even if she is free to think those thoughts and express her opinion, it does not make it ok to discuss these matters and it does not make you any less hurt by the situation.

                      Also, talk to your FI. Explain to him how this made you feel and how this is not acceptable. As your future husband, it is important that he backs you up when his mother is rude and hurtful, otherwise this could continue to be a marriage long struggle where she's mean and he tries to make you apologize.




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