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Alyssa

What is the biggest source of conflict in your relationship?

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We fight about his family mostly.

 

I get soo sick of hearing about all their antics and he then expects me to be nice to them!! So a few weeks ago when he accused me of "snipping" about his mother all the time I lost it lol

 

I told him straight - don't tell me anything about what they say or do to you,I'm not interested, they are not my family and I can't stick them. So when you tell me about all the selfish shit your mother does to everyone it pisses me off and when I say that I'm accused of snipping so keep it shut lmao

 

Not had a fight since then about them. I admit tho I'm a bugger for rolling my eyes about stuff and he gets really huffy if you upset him - honest it's like having a 5 yr old at times lol The other week he actually told me to get out of his sight!! I walked away, went into the spare room, picked up his bag, threw it at his feet and said right there you go pack it - its my house if anyone is leaving its you and walked away lmao

 

Good job no sharp impliments about I'd have stabbed him with it!! half the time though I think its because we hardly see each other, ie maybe 1 1/2 days every month, so when he's home for a week we are much better.

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It's mostly cleaning and cutting the grass and such that causes our disagreements. I am the girl and for some reason I have to do all the housework and the yardwork and my FI and our other male roommate seem to do nonthing unless I yell at them. It really sucks!

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We have never had a fight. I blame it on Jay. Whenever I am heated over something, somehow I end up calming down by the time I see him. He is never defensive and is willing to listen to what I have to say. We then discuss the matter calmly and come up with a resolution. I actually want to fight to get it over with and to have fun making up. He doesn't take the bait. He says he doesn't want to fight with me. I was starting to think there's something wrong with us.

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We really only fight once or twice a year but it's always about me being junky. I know it drives him crazy cuz he is slightly OCD but I just can't help it. Clutter doesn't bother me at all, in fact I kinda like but he needs everything to be perfect. He wants our house to look like a model home that no one lives in. I on the other hand feel like i'm at home and should be allowed to kick my shoes off. So we each try to be considerate of each other and I can tell when my junkiness has reached his tolerance level and I clean up. But this has been the same ever since we were in college so we knew what we were getting into.

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When we first combined $ we definitely fought about that! I was always a free spender, and he was a big budgeter. We've since come to a common ground... but it wasn't without some arguements!

 

Our biggest thing now, is cleaning! I am not a neatfreak, but I go crazy with clutter. I hate walking in the door from a long day or work and seeing things so unorganized! FI has selective eyesight. He didn't see his jeans on the end table for 2 weeks!!! I'm tired of picking up after him, so now we're working on him being more observant, and me not being such a nag!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachbride08 View Post
Alyssa, you always have the most interesting polls. My FI and I don't fight that much, but when we do it is usually about him not helping around the house. I am a neat freak and he is the complete opposite. I have grown to be a little more relaxed about the cleaning since living with him, but I still like things neat. I will let things slide for a while and just pick up his stuff and put it away, but I can only it in so much before I explode. I have to beg him to help me do things around the apartment and then when I ask he doesn't help or it takes him 3 days to do something. It is so annoying. On the other hand he gets mad at me because I always leave the lights on when I leave a room, but I only do it if I know I am going back in that room in a few minutes. It drives him crazy, but I figure that is what he gets for not helping me clean more.
OMG this totally sounds like me... but FI isn't the complete opposite, just more relaxed. Things get to me (as being dirty or needing to be tidied) about 100x faster than him.
Most of the time I pick up after him, but once in a while I get really stressed and freak about "us" needing to clean. He totally helps out, but I feel like I have to direct him as to what to do and I hate doing that, because I don't want to sound like I'm ordering him around!!!

On the other hand, I leave the lights on when I leave the room or downstairs when I go upstairs and the computer on, if I know I'm coming back and I know it bugs him :)

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Money.

 

This is our first house. And i lived with my parents before this and he was only on his own for a few months before we bought the house. He is very loose with money and i get very upset because i'm in charge of paying the bills. since we bought the house we went a little nuts with buying furniture and we had to get some new appliances. i think we are just a little over our head right now. But i'm working on getting us on track.

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i voted for we fight about everything. it's true, we do, but it's how we discuss - thru argument. the biggest thing is his time management. to him, 1 minute is 10 minutes, and 1 hour is often tomorrow. we're ALWAYS late b/c of him - his parents are the same way, but they are both late (mil blames fil, but it's both of them).

dh just started a new job last week. it requires him to be in nyc at 7:45 am and leave around 6pm, w/ a 1hr train ride each way. so he's getting up at 5:00, when he used to wake up at 9, and getting home around the same time - 7:30 or so. so when he comes home, he's exhausted, and doesn't feel like doing anything - can't even have a conversation b/c he's so beat. so that's been a bit of a struggle, and combined w/ time management problems, he's a mess (not like i'm a prize, but hey, he's not on this forum b*tching about me...).

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Hmmm, its truly evolved over the last 5 years. We've never 'constantly fought' or anything like that but we did have some 'issues' through the years. First year, we went out too much and starting bickering because of that shots.gif and slowed it down. Second year, it was about commitment (we lived together but he was all hesitant about buying a house together which equaled fear of commitment) sign5.gif, Third year-- fought about how we didn't buy the house together. hissyfit.gif Fourth year-- got over it, he surrendered and proposed. smile124.gif Ha ha! We don't fight much and I think every six months or so we get into a big one over nothing and then start cracking up. rofl.gif He doesn't help around the house nearly as much as he should but I choose my battles, he's a great guy. eclipsee_gold_cup.gif I mostly get mad when he fart.gif on me. He gets annoyed at me because I talk to much, I have no idea what he means? blah.gif

 

Don't you love the timeless male cop out of the extremely overused term 'nagging'? I don't allow that word. I'm not his Mom, hypothetically, I'm his roommate and you can't live like a slob in your roommate's space.

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