10 replies to this topic

[YoursTruly]

MY FI and I are planning a small DW. However my FIL decides that he will invite the whole country of MoBay and Negril to the wedding so we are looking at a sizable amount of $ to pay for these folks to come to the hotel. What should we do? Make them pay for their own day pass? This added cost is so NOT in the budget! i don't even know half of these people! Is it bad taste to ask them to pay for their own pass or ask the FIL to?

[Bianca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by YoursTruly MY FI and I are planning a small DW. However my FIL decides that he will invite the whole country of MoBay and Negril to the wedding so we are looking at a sizable amount of $ to pay for these folks to come to the hotel. What should we do? Make them pay for their own day pass? This added cost is so NOT in the budget! i don't even know half of these people! Is it bad taste to ask them to pay for their own pass or ask the FIL to?

I would ask FIL to pay for it.

[Anna83]

I think it is okay to ask guests to pay their own way. Especially if you or FI did not invite them.

[Sloan]

Bad taste or not, I wouldn't be paying for them.

[KLC77]

I go with NOT to pay. I don't think that day passes are something you should be forced (or expected) to pay for. Either the people pay themselves or as a pp said~ have FIL pay for them. lol

[JUSTUSTWO]

I would not pay for guests that you didn't plan for, didn't invite, & don't know, especially if it's not in your budget.
I had one family member who stayed at a diff resort & I told him that he was responsible for the cost of his day pass for himself & his GF.
Have you or FI spoken to FIL to let him know that day passes were involved at additional costs? I'd explain that your wedding package only accomodates a certain # of people and that the guests that he invited go beyond that #.

[Hartyt509]

I'd be telling FIL to contact them and uninvite them and also tell them they have to pay for a day pass if they do come - if people have to pay anything that'll put them off i'm sure

[YoursTruly]

Thanks Ladies for the advice! I really appreciate it, JUST US TWO, no we did not tell the FIL about the extra costs and that it was not in the budget, not that I think that will do a world of good. Ole heads (no disrespect), especially in the Jamaican culture would probably not take too kindly to being told this, kinda like suck itup and make sure they are there. SO, it will be a delicate conversation I am sure, in which I will be the demonizer, however, I have no problems letting them know this. As a matter of fact, I will be making notes letting them know in their RSVP, that those that were not originally invited are responsible for covering their day pass.

[Celina]

We had this conversation too and told them that we chose a hotel that best acommodated everyone. At RIU Vallarta our passes for non-guests are costing $60 for half day.

I would tell them that unfortunately they would have to pay for them. You would love to have them there, but if they cant' stay at your hotel - you can't pay for them.

[BeautifulBridetoBe]

Being of Jamaican heritage myself, I COMPLETELY understand. We have to remember that behind the hotels, Jamaica is a developing country, where a majority of the people are poor and just trying to make ends meet. The unemployment rate is high...and so for many, to attend a wedding at one of the hotels would be the highlight of their year. It is only natural that they would love to come and celebrate your day with you...many have never been inside of the luxury hotels and it is a family celebration, in a culture where family is important. The problem is that many of them cannot afford it financially.

The problem arises when you start to consider numbers. Just how many people are we talking about? Your dilema, for me, begins here. It can be anywhere from 5 - 500 people because you can never be sure of just how many will show up on your wedding day, especially if news of your nuptials travels by word of mouth.

Originally, my wedding was planned for Jamaica, but when we added up the numbers of extended family members and parental friends that live in the country, it would have blown our budget and our wallet. It is seen as a sign of respect to invite them. We thought of asking our parents to pay for the extended family members, because the truth is that we do not know our Jamaican family members well...we have never met 90% of them...and they had ties to our parents. We decided that even that would have been expensive for our parents too and the numbers would be anyone's guess. Our parent's are paying for their own travel of $3000....to add $100 per person for their family would quickly add up for them as well. We have large extended families.

For me, there was always an unknown factor too. As the culture is different and more familial, it would not be uncommon for people who did not RSVP to show up with others at the resort because a wedding is a time of celebration. It would be frowned upon to [I]invite[/I] them to a wedding, and then ask them to pay for their own entrance fee.

I think it is different if you have invited someone from your home town to your destination wedding and this person has picked a different resort to stay at and incurs a day pass fee. In the above case, I think it is OK. But for a wedding where the guests already reside in the country, it is different to ask them to pay to attend. For example, if you were getting married at home, it is almost like asking your guests to pay to come to your wedding and reception at a local church and hall. This was our thinking.

And so, we are getting married in the Dominican

So based on what we did, I think you may want to:

1. Discuss this with your FIL and any other family members that are extending invitations to family members abroad and let them know how much the day passes cost and that they are out of your budget. They need to have their credit cards ready to cover the costs of any of their guests who may arrive, expected or not.
2. Spread the word in Jamaica that it is by invitation only.
3. Get an exact head count of who will be attending, so that your FIL knows how much he is expected to pay. This may make him realistically consider who he invites.
4. Assess if this is feasible. If not, discuss how this will be dealt with. Do you invite all extended family and friends? Just a few?
5.Another option is this: hold a party/dinner/ beach cookout locally at one of his family members houses in Jamaica that you will attend. Extended family and friends can be welcome here. They will (maybe understand if you tell them that it is too epensive to have everyone come to the wedding, but that you still want to celebrate with them. It will be one night off of the resort...which can be nice. Your hotel guests can come too...or not, if they choose to lounge by the pool.

Best of luck!