I don't even know what to say...
Posted 21 March 2008 - 08:11 PM
Why is she saying these things? It is just crazy and mean.
I hope everything gets straighten out soon.
Posted 21 March 2008 - 10:59 PM
I am very sorry to hear she is doing this to you.
Posted 22 March 2008 - 12:44 AM
Posted 22 March 2008 - 12:51 AM
What a B--!
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Posted 22 March 2008 - 01:33 AM
I left my daughters bio dad when she was 10 months (she will be 10 years old next month). I dated FI off and on since then and only became seriously involved when my daugher was around 5. (so for the past 4 years) My FI and I have a 2 year old son together as well. ( I also have been friends with my FI since we were 17 - we dated in High school)
In January my sis had the kids while we had a date night. My daughter is a mommys girl and never spends the night anywhere. She always cries when it's time to go to bed when she spends the night somewhere. Well, the night my sis had the kids my daughter called the house and FI told her I was upstairs changing putting on my pj's and I would call her right back. My daughter is on the verge of going through puberty and has been a little more emotional the last few months where she cries for everything or she has the pre-teenage angst attitude.
When I didn't come to the phone my daughter went to the bathroom and started crying. My sis went in to check on her and found her crying and my daughter was so mad that she couldn't talk to me when she wanted to and goes on to tell my sis that she hated my FI and made the comment that she wished she could have her real dad back and she wished we weren't getting married. (Keep in mind that bio dad hasn't been seen or heard from in almost 5 years)
I think it is normal for any child to have feelings of resentment over a step parent. I also think it is normal for her to want to have her bio dad. My sis on the other hand thinks that because she said that that something is going on so she starts asking, does he hit you? Does he yell at you? Is he mean to you?
My daughter in the upset state she is in says yes he disciplines me, yes he yells at me, yes he has spanked me. ~ Keep in mind that my daughter hasn't gotten a spanking in probably two years and it was because she took a change jar outside and she gave about $80 worth of change to some older kids because she wanted to be the cool kid with the money and buy them all ice cream.
So when I went to pick up the kids from my sis house we (me, sis, daughter and my niece) sit down and discuss what my daughter said. My daughter then tells my sister that yes she gets scolded when she talks back or has an attitude. No she doesn't get spanked all the time, and that yes both FI and I discipline her when she acts out and that yes sometimes she does miss her bio dad.
I chalk it all up to a bunch of nothing and my daughter being over emotional and dramatic about not being able to talk to me on the phone but my sister sits and festers on this from then until now.
In the past any and everything I have - she manages to screw up or stress me out. When FI moved in - she accused him of being a mooch. When I got pregnant she didnt approve because she thought he was going to leave me. When I had my babyshower, she had me so stressed out I told her not to come. At my sons baptism bbq, the kids had squirt guns and my daughter squirted her in the face so she jumped up and snatched her by the hair causing a HUGE scene; I thought she was okay for the wedding but since January she has been VERY quiet about it. No involvement in planning and no response when I mention it. I know she can't afford to go and her husband told me last week that they wern't even saving to go. (They have a family of 5)
She has had it out for my FI since day one. We have all known eachother since high school. She just hates him. WHen I stop and think about it, she has tried to sabotage every event or occasion we try to do something for. She is younger than me and never lived her life like I did. She had kids at 16 - I had kids at 26. She has only dated her now husband. I played the field and dated all of the rainbow. She can't keep friends because she is too clingy and my friends I have introduced her to, she has tried to "steal" from me! She is overbearing and can be very direct and rude to people. I overlook all of this because she is my sister.
My FI knows what she said. I now have to explain to everyone what has happened and why she is no longer in our wedding and why she won't be there. Her words cut me to the core. The only way I can deal with this is by telling myself she has a serious mental disorder and is very sick and I have to stay away from her.
Oh yeah - she is also mad at me for giving my daughter medication for ADD. She said I am medicating her to keep her numb from the mental and physical abuse. WHAT A CROCK! My daughter has a chemical imbalance and can't concentrate or focus at school. We had her observed, evaluated and tested by a sociologist, pediatrician, all of her teachers, a speech therapist and a special ed professional over the past 4 months. My daughter is finally doing great in school and is a perfect child (of course I'm partial) - so my sis thinks I am wrong for that!
I just can't be around her any more. This is the straw that broke the camels back. I am so numb by what she said it is just insane. I got off work and took my daughter with me while I paid some bills and did some shopping. We talked about everything and she said that she never said anything to my sister that would make her think those things. It's all very sad and heartbreaking to me.
Oh yeah - then she got mad because I told her to pay attention to her own kids. She has two teenage kids who are flunking out of high school and ditch class - maybe something is going on there??
This whole thing just irritates me. IMO...If anyone wants to call the authorities - feel free. We have nothing to hide!
Posted 22 March 2008 - 06:19 AM
You have 2 lovely kids and a stable relationship, its not your fault she turned into a rabbit and had 5 kids. Her life may be crap but thats her making and now she is gonna make it worse because she is losing her sister.
A smiliar thing happened to my FI's step-dad it ended up in Court and the Judge threw it out. Sad thing is the FMIL has lost 2 grandkids and her son over it.
If you feel she is making your life hell and just causing trouble get an injunction (not sure what they are called in the US) but it will basically keep her away from you and your family because she is too corrosive to keep around your kids.
I don't mean to step over the line but you have to get her nipped in the bud because if she is that mean she needs knocking straight into place.
I'm sure it'll work out its just sad that somepeople have to act like arses. My thoughts are with you.
Posted 22 March 2008 - 09:35 AM
Posted 22 March 2008 - 09:45 AM
on a side note, i would encourage you to take your daughter for some counseling, while i agree that some of her feelings (about hating FI and missing her dad and all that stuff) are normal, it is things like that that are overlooked and poo-poo'd as 'growing pains' that can cause a lot of emotionally instability and low self-esteem in young girls. you can look at this as an opportunity to grow as a family and address these issues head on.
good luck with everything and i'm sorry you are going through this
Posted 22 March 2008 - 09:56 AM
Posted 22 March 2008 - 11:38 AM
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