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Family members complaining about the cost

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#1 KathleenandDan

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    Posted 04 November 2008 - 12:35 AM

    My future husband's brothers wife is complaining at the cost of coming to our wedding. My thoughts......stay home but it is his only brother. Has ony one else had this situation arise? If so how did you handle it? My family is used to traveling and knows the cost, but evidently his brother and wife don't. My whole family is coming. I feel like the bad person cause this is what I wanted. It is my second marraige and his first. His mother is coming but we are unsure of his father and step mom. The brother is from his fathers second marraige. Oh my why me.

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    #2 syl1115

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      Posted 04 November 2008 - 12:40 AM

      This is your wedding and as long as you give them enough notice, I would think people would have time to save. If this is what you want, you may have to be willing to live with the fact that some may not be able to attend. Don't listen to the complaints as I'm sure they will be there. Some people just like to complain.

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      #3 YoursTruly

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        Posted 04 November 2008 - 01:01 AM

        I agree that given enough notice or not, there will be those family members that will always have something to say no matter what you decide. Your BIL can come alone and leave the wife home, or you can meet the BIL 1/2 way with funds or meet them both half or all the way. This all depends on how far you are willing to be generous and how badly you want them there. My FI and I drew the line that we would pay for his mother only, because it does not matter if our wedding was in 2011, money seems to ALWAYS be an issue with that side which I find extremely annoying and I was not willing to once again fund their expenses.

        Do you--it is your day.

        #4 KLC77

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          Posted 04 November 2008 - 01:54 AM

          They have until July 2009! Plenty of time to save money for your wedding. I'd tell them to get over it and book their damn trip. lol

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          #5 Jacilynda

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            Posted 04 November 2008 - 02:28 AM

            We have the same issue w/ one of my FI's brothers. My mother & step-father, my sister and one of my uncle's & his family are coming. The rest of my mom's family is coming. My dad died when I was 12 and I'm still close w/ his parents, my grandparents, and his 3 brothers and their family, but no one from my dad's side is coming. My FI on the other hand, every person is coming, except for maybe his sister-in-law. I'm with you and say well then don't come (even though she's one of my bridesmaids) I think if you've given them plenty of time in advance then its them thats missing out, not you!

            #6 ErinB


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              Posted 04 November 2008 - 10:39 AM

              Not to be dismissive, but welcome to the wonderful world of planning a destination wedding!

              This has happend to a majority of us that have already gotten married. If you just browse the "just venting" sub forum, you'll probably find 2985735 similar posts!

              The bottom line is this, you have done the responsible thing in being up front with your guests regarding your plans and the costs. You have also given them ample time to plan. As hard as it is, you need to move on.

              Those who want to attend your wedding will find a way to do so. Some people just like to complain. If it's not the cost, it's the resort/country, the dates, the whatever.

              My DH's brother kind of whined about the cost, but in the end he was there because it was the right thing to do. Only DH's immediate family came and lots of mine. All those who did attend, kept talking about how wonderful it was.

              The most important thing to do is paln what you and your FI want. This is a special time for the two of you, not anyone else.

              Good luck!

              #7 Sloan

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                Posted 04 November 2008 - 02:59 PM

                Originally Posted by KLC77
                They have until July 2009! Plenty of time to save money for your wedding. I'd tell them to get over it and book their damn trip. lol
                Ditto! Im tired of hearing people complain about the price of DW's - either go or dont. Fairly simple concept. I heard the same thing from pretty much everyone we invited - hence the reason there's only 11 of us going.

                #8 sunsetbride1

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                  Posted 04 November 2008 - 03:23 PM

                  I know .. it's tough!

                  My family initially had a hard time with it as well. My sister isn't coming at all; and believe me that caused a ton of drama (she thought that I was trying to exclude her and make her feel bad bc she couldn't afford to go supposedly). My Fmil was and still is not thrilled; and same as you, this is my 2nd wedding and his 1st.

                  When you are giving ppl this much notice; there is no reason why they can't save up for it. Put away some $$ every month; in a year they should have more than enough.

                  But, if they still insist that they cannot go; let them know that it is okay. That you wish they could be there, but understand that they cant. Promise them lots of pictures when you get back so you can share your day with them. If you aren't doing an AHR; then perhaps just invite over FI brother to look at pics with you two and have a toast.

                  Personally, I am having my sister come to see me and she will stand up for me for our legal marraige; this way, she can feel like she has a special place in our ceremony even though she can't be at our wedding.

                  Good luck and remember; this is both of your wedding! It is your vision and a celebration of your love. Cast the drama and guilt aside... enjoy your planning and your commitment to eachother, your way.
                  After all, when all this wedding stuff is said and done; its the two of you who are married and are starting a beautiful life together. Start it the way you want and the people that love you will be happy for you.

                  #9 BachataBride

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                    Posted 04 November 2008 - 03:28 PM

                    Yup...probably my closest local friend & her hubby at not coming because of the cost. As much as I want them to be there I'm not arranging my entire plans to accomodate them!! This is what WE want so this is what WE will do!!
                    And your FI's bro (and his wife) should realize that it's the only brother he has so should not be so insensitive & selfish & suck it up!! If people just thought of all the money they "wasted" throughout the year I'm sure it would more than pay for their trip!! (ie, eating out, going to movies, drinking & partying) It kind of pisses me off!!!
                    Well...that's my rant for the day! LOL

                    #10 Hartyt509

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                      Posted 04 November 2008 - 04:12 PM

                      I agree with everyone - get used to its gonna happen a lot lol

                      I've had most of my family say its too expensive,my reply ok thats a shame it would have been nice for you to be there and thats it.

                      FI's aunt keeps complaining about cost and I snapped the other day and said well what difference does it make you aren't invited anyway lmao that stopped that pretty sharpish lmao

                      Just dig your heels in

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