13 replies to this topic

[becks]

Okay, I need some pointers. I've got NO idea how to start the conversation, and I'm dreading it.

I don't want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I get that it's a lovely tradition and for many brides it's a big meaningful thing. And I LOVE my dad! But... it's just not what I want. I've lived on my own for longer than I lived at home, and the notion of having my father hand me off to FI just strikes me as trite and so very not me.

The plan is that I'll walk myself down the stairs from the deck to the beach, FI will meet me at the bottom of the stairs and we'll walk up to the gazebo-thingy together.

So, how do I tell him? Anyone have any ideas that would be tactful and gracious? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want to give in on this point out of guilt, either.

Thanks!!

[Hartyt509]

Be really straight with him.

Say dad you know i'm not traditional and i'm even having a DW so as much as love you to walk me down the aisle I'm not really having an aisle and I'm walking up with FI. I know you won't mind. Give him a kiss and leave it at that lol

If you get into a discussion someone is going to get hurt - so try and keep it very light and "ah by the way" - I'm lucky dad isn't going and wouldn't do it anyway his theory is I'm not giving you away you are always mine lmao OOO try that line 2 lol

[LisaG]

I went through the same thing. I love my dad to death, but he was never there when I was growing up, and to me, he did not deserve to walk to down the aisle. My bro is more of a father figure to me and I really wanted him to give me away.
What if your dad walks with you to the stairs and hands you off to your FI, then you and your FI can walk down the aisle together. That way he is apart of it a little w/o actually being able to give you away. He'll have that few minutes with you before the actual "walk".....just a suggestion..

[Nrvsbride]

Honestly I would have no idea how to approach this situation. I am bad at confrontations. LOl. But I really love Lisa's idea. Do you mind if he walks with you to the stairs and then you and FI walk down the aisle together? Or do you really not want him walking with you at any part? You know your father better than anybody do you think something like this is going to upset him? If you don't think it will bother him then keep the convo light and just mention that you and your FI plan to walk down the aisle together. If he is going to take it hard then we need to come up with a whole other game plan. Has he mentioned giving you away at all?

[jajajaja]

I like Harty's suggestion and Lisa provided a good alternative thought. They are much more helpful than I am. I didn't even invite my "real" father.

[DanielleNDerek]

i like lisa's suggestion. it would save your dad from any hearbreak and you would still have your entrance with your fi. I know that my dad is really excited about walking me down the aisle and giving me away. but i've only been out out of the house for about 2 yrs now.

[rodent]

I'm all for adapting wedding tradtions to suite your feelings & life.

I plan on just taking out the part about "who give this woman blah blah." So my dad will walk me down the aisle and then have a seat. No giving me away.

I originally was going to have my mom walk me. She is the one who raised me. But, my dad worked so hard to get to where he could walk. If on the day of the wedding he isn't feeling up to it, I'll have my mom walk me.

My dad's part in the wedding will be to sing a song after the ceremony. That is more meaningful to me than him giving me away.

I do think the giving away tradition is outdated now that it's not 18 year olds getting married & leaving their fathers house for their husbands. When you are a woman with a career who has been supporting yourself for a while it feels odd for your father to give you to someone.

Also, mike didn't ask my fathers permission to propose to me. He called to let him know, but he asked my mom instead.

I vote for have nibblets walk you down the aisle. I'll loan you his hand knitted leash.

[rodent]

I realize I should add, avoid making it seam like you are cutting him out of the wedding. Just find something that reflects your situation more. So if it's walking in with your FI, and giving your dad a hug that might work. Maybe tell him that as a bankity blank old woman who has been living on her own for x number of years you feel more comfortable entering with your FI. or maybe tell him you want to do it that way so you don't get too emotional.

I just realized "blanky blank old" doesnt sound good. I just don't know your age but maybe <insert age here> sounds better. Sounds like I was cussing & calling you old

[boscobel]

We kind of did what Morgan said. I walked with my father and then he sat down and I stood with Matt. Actually, if there were any words exchanged at this point, I have no recollection of them!

[SunBride]

I had a slight preference for walking alone (have been away from home for 7 years and am a very independent person) but I didn't really care that much, so I gave my dad the option and he wanted to walk me so I let him.

I agree that it might be best to just mention it in passing, not make a big deal about it. Then get your mom to check about his reaction. If he was hurt, it might be best to talk to him about it and let him do it.