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Should I be hurt/offended?

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#21 Sarah


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    Posted 10 July 2008 - 02:30 PM

    Personally, I would be hurt. I guess only because it almost seems like they are choosing to support this other couple over you. Somehow I'm sure it has nothing to do with that, but it does come across that way. I hate people's BS excuses for why they can't come to a DW. Don't they understand that a simple no is just fine? Then you wouldn't have lost your deposit, and wouldn't have been planning on them.

    It does sound like the bigger issue is that the husband is running the show. My guess is that he didn't want to go to Jamaica anyway, and she thought she could convince him. Then , he probably didn't want to go to Florida either, but she was able to convince him to do at least that for her, because it would be easier and probably cheaper or at least similar cost.

    I know it bites, and I think it's totally natural to be offended in this case. But, I think if this is a friendship you'd like to salvage a heart-to-heart where you lay out your feelings and ask her to be honest is definitely in order.

    #22 ErinB


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      Posted 10 July 2008 - 02:39 PM

      Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek
      You just got an email from the friend that didn't go to your wedding?
      Yep, she sent the e-mail to plan a group vacation next summer. She's still pushing for Tahiti, though I'm sure she's joking.

      I'm over it now, it's just frustrating. I tend to always look at what I would do in a similar situation. I tend to bend over backwards for my friends anyways, so it has been hard for me all along that she wasn't coming because if the situation were reversed, I would have been there for her in a second, and I am no where close to being as financially stable as they are.

      It also kinda makes me wonder if her husband has a problem with me or my husband. We all openly dislike our friend's FI (with the FL DW) but have told her we love and support her and her decisions.

      I think he is just the type that if it's not his idea, then forget it.

      #23 Kits55

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      Posted 10 July 2008 - 02:44 PM

      I would be hurt for sure. It sounds to me like maybe it was something with the wedding itself and not necessarily you, since she started calling you again after the wedding. is she one of those people that would be totally mad at you for not asking her to be in your wedding party? I find it especially odd because she never gave you an excuse as to why she wasn't coming. So for what it's worth it sounds like possibly she was kind of mad about something to do with the wedding, or maybe even you for some unknown reason?

      #24 Nrvsbride

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        Posted 10 July 2008 - 02:50 PM

        Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
        I'm not going to lie- I would be really hurt too. However, it's not EXACTLY the same scenario. I'm sure it's a bit easier to get to FL from Kentucky rather than Jamaica. There could be underlying issues there. Maybe she's afraid to leave the country with young kids. I could see that being a fear.

        Also, just because you heard it through the grapevine that she's going, she might not be. You know how we all are- we think people are going, only to find out they aren't. She may have just not told the other couple it's a definite NO yet and gave them one of those "Sure I'll be there" answers we all get when they really don't have solid intentions of going.

        Long story short- talk to her. It's your good friend. :)
        I ditto everything Rachel said. And after reading your posts I think the husband probably didn't want to go to Jamaica and that is why they didn't go. I know that is hurtful but they probably want to go to Florida and didn't want to go to Jamaica. And even if she wanted to go to Jamaica for your wedding, as you stated before she was not "allowed" to go w/o him. I agree with you that attitude pisses me off.

        #25 Hartyt509

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          Posted 10 July 2008 - 04:19 PM

          Yep I'd be pissed off and in fact a m8 has just done the same thing to me!!

          It sounds like she needs to get a pair of balls and start running her own life and not her hubby do it for her. Think you are going to have to bite the bullet on this one because you won't get a straight answer

          #26 ErinB


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            Posted 10 July 2008 - 04:22 PM

            Yeah, I feel much better now that I vented to my girls and know that I am not the only one who would be a little upset. Like I mentioned before, this isn't big enough to ruin a friendship, it just sucks.

            #27 Yari

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              Posted 11 July 2008 - 12:31 AM

              I am late to this, but I agree with everyone and I would be totally hurt. The thing is she keeps on saying that her husband tells her that she is not allowed to go without him. I wonder if he is really telling her this or is she just making it up so people don't get mad at her. Sort of like passing the blame.

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