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FMIL wants me to call her mom...


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#11 ACDCDCAC

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Posted 21 March 2008 - 10:48 AM

To me, calling Doug's Parents Mom and Dad makes me feel like I'm one of Dougs sisters. I don't have any siblings, so calling them Mom and Dad would make me feel too much like part of their family, the part THEY gave birth too, not the part I'm marrying! Yuck. Not for me.

#12 ErinB

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    Posted 21 March 2008 - 11:14 AM

    That is a little weird. I don't know how I would handle that! I would go with avoidance and hope she gets the hint. If not, I would politely tell her your uncomfortable with the whole "mom" thing and that you don't want to offend your own mother.

    #13 Helen_S81

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      Posted 21 March 2008 - 11:55 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Gretchen
      For me, this is less of an issue. When I was younger (Jr High/High School) I somehow ended up calling a lot of people "mom". (mostly the mom's of friends - was easier than remembering their names!)
      Quite a few of my kids friends have called me "mom" or "mama H" and I wondered if it was because they weren't sure whether to call me Mrs. S or Helen?

      #14 Maura

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      Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:04 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Helen_S81
      Quite a few of my kids friends have called me "mom" or "mama H" and I wondered if it was because they weren't sure whether to call me Mrs. S or Helen?
      nice to see a mom weigh in here...

      helen, what do your sons in law call you?

      #15 Helen_S81

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        Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:08 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by mauraw
        nice to see a mom weigh in here...

        helen, what do your sons in law call you?
        Well the fiance calls me Helen, and so does the boyfriend. I don't expect it to change after the wedding. I really don't mind if he calls me mom or not and I would definately not ask him to call me that.

        #16 jajajaja

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          Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:27 PM

          I'm such an awkward person- I don't think I could pull off calling my FMIL "mom." I'm definitely not a lovey-dovey person either and my whole family isn't really affectionate. I mean, we love each other- we just show it other ways. Thankfully my FMIL has not made that request.

          Maybe you could have a name for her that just you call her? LIke some kind of nickname. For example, when my mom married my stepdad we didn't know what to call my step grandma. It was just really awkward because she didn't exactly view us as grandchildren. My stepdad came up with "goob" because her maiden name was Cooper and kids teased her when she was in high school and called her goober. So we just called her goob. Eventually the rest of the family started calling her that too and she would always sign her cards and letters "goob."
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          #17 Helen_S81

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            Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:36 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
            Maybe you could have a name for her that just you call her? LIke some kind of nickname. For example, when my mom married my stepdad we didn't know what to call my step grandma. It was just really awkward because she didn't exactly view us as grandchildren. My stepdad came up with "goob" because her maiden name was Cooper and kids teased her when she was in high school and called her goober. So we just called her goob. Eventually the rest of the family started calling her that too and she would always sign her cards and letters "goob."

            I love this idea! I have a friend who is around 60ish whose stepchildren, and stepgrandchildren call her "Steppie". She married the kids father when they were teenagers and their real mom was/is still around so they came up with the name Steppie, and she signs cards and stuff with that. I think that is really cool.

            #18 Gretchen

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              Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:51 PM

              I 3rd the motion to make up a name! (that's what I was meaning by the Pops for FFIL) SOmething that works for both of you would be cool!
              Gretchen "GiGi"

              #19 DLyteful

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                Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:59 PM

                What about a revised version like mother ____ or mom ____, you are adding the Mom part in, but you are still keeping the special "Mom" only for you own. But like alot of the girls here have said, honesty will probably work best, so if you dont feel comfortable. Just tell her how much it means to you to keep that name just for your own mom and it doesnt take away how much you really do care for her.

                #20 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 21 March 2008 - 01:51 PM

                  I think you have to just go with your gut, say look I don't want to upset you and i'm really touched but it doesn't feel right calling you mom i'm sure she will understand.

                  On the other hand I would rather be torched alive than call the cretin that gave birth to my FI mum lol She used to say "love you" everytime she hung up the phone - it did me in lol 2 now after 5 years she has got the hint, she doesn't ring me and no more "love you". I don't even say that to my own family let alone someone I can't stick lol

                  So after my mini rant you just have to be you and she will understand and if she doesn't she'll get over it




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