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Destination second wedding guilt?

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21 replies to this topic

#1 frazali

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    Posted 01 May 2008 - 05:18 PM

    Arrrghh, this planning is so frustrating!

    This is my 2nd wedding (FI's first) so I feel guilty asking people to spend so much money traveling for a 2nd wedding.

    We've fluctuated from trying to find a latin restaurant in Manhattan that can accommodate appx. 80 ppl (seemingly impossible) to a destination wedding. Right now we're looking at inviting everyone for the destination wedding and throwing out the idea of the NYC reception.

    Until this morning. Thinking about it on the subway, I think I've decided that I want to have an AHR as well. I just have the feeling that a lot of people will not be able to make it (I predict that about 30 people would show in DR), andI really want to celebrate! And having an AHR will allow people to celebrate without having to spend so much.

    I guess my question is for those brides who are planning their second weddings, do you have any guilt about asking people to spend so much money to your second wedding?

    #2 LCBride2007


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      Posted 01 May 2008 - 05:31 PM

      I didn't have any guilt at all actually - if they didn't want to/couldn't spend the money, then they didn't have to go. Maybe I am selfish - but that's how I saw things. Honestly, most of my friends used our wedding as an excuse to take a vacation, we only had positive responses to our choice of a DW, and not only that, but most people are now planning an annual group vacation because they had so much fun!

      #3 Hartyt509

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        Posted 01 May 2008 - 05:37 PM

        Don't feel guilty at all either lol if people can't come thats their decision,the wedding is about YOU and FI not everyone else that wants a party!

        #4 babyg

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          Posted 01 May 2008 - 07:28 PM

          Hi There
          I am feeling a lot of guilt as well. This is both our second weddings and we each have kids (11,14,16, 1. We both had pretty big weddings the first time around. At first we thought it would be a wonderful way to tie the knot and the kids would have a blast. My FI is a teacher and we can only travel during school breaks so we chose Dec 29th, 2008 in Cuba. We also invited close friend and family. So far I have 12 of my friends coming and my FI has no one but his kids. None of our family can come for various reasons. Now I feel selfish going away to get married when our parents and brothers won't be coming. But I don't feel guilty enough to cancel. I really didn't want to plan a wedding in Canada. I just wanted to run away and Cuba kind of offered this to me. But now that our own families can't come I think.... oops.
          Terri and John

          #5 Jenn79

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            Posted 02 May 2008 - 12:15 PM

            While this was my first wedding, the way I looked at it was this: people travel all the time for "at home traditional weddings", and often spend just as much (if not more) to do so. When they start complaining about spending the money for a destination wedding, just remind them about all the weddings they themselves may have travelled to over the years that weren't destination, but still required hotel stays and/or airfare...makes them stop and think.
            Jenn & Timm, May 10, 2007
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            #6 Karen

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              Posted 02 May 2008 - 01:26 PM

              I was a second time bride too. My husband and I eloped in Mexico and had a small AHR at home. I just really didn't want a big wedding again and just wanted something intimate and I wanted my husband all to myself on our day. I found that a lot of my friends and family wished we had something bigger and wished that we did the big wedding. After going with me on my journey through the loss and heartache of divorce and then the joy of finding love again, my friends so wanted to celebrate maybe even more than the first time. Don't feel guilty, you aren't twisting anyone's arms here. If they can join you they will, if they can't they won't.
              <center><embed src="http://www.widdlytin...nancyticker.swf" FlashVars="t1=Baby Lambert is on the way&b=7&c=0xCC00CC&f=5&y=2010&m=4&d=14" quality="high" wmode="transparent" width="430" height="115" name="Pregnancy Ticker" align="middle"...

              #7 stacey


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                Posted 02 May 2008 - 01:35 PM

                You should not feel guilty. If people want to come, then great, if they dont, then dont. The only thing that I would suggest is not to expect gifts. If you are doing a bachlorette party, maybe keep it low, key, and low cost
                Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

                #8 jajajaja

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                  Posted 02 May 2008 - 01:36 PM

                  It was my first wedding and DH's second. That thought didn't even cross our minds. I would think the people around you would be thrilled that you have found love again. Ultimately, I wouldn't feel guilty at all. They have the choice on whether to go or not- some people may not go and it will probably have nothing to do with the fact it's your 2nd marriage, but more for issues such as schedule, money, etc.
                  Happily married since 2008

                  #9 Sandra E.

                  Sandra E.
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                    Posted 02 May 2008 - 01:39 PM

                    I've only had one wedding, but the way I see it is if they want to join you they will be there, don't feel do what you think it's best for you. Since you're considering having an AHR they people that can't travel will have the option of joining you there.

                    #10 Karen

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                      Posted 02 May 2008 - 03:45 PM

                      I got to say I can't stand the mentality that a second wedding should be treated as a lesser affair and as not of big of a deal as a first wedding. Nobody (at least no one i know) gets married knowing or thinking it will end in divorce. I didn't do something something wrong by getting married twice. I was heart broken when things didn't work out with my first husband and marrying Jay wasn't any less of an event or something to be kept low key or hush hush. Nobody knows the future. You do the best you can. Gettting married again is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, if you still want to get married after going through a divorce or the death of a spouse, then good for you!!!! And according to etiquitte, one should never expect gifts.....whether this is your 1st or 6th wedding.
                      <center><embed src="http://www.widdlytin...nancyticker.swf" FlashVars="t1=Baby Lambert is on the way&b=7&c=0xCC00CC&f=5&y=2010&m=4&d=14" quality="high" wmode="transparent" width="430" height="115" name="Pregnancy Ticker" align="middle"...

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