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My FI said he doesn't want to get married....and our wedding is in less than 3 months

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103 replies to this topic

#21 sunset78

  • Sr. Member
  • 1,280 posts

    Posted 21 September 2008 - 03:04 PM

    Sounds like he could be stressed/depressed, but still he shouldn't be taking it out on you.

    And since it's him that wants space, he should be the one leaving, not you.

    I do hope you get to find out what is happening. The talk will have to be taken slow though... guys get defensive sometimes when they feeled forced to talk about something sometimes, or sometimes they will just shut down.

    **HUGE HUGS**

    #22 roo66

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      Posted 21 September 2008 - 05:34 PM

      I agree with the last few posts,its unfair of him to say these things and then not want you to speak about it.Be strong and tell him youve thought about moving out,but after much thought you think he should,he will need to tell someone why he is not at home.Hell need to stay somewhere and if some one puts him up they will be asking questions that he may give answers too.You can say you want to keep the childrens routine the same and that you dont want any contact with him only a number that you can call him on if the kids get sick.I always write letters at times like this and am always surprized at what i have written down i dont always give the letter but it gives me a clearer picture in my head.I wouldnt mention the wedding as i guess this can be put on hold and right now you would be marrying under a cloud be strong and im sure in a few days you will have some answers.

      #23 royfa

      • Sr. Member
      • 2,201 posts

        Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:07 PM

        I'm sorry that you have to go through this! Hopefully you will be able to have him explain what's going on!
        Fannie & Pierre

        #24 Yari

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        • 10,928 posts

          Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:42 PM

          I am so sorry you are going through this.

          Good luck with everything.

          #25 dainanewell

          • Jr. Member
          • 203 posts

            Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:49 PM

            thanks ladies....He finally talked to me a bit and I dont really know were to go from here........he had to go out but said we would talk more when he gets home.....the last thing he said to me before he left was that he didn't want me to tell my parents yet........he needs time to think.....I just dont know if I can put myself through this anymore....I love him but the is so hard to deal with.....I dont know If this is cold feet or if he really doesn't want to marry me?....hopefully I get the whole truth tonight....thanks

            #26 JennyK

            • Sr. Member
            • 3,502 posts

              Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:57 PM

              Why does he go out so much? He needs to be handling the problems he has at home before anything else.

              This really sucks for you. I hope everything works out.

              #27 tvt

              • VIP Member
              • 4,812 posts

                Posted 21 September 2008 - 08:47 PM

                i'm so sorry you are going through this right now. stay strong and i'm sure things will work out they way they are supposed to. i hope that you two can talk about this soon so you don't have to keep wondering what is going to happen.

                #28 EricaG

                • Sr. Member
                • 1,915 posts

                  Posted 21 September 2008 - 09:03 PM

                  I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I agree that he is the one that needs to leave at least for a couple days. My FI and I split up for a short while last year and I told him he could leave while he did his thinking, because this is the kids home! I didn't make it about me or him, but pointed out the fact that the kids need their home more than he does.
                  Since your wedding is coming up, I would be telling him that you need to talk so that you can either get things sorted out or cancel and let everyone know since they are paying a lot of $$ to go.
                  Good luck and I hope tonight goes well.
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                  #29 kevsgirl

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                    Posted 21 September 2008 - 09:25 PM

                    It sounds like cold feet brought on by depression and anxiety from losing his job and worrying about supporting you and also just getting married to someone he's been with his whole adult life. He's never been with anyone else. Maybe he's flipping out about that.
                    Not that that's an excuse. He should have known that a while ago...

                    Grrr. I feel so bad for you. I hate when people act this way I wouldn't want to start a marriage with this in recent history. It worries me that he could do this again.

                    #30 Sweetpea

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                    • 7 posts

                      Posted 21 September 2008 - 10:01 PM

                      I am sooo sorry that you are going through this. 1st communicate, communicate, communicate. without it your marriage is going to struggle. I have been through this.....it is not FUN. You need to put your foot down and tell him that he needs to sit down and talk like 2 adults without the kids.........When men lose their jobs they dont feel as if they are any value, they loose self esteem and everthing goes crazy....I wish you the best with him or without him. Stand tall and stay strong for yourself and tiy babies.

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