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Still invite people to DW if they can't go?

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#1 townie princess

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    Posted 06 March 2008 - 02:00 AM

    I can't seem to find much advice out there about this, so hopefully someone can shed some light on the subject.

    My FI and I are planning to get married in the DR in Jan 2009. We have both moved away from our hometowns, and have family all over the country, so we figured this would be the best solution.

    We also decided not to have the wedding in our hometown area because we will not be able to get back there for a trip before we got married. And there really isn't anyone back there we can depend on to help with the wedding planning.

    SO, because we are having the wedding where everyone will have to travel, and we know there are some people who cannot travel or do not have the money to do so (ex: grandmothers), do you still invite them all the same, knowing that they will say no?

    #2 Celina

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      Posted 06 March 2008 - 02:08 AM

      I'm anxious to hear what others have to say on this one.

      The people who have outright said they would not be able to come after receiving the initial STD letter, I haven't sent them anything else. Otherwise I have sent all of the info to everyone. By all the info we did an initial "Save the Date Letter". Which was a wedding announcement that had all of the resort info and our TA's info. We sent those out last September for our wedding this November.

      Last month we sent out a STD postcard. As people tell me they absolutely can not make it, I just cross them off the list and don't include them in future mailings.

      Not sure if it is right or wrong, but I figure why bother with the cost of postage?
      "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

      #3 Yari

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        Posted 06 March 2008 - 02:12 AM

        According to ettiquette, if they receive a STD then they need to get a formal invite. Doesn't mean you have to follow it though.

        On another note, I do plan on sending people who have said they can't go a formal invite. This is a personal decision Brian and I made together and felt that someone might change their mind. You just never know.

        #4 Aimless911

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          Posted 06 March 2008 - 02:19 AM

          Just my $.02...we are sending a couple extra invitations to those we know can't make it, (grandma and great aunt who aren't allowed to do much travelling), BECAUSE, they love seeing everything that's going on with the wedding, and, this keeps them a part of it, whether they are there or not.

          However...we are having a full blown formal reception at home after our DW...which 90% of those invitees were not on our DW list. Pretty much keeping the DW to very close friends and immediate family....so far no feelings hurt! Fingers crossed it remains that way (I know...yeah RIGHT! hahahaaha)

          #5 townie princess

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            Posted 06 March 2008 - 02:22 AM

            I plan on sending out STD soon, although we don't have all the details yet of where we're staying in the DR.

            I think that I'm going to still send STD and invites to immediate family members, like my grandmother who refuses to fly anywhere (but lives on an island!). I'm just not sure what to do for more distant relatives, especially on FI side, who we know cannot afford to come, but would if we had the wedding back in our hometown.

            #6 KHarrod

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              Posted 06 March 2008 - 02:27 AM

              I was wondering the same thing, I hope the forum can help.

              #7 starchild



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                Posted 06 March 2008 - 03:12 AM

                We didn't, with the exception of my grandmother who lives in Europe (just because she's the grandmother).

                Our std's were very detailed and actually said that formal invites would be mailed to those who responded with a "yes". We sent out a 2nd std 2 months later in the form of a postcard, reminding people to rsvp on the website.

                The formal invites were sent to the people who said yes. There are strong opinions on this issue but we discussed it and felt that in our case, after sending 2 stds, if someone said no we took their word for it. Many of the people who said no felt bad about not being able to come. We felt that by sending an invitation after they said no, it would be rubbing it in their faces/implying that their no wasn't a good answer and maybe they can reconsider. If they changed their mind on their own they would have told us, you know? No sense in making them feel bad twice (or 3 times in our case).

                I guess traditional etiquette went out the window for us since our wedding wasn't traditional anyway. You have to do what feels right to you :)

                #8 coming together

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                  Posted 06 March 2008 - 03:53 AM

                  We sent out std's early in the planning, but we haven't heard for certain who is going to go, so we are sending invites to pretty much everyone that received the std's. Even if they choose not to go, I think people like to get the invite. I don't know the ettiquette.. My advice is do what you want to. Ettiquette and tradition is pretty much thrown to the wind in a destination wedding anyway. I think you will be safe either way.

                  #9 Stormsong

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                    Posted 06 March 2008 - 09:32 AM

                    I read in a wedding book that you should invite everyone to a DW wedding, even if they can't go. If they are someone you would invite to a reception party for when you come back, then you should also invite them to the DW wedding. Its considered polite. The theoy is, people just like to be included....and invited, even if they have no plans on making it.

                    #10 katrina


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                      Posted 06 March 2008 - 10:26 AM

                      i sent stds and invites to everyone because i felt that it was up to them, not me, to determine whether or not they can or have the money to go. in some cases, i've been pleasantly surprised.

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